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Reality Check
7 months ago
I decided to scroll to the very beginning of my PMs with someone just now.
I just realized how much I have changed, and not in a good way. I've become bitter, closed off, constantly depressive, unapproachable, etc.
Back then, I was anything but that.
I feel broken. I feel like a hollow shell of my former self. I feel like my former self had shriveled up into nothingness at some point.
Those times where I felt that rush of energy? Those "WE'RE SO BACK" moments. Turns out I was never back. It was always so over, for me.
I chose to destroy bridges with friends and people, believing that I was the problem with everything. Well, in a weird, paradoxical way, I guess it became true? But not in the way I was thinking; I've become the problem BECAUSE I burned the bridges.
And with the bridges that still remain, I've raised my guard up so much that it's impossible to get anything good out of me nowadays.
I've lost my trust in people in general.
...
This was a big reality check for me.
...
...where did I go so wrong..?
...
Is this what crashing out is?
I just realized how much I have changed, and not in a good way. I've become bitter, closed off, constantly depressive, unapproachable, etc.
Back then, I was anything but that.
I feel broken. I feel like a hollow shell of my former self. I feel like my former self had shriveled up into nothingness at some point.
Those times where I felt that rush of energy? Those "WE'RE SO BACK" moments. Turns out I was never back. It was always so over, for me.
I chose to destroy bridges with friends and people, believing that I was the problem with everything. Well, in a weird, paradoxical way, I guess it became true? But not in the way I was thinking; I've become the problem BECAUSE I burned the bridges.
And with the bridges that still remain, I've raised my guard up so much that it's impossible to get anything good out of me nowadays.
I've lost my trust in people in general.
...
This was a big reality check for me.
...
...where did I go so wrong..?
...
Is this what crashing out is?
