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I'm turning 29 this year. Here's what I've learned.
6 months ago
Originally, when I thought of doing this post, I wanted to save it for my birthday this year. But maybe I can cut it in half and save the rest for when my birthday eventually comes. I didn't wanna make a journal post about how it was just an announcement about it being my birthday and having comments fueled by obligations. I've started leaning into being a bit more opinionated and valuing my experiences and having it be a teaching/learning moment for others. Sometimes even just reflecting upon them and talking about them out loud, I'd still learn something new about myself. And that's just due to a mental back and forth I'd have whenever I'm about to give a long winded speech about something. (I've lived alone for a year, I've had a TON of time to do that.)
So, with all that said, maybe you're a younger person who could benefit from the teachings of a short old man, or you're an older person who'd have similar experiences from me and would like to compare/contrast for the sake of a civil discussion. Or hell, maybe even someone my age and is sitting next to me on this roller coaster.
Who knows if this is a waste of time to read or to write. If you've been in my livestreams before, you know that I just love to gab.
Also none of my online friends are available during the day, and its 3:44am on my end and I'm taking a drawing break hahaha
1. It's not always about you.
For those times where you're stuck in an elevator and someone was 1% rude to you, or maybe a friend gave a little bit of a deadpan response to your efforts of small talk, keep in mind that you may have had a run of the mill day, but they probably have had a less than stellar day on their end. Maybe they have something on their mind. Maybe they're deep in thought and you're slightly meaningless 'hello' kinda got in the way of their thinking. And that's fine. In that scenario, neither party really did what they did out of malice. All I'm saying is, they're probably having a negative thought in mind. Maybe it was about you. Most sane people wouldn't. Learn to let go, that wasn't about you, let go of the ego for now.
2. The two kinds of apologies.
We'll mess up. Then we apologize. What happens when we do it again? We apologize some more. Until it repeats over and over again, and then an apology just slowly becomes "I'm saying sorry because I have to, because I was raised to say sorry after."
What I mean by this is, its the morally right thing to apologize. Its what our parents taught us. But sometimes the lesson isn't learned just because "we have to". Over time I've met people who's apologies mean nothing because they're not saying "I'm sorry, I won't do it again." They're saying "Please pardon me. If you accept, I have your permission to do this again later."
Over time I've been really trying to unlearn the latter (still failing maybe 2 times out of 10), and I think knowing that exists within me and I'm consciously capable of doing that has kind of put me in positions where I'm a bit more careful with my words/actions, and when I should refrain from lashing out because I don't want to abuse an apology as a "Get Out Of Guilt Free Card"
3. Don't be afraid of people having a thought about you.
Whether its negative, mockery, malice... if people thinking that you suck, you're bad at a certain thing, or you're embarassing yourself despite the fact that you're doing what you love and you're not hurting anyone... this should be plainly obvious to you: You're not the one in the wrong in that regard.
The mentally and emotionally well would not have a care in the world if you love board games, or K-Pop, or video games, or [insert cringey nerdy thing here] because they THEMSELVES have their own pleasures in life. To not yuck another man's yum SHOULD BE the norm. It's not in regards to some people, but it should be anyway. No matter what way you spin it, if another person makes fun of someone who's just having fun, they're the obvious dickhead in that situation, and you're not. So keep doing it anyway.
Quick tangent: The amount of hate I've had in the years I've been in this fandom just because my music preferences aren't EDM or Metal is insane. I've never had a passing thought about EDM or Metal music, but damn-- everytime I meet someone who's personal tastes are so anti-mainstream or incredibly alternative (Almost to the point where it feels like a parody), I already know I'm never talking to you about the music I myself like, just out of the sheer trauma of getting hit with an insult right out the gate. Everytime someone would actually make the decision of saying "Pop is horrible music, and hip hop is garbage"--(Like, THEY THOUGHT ABOUT SAYING THAT TO YOU, how do you justify thinking you're right in doing that?) I get immedietely reminded of why I don't want to talk about music to people.
