The truths about my life are more out and the people of the entire planet want me dead now more than what they wanted from 2019 all the way to 2025. I have no identity of my own. Every day I lived is a day I've lied. This personality is a lie and not mine. It's what people wanted me to be or molded me to be. Even though I'm aware my life is a lie I have to keep up the facade to appease and please people. If I'm not what people want me to be. I'd be looked at with disdain, hate, unacceptance, distrust, disgust. Mother was right all along. Once people know the real you. They will hate you. The world will hate you and never want you around. I must live up to everyone's expectations. Even my mother says the life and personality I'm living are fake and lie and play. That's not you. I know you more than you know yourself. What even is me? My real true self. I don't know and will never know. I don't even know who I am any more by this point. But the one that contributed the most was my mother the all-knowing God of my life. All that I know about my true self is that I'm gay and those feelings are true and I love drawing. That's not even a personality. There needs to be more because according to the definition of a personality. The combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character. My manners are my mother forcing me to be nice and go to etiquette classes, that's a lie added to my personality. The hurt everyone and kill them is what my father taught me, that's a lie added to my personality. There are in total 25 things forced by people to live up to make up the lie personality. I can't be myself if I don't know what my true self is. I need more professional help besides what my psychiatrist and therapist can provide. Guys. Please Tell me how to fix that. I don't want to be living proof of what Pearl said. She said, "You just lead a short, boring, insignificant life, so you make up stories to feel like you are a part of something bigger, you want to blame all the world's problems on some single enemy you can fight, instead of a complex network of interrelated forces beyond your control."