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11 months ago
General
🖤🩸🖤 I WANNA PROVE MY LOVE BEFORE I LEAVE
I WANNA MAKE YOU COME AND SCRAPE MY KNEES
WANT YOU TO BITE MY TONGUE UNTIL I BLEED
AND YOU CAN PUT THESE FUCKING WORDS IN MY OBITUARY 🖤🩸🖤
🖤🩸🖤 
🖤🩸🖤 
Hey lovely fluffs. <3
Wanted to update you on Health stuff. Um. Well, i've gotta start new meds and injections to help bring my weight back down as i've put on a LOT since my leg, hip and back chronic pain has stopped a lot of my mobility. Fibromyalgia and such things too.
Hoping I get them tomorrow and can start my weight loss journey. Not looking forward to it but its nice to have the help offered, so I'll take it.
-
Other than that, I am going to be withdrawing off Amitryptaline in the net few weeks. Then they need to keep on top of pain meds and maybe increase my CoDydramol and possibly a new medication if it may help with pain relief.
So I might be a little out of it for a few weeks getting used to new things and whatnot.
Going to give it a little more time before I re-open for Comms.
Just so I can wrap my head around the new routine.
Although, its nice to have a doctor say they SEE that I have eating problems, where I binge - don't purge, but turn the anger and guilt on myself, I've always felt ashamed feeling hungry or needing food, like it was taboo. Childhood taught me to be light with food, then teen years I have always had a traumatic time with food and eating. Recently I just can't seem to balance anything out, despite eating well, eating food that isn't bad, good meals, etc. I still feel DEEP pangs of shame when I eat. Its hard to explain...but always trying to avoid the bullies and abusers I wasn't 'perfect' or 'thin enough' for ...it leaves more than physical marks. But now it has. Its left a huge insecure part of me i'm only coming to terms with.
I prefer to eat fresh veg, fruit, nuts, fish, lean meat...etc...but ehhh...I do have the sweet sides I beat myself with like a fucking stick when I do eat them.
If anyone can make sense of this, please...just know i've tried to train myself with weights, walking, etc...used to keep my weight down before pain settled in.
I feel like i've failed but i'm determined to turn my life around this year.
If I can lose weight and slowly rebuild my strength, then slowly train the muscle IF I can get proper pain relief too, its not just mobility from pain, its the exhaustion and constant aches of Fibro and its fucked up my breathing...im a mess basically.
But.
I'm determined, but a little scared of this journey.
Again, give me a little time to sort my head out and get on track, then i'll get back to Re-Opening Commissions in good time.
Sorry for the jumbled - pantsness of all this.
--
- Thrasher / Wolfie
xx
Wanted to update you on Health stuff. Um. Well, i've gotta start new meds and injections to help bring my weight back down as i've put on a LOT since my leg, hip and back chronic pain has stopped a lot of my mobility. Fibromyalgia and such things too.
Hoping I get them tomorrow and can start my weight loss journey. Not looking forward to it but its nice to have the help offered, so I'll take it.
-
Other than that, I am going to be withdrawing off Amitryptaline in the net few weeks. Then they need to keep on top of pain meds and maybe increase my CoDydramol and possibly a new medication if it may help with pain relief.
So I might be a little out of it for a few weeks getting used to new things and whatnot.
Going to give it a little more time before I re-open for Comms.
Just so I can wrap my head around the new routine.
Although, its nice to have a doctor say they SEE that I have eating problems, where I binge - don't purge, but turn the anger and guilt on myself, I've always felt ashamed feeling hungry or needing food, like it was taboo. Childhood taught me to be light with food, then teen years I have always had a traumatic time with food and eating. Recently I just can't seem to balance anything out, despite eating well, eating food that isn't bad, good meals, etc. I still feel DEEP pangs of shame when I eat. Its hard to explain...but always trying to avoid the bullies and abusers I wasn't 'perfect' or 'thin enough' for ...it leaves more than physical marks. But now it has. Its left a huge insecure part of me i'm only coming to terms with.
I prefer to eat fresh veg, fruit, nuts, fish, lean meat...etc...but ehhh...I do have the sweet sides I beat myself with like a fucking stick when I do eat them.
If anyone can make sense of this, please...just know i've tried to train myself with weights, walking, etc...used to keep my weight down before pain settled in.
I feel like i've failed but i'm determined to turn my life around this year.
If I can lose weight and slowly rebuild my strength, then slowly train the muscle IF I can get proper pain relief too, its not just mobility from pain, its the exhaustion and constant aches of Fibro and its fucked up my breathing...im a mess basically.
But.
I'm determined, but a little scared of this journey.
Again, give me a little time to sort my head out and get on track, then i'll get back to Re-Opening Commissions in good time.
Sorry for the jumbled - pantsness of all this.
--
- Thrasher / Wolfie
xx
Mzimu
~khaossilva
You can do it, I believe in ya!