Anyway, yeah. The art you fap to is from a guy who is blasting Britney, Mariah, Rihanna, Beyonce, Grande, and Gaga all day. If that's a big problem, do get over yourself hahahaha. Maybe you have an opinion about a cheap pop song that's just trying to be inspirational to sell records, but... that kind of music aided me in improving my art on an annual basis AND shaped me into this take-no-nonsense attitude, so joke's on you lol.
Shoutout to the ones who choose to be polite and just say nothing. <3
4. Don't feel too bad about making typos or grammatical errors all the time.
I'll keep this brief-- there are people in this world who only know English all their life, and yet a big majority of them can't read/write/speak it correctly 100% of the time. If they get a pass, so should you, me, and the rest of the bilingual foreigners reading this. You're doing great, I understand you fine.
This got weird, moving along--!
5. I've repeated this many times in the past, but still bear repeating-- have an amazing relationship with yourself.
And because I've stated this so many times in the past, I'll cut it down to the major point I have: Even if you're single or partnered, you always go to bed with the same person you wake up to in the morning: yourself. You are with yourself from the moment you wake up to the last second you're awake. You know what makes you tick, what makes you operate the best, what your flaws are, what you're not into, what keeps you motivated, happy, energized. What depresses you, what halts you, what ruins your day. Get to know yourself some more. Be critically honest about your setbacks and learn, but be celebratory with your accomplishments and learn to accept them.
I'll keep it to five for now, if this is worth doing I might drop another five on my birthday, but maybe I'll keep it strictly to one area only. I debated on whether or not I wanted to make this about *just* art, so maybe I'll do that for the next one.
Have a great day, and stay safe. I'm gonna listen to Doechii's song Catfish one more time.
--
LATE FOLLOW UP:
6. Learn to distinguish who you are and what you think of yourself, versus what other people think of you.
There have been times where I was being talked about in a negative light. For instance, I had a longtime fur friend visit me last year and he told me that a group of friends he knew of spoke about me in a way where they thought I was arrogant and stand off-ish? It genuinely didn't bother me because I know I can be that, but I know that doesn't define me.
So many different factors come into play: Did they think I was arrogant because they had a pre-conceived notion of me that I was kind of a dick, based on the arrogant character I play off on twitter about how I'm the "best foot fetishist" ever? Did they think I was standoffish because they sent me several messages that obviously looked like they were incapable of starting a conversation? (I'm looking at you, people who sends notes with a fucking 'hi') Maybe I was in a bad mood? Maybe the tone of the interaction looked like they were leading up to asking something out of me. (let's not pretend that doesn't happen)
All I'm saying is, I know who I am. I can't be modest, but I can be humbled. I know how to play nice, but I can be the bully if pushed. I can be very intimidating, but I've been told that I was hospitable when they first talk to me in Discord calls.
Another way to look at it, is if a person has never personally interacted with me before, then they'll never know what I'm actually like. So why should their opinion based on a first impression matter to me? It doesn't haha.
If you think I'm a jerk based on what other people told you, and you use that as an excuse to not talk to me... you're missing out an awesome person that could've been a loyal friend. But I guess you'll never know if you don't confirm for yourself. That's your loss, not mine. :)
So, with all that said, maybe you're a younger person who could benefit from the teachings of a short old man, or you're an older person who'd have similar experiences from me and would like to compare/contrast for the sake of a civil discussion. Or hell, maybe even someone my age and is sitting next to me on this roller coaster.
Who knows if this is a waste of time to read or to write. If you've been in my livestreams before, you know that I just love to gab.
Also none of my online friends are available during the day, and its 3:44am on my end and I'm taking a drawing break hahaha
1. It's not always about you.
For those times where you're stuck in an elevator and someone was 1% rude to you, or maybe a friend gave a little bit of a deadpan response to your efforts of small talk, keep in mind that you may have had a run of the mill day, but they probably have had a less than stellar day on their end. Maybe they have something on their mind. Maybe they're deep in thought and you're slightly meaningless 'hello' kinda got in the way of their thinking. And that's fine. In that scenario, neither party really did what they did out of malice. All I'm saying is, they're probably having a negative thought in mind. Maybe it was about you. Most sane people wouldn't. Learn to let go, that wasn't about you, let go of the ego for now.
