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Comm structure update
6 months ago
Hello everyone
It's ....been a difficult time for me recently. Well, it has been for everyone, but I digress. My mental health has been worse than it’s ever been. I’ve spent large stretches of time just lying in bed with my eyes closed due to being too mentally exhausted to process anything. Along with everything going on, I’ve had to check up on a lot of my own life things that have fallen by the wayside. I've also been working on credentials for job hunting since December.
After speaking to my therapist, my doctor, and close friends, I think I’ve put into perspective something that I’ve been struggling to accept for a while now. I’ve spent my whole life being the responsible person, everyone’s rock to lean on. It's all I really knew how to do, I had to help my family through poverty as well as help raise three little brothers and to this day I get asked to lend financial support to my family to help pay for basic things.
I carried these skills over to the job that I do now, doing commissions for everyone. I built a reputation as a reliable person that’s usually available to do work to some capacity or another. I even tried to be an emotional pillar for some because I don’t usually like keeping things strictly business with people. I like to be a part of the community that this is.
The problem is that trying to be this available for everyone all the time as well as still maintaining my relationship with my family has slowly worn me down over the years. It was something that I was barely able to keep up with but in light of everything that’s happened I’ve found myself completely falling apart under all the added pressure. Something had to change.
I’ve spent most of my career being swamped with work to one capacity or another. It never reached the levels of bad that it was when I first started, but I’ve consistently been on the backfoot with keeping up with it all. Some people have aired concerns about how I never seem to be open even though I consistently post new work, and I have no real excuse for it. I almost exclusively sustain myself with people who actively come to me with comm requests and I oftentimes find it difficult to say no. It was something that wasn’t going to be sustainable forever. Not just in regards to the workload but the toll on my mental health as well.
All of this is to say that I’m trying to reevaluate my life, starting with announcing that I won’t be taking any spur-of-the-moment comms anymore and I’ll be trying to only do announced openings through socials and my update server. I will get sparks of inspiration still, but I’ll be trying to limit them as much as possible. From now on I’d request that people not come to me with the intent to commission me for something unless I have those openings available.
Talking ideas is fine, just please don’t expect it to translate into a finished piece any time soon, nor would it be advisable to ask me when I’ll be open next, because most of the time I don’t usually know. I have to find a new sustainable pace for myself first to be able to answer that question.
I want to be able to finally get my list paired down to a comfortable place, so I can get owed work out to people more consistently and not feel like I’m constantly sitting on a financial crisis waiting to happen.
After that, I’m going to be moving forward with finding a job so I can diversify my skills and lighten the load on my creative ability for making my income. This will likely mean my output will slow down a bit as well, but I think it's something that’s needed to happen for a while now. I’ve been doing this for over a decade and I’m feeling the fatigue as much as I still very much enjoy my job.
In conclusion: I love you all. I’ve kept up with this for as long as I have partly because I’ve always struggled with managing myself effectively, but it's also because I enjoy being with all of you and being one of the commission artist pillars in this niche little community of our’s. I still want to be a part of it, but I need to change some things about myself for that to continue to be sustainable.
TLDR: I’m tired and need to take better care of myself right now. I’m going to be limiting comms to strictly when I open them in socials, FA and on my update server
It's ....been a difficult time for me recently. Well, it has been for everyone, but I digress. My mental health has been worse than it’s ever been. I’ve spent large stretches of time just lying in bed with my eyes closed due to being too mentally exhausted to process anything. Along with everything going on, I’ve had to check up on a lot of my own life things that have fallen by the wayside. I've also been working on credentials for job hunting since December.
After speaking to my therapist, my doctor, and close friends, I think I’ve put into perspective something that I’ve been struggling to accept for a while now. I’ve spent my whole life being the responsible person, everyone’s rock to lean on. It's all I really knew how to do, I had to help my family through poverty as well as help raise three little brothers and to this day I get asked to lend financial support to my family to help pay for basic things.
I carried these skills over to the job that I do now, doing commissions for everyone. I built a reputation as a reliable person that’s usually available to do work to some capacity or another. I even tried to be an emotional pillar for some because I don’t usually like keeping things strictly business with people. I like to be a part of the community that this is.
The problem is that trying to be this available for everyone all the time as well as still maintaining my relationship with my family has slowly worn me down over the years. It was something that I was barely able to keep up with but in light of everything that’s happened I’ve found myself completely falling apart under all the added pressure. Something had to change.
I’ve spent most of my career being swamped with work to one capacity or another. It never reached the levels of bad that it was when I first started, but I’ve consistently been on the backfoot with keeping up with it all. Some people have aired concerns about how I never seem to be open even though I consistently post new work, and I have no real excuse for it. I almost exclusively sustain myself with people who actively come to me with comm requests and I oftentimes find it difficult to say no. It was something that wasn’t going to be sustainable forever. Not just in regards to the workload but the toll on my mental health as well.
All of this is to say that I’m trying to reevaluate my life, starting with announcing that I won’t be taking any spur-of-the-moment comms anymore and I’ll be trying to only do announced openings through socials and my update server. I will get sparks of inspiration still, but I’ll be trying to limit them as much as possible. From now on I’d request that people not come to me with the intent to commission me for something unless I have those openings available.
Talking ideas is fine, just please don’t expect it to translate into a finished piece any time soon, nor would it be advisable to ask me when I’ll be open next, because most of the time I don’t usually know. I have to find a new sustainable pace for myself first to be able to answer that question.
I want to be able to finally get my list paired down to a comfortable place, so I can get owed work out to people more consistently and not feel like I’m constantly sitting on a financial crisis waiting to happen.
After that, I’m going to be moving forward with finding a job so I can diversify my skills and lighten the load on my creative ability for making my income. This will likely mean my output will slow down a bit as well, but I think it's something that’s needed to happen for a while now. I’ve been doing this for over a decade and I’m feeling the fatigue as much as I still very much enjoy my job.
In conclusion: I love you all. I’ve kept up with this for as long as I have partly because I’ve always struggled with managing myself effectively, but it's also because I enjoy being with all of you and being one of the commission artist pillars in this niche little community of our’s. I still want to be a part of it, but I need to change some things about myself for that to continue to be sustainable.
TLDR: I’m tired and need to take better care of myself right now. I’m going to be limiting comms to strictly when I open them in socials, FA and on my update server
We shall wait patiently for whenever you open. For now, be sure to rest and smile more.
I'd love to buy some art from you someday but your personal work is just as fun to see, and I really hope no one expects you to be putting out amazing pieces constantly. You deserve breaks. Treat yourself to some comfort food and get some good rest!
Do what you need to keep yourself together. Hang in there and will be hoping for the best for ya.
Take care ♥
But yeah, I feel you there. It's hard being strong for everyone else, definitely felt the loss of opportunity on many things in life from it. Good that you're getting help and able to re-evaluate things though.
As someone with depression, I wish You best and hope You find yourself and what works for You. This sound silly, but what I once read in the meme and like to tell myself: No matter how bad it seems, as long as we are here,. it's the depression that struggles with us.
I came here from your most recent post, and I just wanted to wish you well, and try your best to take care of yourself, or find others to help take care for you. <3