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2025
10 months ago
Well, here we are!
It's been one week into the new year (sort of XD 7 days) and it's time to do my personal tradition with holidays and milestones, a small reflection.
It's crazy for me to think that I'm doing so well after one year. To put it in perspective. Last year was by far the worst year of my 23 years of life XD Between mental health being the lowest it ever was, working a job in a college town that wasn't going anywhere, and being physically sick with stress, I was in the process of forming boundaries with family that weren't being accepted, friends and lifetime friend groups dissolving, and most of my support structure failing, it was not a good time. Plus, the relationship I was in had turned sour, leading to more issues.
All of this came to a head in October and November, when all conflicts unfolded all at once, leaving me in a pit with a new job, no real group, a failed relationship after being cheated on, and self-harm stuck in the brain. During this time, I only wanted the pain to stop, for my short and long-term plans to at least work in some semblance of success to show plans would eventually be fulfilled. Instead, I was met with my own thoughts and silence.
I say all of this because I know I'm not the only one to experience this type of isolation, the social and physical loneliness, and the mental battle with your own thoughts and struggling emotions. I was going through therapy through all of this. I was relearning what emotions were and how to actually feel joy and sorrow in a healthy way without losing myself to them. The work was difficult but life-changing. I had opened up, reached out to older friends, rekindled friendships that were once long lost, and started a new path.
By the end of December, plans were made with a friend to fly across the country, consider moving in with them, and start new. What ended up happening is that I decided against it mid-trip, rented a car, and traveled across the eastern part of the USA, met many online friends in person, and made my way to Maryland. A long-time best friend of mine was looking for a roommate, while I was looking for a fresh start. We talked about it for weeks, made plans, and jumped in with both feet. A leap of faith to move my entire life from the midwest to the coast. I was nervous, scared, and excited.
It was the best decision of my life!
By the end of January, I had sold all my furniture to the point I was sleeping on the carpet floor for a week with nothing else to lay or sit on. I had slowly started writing, talking, moving, making plans and seeing them through. By February, I was moved in. By March, my best friend and I started, dating, and now... I'm here!
We are almost 1 year going strong, and already saving to hopefully one day soon buy a house. Along the way, a mutual friend was going through a similar situation, so we invited him in with us and gained a new roommate, and through it all, the strange twists and turns of life, we are thriving, making things work and supporting each other through all of it. My family back at home is crazy as ever, but those needing to be cut out were cleaned away, allowing me to heal and be at peace.
I say all of this now, the struggles, the pain, the ways of trying to heal, the ways of finding multiple jobs, but still feel the need to move on from them to find better. The hardship of being unemployed and still finding a balance with those who you live with and love. It hasn't been easy, but at the same time, almost nothing worthwhile ever comes easily.
For those struggling, those who feel lost, alone, abandoned, please know that you are loved, cared for, and cherished. The sad truth for many is that they are actually seen, respected, and appreciated, but never told to their faces. If you need a helping hand, please, reach out to me or others around you. Those that are true will stand beside you, those that are fake will leave. Things do get better. Life is extremely strange and only gets weirder from here. So please, take your time, take care of yourselves, and don't be afraid of new things! You never know how one small decision, one friend request, one comment, one post, one breath, can make all the difference!
Thank you for reading this little update, please be warm, take care, and be safe! I look forward to seeing everyone in the next post!
It's been one week into the new year (sort of XD 7 days) and it's time to do my personal tradition with holidays and milestones, a small reflection.
It's crazy for me to think that I'm doing so well after one year. To put it in perspective. Last year was by far the worst year of my 23 years of life XD Between mental health being the lowest it ever was, working a job in a college town that wasn't going anywhere, and being physically sick with stress, I was in the process of forming boundaries with family that weren't being accepted, friends and lifetime friend groups dissolving, and most of my support structure failing, it was not a good time. Plus, the relationship I was in had turned sour, leading to more issues.
All of this came to a head in October and November, when all conflicts unfolded all at once, leaving me in a pit with a new job, no real group, a failed relationship after being cheated on, and self-harm stuck in the brain. During this time, I only wanted the pain to stop, for my short and long-term plans to at least work in some semblance of success to show plans would eventually be fulfilled. Instead, I was met with my own thoughts and silence.
I say all of this because I know I'm not the only one to experience this type of isolation, the social and physical loneliness, and the mental battle with your own thoughts and struggling emotions. I was going through therapy through all of this. I was relearning what emotions were and how to actually feel joy and sorrow in a healthy way without losing myself to them. The work was difficult but life-changing. I had opened up, reached out to older friends, rekindled friendships that were once long lost, and started a new path.
By the end of December, plans were made with a friend to fly across the country, consider moving in with them, and start new. What ended up happening is that I decided against it mid-trip, rented a car, and traveled across the eastern part of the USA, met many online friends in person, and made my way to Maryland. A long-time best friend of mine was looking for a roommate, while I was looking for a fresh start. We talked about it for weeks, made plans, and jumped in with both feet. A leap of faith to move my entire life from the midwest to the coast. I was nervous, scared, and excited.
It was the best decision of my life!
By the end of January, I had sold all my furniture to the point I was sleeping on the carpet floor for a week with nothing else to lay or sit on. I had slowly started writing, talking, moving, making plans and seeing them through. By February, I was moved in. By March, my best friend and I started, dating, and now... I'm here!
We are almost 1 year going strong, and already saving to hopefully one day soon buy a house. Along the way, a mutual friend was going through a similar situation, so we invited him in with us and gained a new roommate, and through it all, the strange twists and turns of life, we are thriving, making things work and supporting each other through all of it. My family back at home is crazy as ever, but those needing to be cut out were cleaned away, allowing me to heal and be at peace.
I say all of this now, the struggles, the pain, the ways of trying to heal, the ways of finding multiple jobs, but still feel the need to move on from them to find better. The hardship of being unemployed and still finding a balance with those who you live with and love. It hasn't been easy, but at the same time, almost nothing worthwhile ever comes easily.
For those struggling, those who feel lost, alone, abandoned, please know that you are loved, cared for, and cherished. The sad truth for many is that they are actually seen, respected, and appreciated, but never told to their faces. If you need a helping hand, please, reach out to me or others around you. Those that are true will stand beside you, those that are fake will leave. Things do get better. Life is extremely strange and only gets weirder from here. So please, take your time, take care of yourselves, and don't be afraid of new things! You never know how one small decision, one friend request, one comment, one post, one breath, can make all the difference!
Thank you for reading this little update, please be warm, take care, and be safe! I look forward to seeing everyone in the next post!
Happy New Beginning...
Vix