2. The two kinds of apologies.
We'll mess up. Then we apologize. What happens when we do it again? We apologize some more. Until it repeats over and over again, and then an apology just slowly becomes "I'm saying sorry because I have to, because I was raised to say sorry after."
What I mean by this is, its the morally right thing to apologize. Its what our parents taught us. But sometimes the lesson isn't learned just because "we have to". Over time I've met people who's apologies mean nothing because they're not saying "I'm sorry, I won't do it again." They're saying "Please pardon me. If you accept, I have your permission to do this again later."
Over time I've been really trying to unlearn the latter (still failing maybe 2 times out of 10), and I think knowing that exists within me and I'm consciously capable of doing that has kind of put me in positions where I'm a bit more careful with my words/actions, and when I should refrain from lashing out because I don't want to abuse an apology as a "Get Out Of Guilt Free Card"
3. Don't be afraid of people having a thought about you.
Whether its negative, mockery, malice... if people thinking that you suck, you're bad at a certain thing, or you're embarassing yourself despite the fact that you're doing what you love and you're not hurting anyone... this should be plainly obvious to you: You're not the one in the wrong in that regard.
The mentally and emotionally well would not have a care in the world if you love board games, or K-Pop, or video games, or [insert cringey nerdy thing here] because they THEMSELVES have their own pleasures in life. To not yuck another man's yum SHOULD BE the norm. It's not in regards to some people, but it should be anyway. No matter what way you spin it, if another person makes fun of someone who's just having fun, they're the obvious dickhead in that situation, and you're not. So keep doing it anyway.
Quick tangent: The amount of hate I've had in the years I've been in this fandom just because my music preferences aren't EDM or Metal is insane. I've never had a passing thought about EDM or Metal music, but damn-- everytime I meet someone who's personal tastes are so anti-mainstream or incredibly alternative (Almost to the point where it feels like a parody), I already know I'm never talking to you about the music I myself like, just out of the sheer trauma of getting hit with an insult right out the gate. Everytime someone would actually make the decision of saying "Pop is horrible music, and hip hop is garbage"--(Like, THEY THOUGHT ABOUT SAYING THAT TO YOU, how do you justify thinking you're right in doing that?) I get immedietely reminded of why I don't want to talk about music to people.
Anyway, yeah. The art you fap to is from a guy who is blasting Britney, Mariah, Rihanna, Beyonce, Grande, and Gaga all day. If that's a big problem, do get over yourself hahahaha. Maybe you have an opinion about a cheap pop song that's just trying to be inspirational to sell records, but... that kind of music aided me in improving my art on an annual basis AND shaped me into this take-no-nonsense attitude, so joke's on you lol.
Shoutout to the ones who choose to be polite and just say nothing. <3
4. Don't feel too bad about making typos or grammatical errors all the time.
I'll keep this brief-- there are people in this world who only know English all their life, and yet a big majority of them can't read/write/speak it correctly 100% of the time. If they get a pass, so should you, me, and the rest of the bilingual foreigners reading this. You're doing great, I understand you fine.
This got weird, moving along--!
5. I've repeated this many times in the past, but still bear repeating-- have an amazing relationship with yourself.
And because I've stated this so many times in the past, I'll cut it down to the major point I have: Even if you're single or partnered, you always go to bed with the same person you wake up to in the morning: yourself. You are with yourself from the moment you wake up to the last second you're awake. You know what makes you tick, what makes you operate the best, what your flaws are, what you're not into, what keeps you motivated, happy, energized. What depresses you, what halts you, what ruins your day. Get to know yourself some more. Be critically honest about your setbacks and learn, but be celebratory with your accomplishments and learn to accept them.
I'll keep it to five for now, if this is worth doing I might drop another five on my birthday, but maybe I'll keep it strictly to one area only. I debated on whether or not I wanted to make this about *just* art, so maybe I'll do that for the next one.
Have a great day, and stay safe. I'm gonna listen to Doechii's song Catfish one more time.
--
LATE FOLLOW UP:
6. Learn to distinguish who you are and what you think of yourself, versus what other people think of you.
There have been times where I was being talked about in a negative light. For instance, I had a longtime fur friend visit me last year and he told me that a group of friends he knew of spoke about me in a way where they thought I was arrogant and stand off-ish? It genuinely didn't bother me because I know I can be that, but I know that doesn't define me.
So many different factors come into play: Did they think I was arrogant because they had a pre-conceived notion of me that I was kind of a dick, based on the arrogant character I play off on twitter about how I'm the "best foot fetishist" ever? Did they think I was standoffish because they sent me several messages that obviously looked like they were incapable of starting a conversation? (I'm looking at you, people who sends notes with a fucking 'hi') Maybe I was in a bad mood? Maybe the tone of the interaction looked like they were leading up to asking something out of me. (let's not pretend that doesn't happen)
All I'm saying is, I know who I am. I can't be modest, but I can be humbled. I know how to play nice, but I can be the bully if pushed. I can be very intimidating, but I've been told that I was hospitable when they first talk to me in Discord calls.
Another way to look at it, is if a person has never personally interacted with me before, then they'll never know what I'm actually like. So why should their opinion based on a first impression matter to me? It doesn't haha.
If you think I'm a jerk based on what other people told you, and you use that as an excuse to not talk to me... you're missing out an awesome person that could've been a loyal friend. But I guess you'll never know if you don't confirm for yourself. That's your loss, not mine. :)
And happy early 29 birthday too ;w; 👍
and its not a knock on other music genres, I genuinely have no problem living in a world where that type of music exists, but that kind of music genre tribalism that is being forced onto me has always been so stupid to me. and this is a stretch but, maybe its people who were victims of bullying from people who listened to that kind of music. and i feel for them, but needlessly attacking me over it will achieve nothing
let THE CEO DRAW WHILE LISTENING TO BOPS DAMMIT 😤
Also: Number 4 is so true. English is a second language for me and growing up being bullied over "not speaking proper English" is wild to look back upon when I realized that native speakers don't speak proper English either.
Also, praise autocorrect and spellchecks on browser.
And it is true. I've had an online conversation with someone recently who took a bit to respond to every message because they were translating everything in their head first before typing out of fear that they might appear unintelligent, and I knew I had to immediately knock that wall down because it didn't need to be there
plus, like i said, there are people who only speak English all their life and they don't get it right 100% of the time. i once saw a video of an american girl describe a cabinet as a "white wooden thing" and at the age of 14 I genuinely thought that was funny, and it wasn't even the point of the video. So I guess as long as you get your point across as precisely as you can, and you're not attempting quality grammar for the sake of a report card... we can afford to take it easy.
Blast that Britney/Gaga, woo
You've got some interesting stuff you put down in this journal and I won't deny they're wise words.
To be honest though, I'm a very sensitive person and I find it hard to follow the third rule.
I've already had bad experiences with others who looked down on me in certain ways and the worst part is, they're above consequences which is what really hurts the most. I've had depression since March 2020.
The third one is one that I struggle with often because I worry too much about what others think. It even happened earlier today.
The first one is very important. I try to give people the energy I wish to receive, so I try to treat everyone with kindness and respect even if I may not be in the best mood because I don't want to add negativity onto them, especially if they aren't feeling the best either.
I also adore pop music. Lady Gaga and Britney Spears are two of my favorite pop queens. Gaga is my fave. (-^_^-)
And someone whose taste isn't generally non-mainstream, I really feel for ya there. It's so stupid that some people care about that sm >m< There are a looot of elitists in both metal and edm too, which.. hoo boy lol
But yee! Happy early Birthday Mr CEO poss uwu Hope ya have a great one when it comes around!
But yes I'm incredibly happy with myself! I try to surround myself with good people and I've built this environment around me to keep me inspired and motivated, without getting too overstimulated. plus moving from twt to bsky definitely helped with calming me down
Thanks, Harley 🙏
It's curious because even when you're turning *just* 29 seems that you have understand a lot of things more than a lot of people out there. I found super interesting to read all of this coming from your experience, and I'm sure I'll be learning and applying a lot of them, so thanks a lot for sharing!
For me it was specially important how you mentioned the point about 'not everything is about you' when it comes to comments that may not be nice at all. And I think it's a interesting thing to keep in mind since -personally- I struggle a lot when close people doesn't value or give mean comments about something in putting effort on.
Aaand... There's nothing wrong with defending your musical tastes :D I think it's just silly to judge people just because they like mainstream music. All of us have different opinions about everything music included, and it's awesome that you find pride in what you like, and also, how much that music has helped you to grow!
Thanks for sharing this lessons with all of us. For taking the time to write a long journal, and obviously, for your art and being an inspiration to many of us. Greetings!
In regards to the mean comments, do you mean submissions online? With art? Because to that, I will say this: The more you pay attention to the hate, the bigger disservice you're doing to the people that do support you. No one would/should go out of their way to just tell you an insult when all you did was post your work. People are intentionally going out of their way to do that. And whenever someone does that to me, I kinda pity them. The satisfaction it gives them when they do that to me lasts for hours, and then they go back to being miserable until they do it again.
Try this for a mindset: Drawing is hard. And you still do it. You're both talented and skilled enough to do it well. The happiness and satisfaction it gives you will always be greater than the satisfaction a troll would have from making a hate comment. At the end of the day, you have the power of being an artist. All they have is spite, and a keyboard.
And yes, if not for cheesy and catchy inspirational music, I would not have the confidence to think "I am a good artist. I will be a good artist. Now, what does a good artist do? Create. And be so undeniably good at it, that people who say otherwise are obviously lying to themselves, or are stupid." :)
have a good day and stay safe
The music thing is really interesting. Music is actually extremely important to most people in society, so it's no wonder to me that a lot of people have strong opinions either way. Ofc that doesn't excuse belittling others' tastes. Also, furries being so commonly allergic to rap is very funny and a bit eye-opening when you look at the demographics for the average Western furry. Honest-to-god? EDM isn't even remotely counterculture anymore; not at the surface-level. You have to look deep into much more specific subgenres of EDM if you're looking for the counterculture. I've been to over a dozen fur-cons now, and the surface-level EDM subgenres are always hyper-present at the raves. They make this stuff about as accessible and inoffensive as it could possibly be for the fandom lol.
Also yeah, I guess I used to also be in that same group of making fun of other people for their music tastes, but then I turned 26 and it got incredibly tiring playing the role of snob, and having little to no return on it. I don't even get the satisfaction of it anymore, its not like I listen to incredibly complex compositions, so who am I to have a say in that regard. I listen to what I like, I don't force it down people's throats. Even on streams when I'm playing music I have that thing turned down.
I love pop. I didn't realize it was so unusual an opinion. Love me some 90's boyband or bubblegum more than anything....seriously, people give you flak for that?
and yes, recently I had a stream where someone had come in and immedietely shat on the music I was listening to (I think it was 2000s rnb) and said "everyone should be listening to nu metal". And then proceeded to type in "I have the stream muted, I dont know if youre talking to me. my whole family's in the room" which is by far, the least metal thing i've ever heard
But yeah, I can agree with all your points. I don't get the idea of making yourself do something you don't enjoy just because it's more acceptable, never have. People are way too quick to try and police your interests when they don't matter to anyone but yourself :/ You keep listening to what you like, spite those MF'ers. Besides, pop is awesome.
Especially with not knowing if I catch a friend in chat during a bad moment.
For some people, it's also hard to accept themselves. But there's only one way but up, right?
Also, why wouldnt someone expand their taste in music? It's ok to have a fav, but it doesnt mean that it's the ONLY one that you should hear lel