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Updates - CW://ATTEMPTED SU*C*DE
4 months ago
For those who were awake to night's ago and saw me breaking down, I want to apologize for the worry.
I do need to admit though, I took a handful of benadryl in an attempt to not wake up the next morning. It was well into a normally lethal amount.
However, due to tolerances built by all my meds, it failed to work.
Obviously people are going to be happy it didn't work, and with a more clear head now I am too, but I want to emphasize that, like many times in the past, I did technically successful do what I needed to to end it, but factors beyond my control didn't allow for it.
Knowing I did it hurts.
I've had attempts in the passed that were unsuccessful sure, but the times I've done my part to make it happen and for it to still fall through, those haunt me. Especially because I have continued try and have my completed attempts fall short.
With every job opportunity falling through due to my type of disability, with all sources of income (plasma donation included) being shot down due to the possibility of siezures, and now the bills passing to take away life saving medicine, I don't know what else to do.
I've at least had Healthcare through all this and with the absence of that being possible, I won't have any of the stuff I need to even mildly get by. I won't be here once the medications run out, that's for certain.
I'm scared out of my mind and it's only going to get worse from here.
Asking for help has always made me feel horrible, and contributes to this stress. With it being the only option for survival, it's all I can do. And with medical going away and needing to pay out of pocket for every single thing, it won't be viable anymore.
I'm being as transparent as possible because I've been trained to now by my therapist. If this reaches people that can help, if it helps people understand my wellbeing, or if it shows the world how bad things can get, maybe this post will be worth it.
If you wish to donate to my wellbeing and help me last as long as possible, or until things change in the government or my disability hopefully goes through, I'd be beyond grateful.
Thank you.
Paypal: https://www.paypal.me/KampferWolf
Ko-fi: https://www.ko-fi.com/kampferwolf
Cashapp: https://www.cash.app/$KampferWolf
I do need to admit though, I took a handful of benadryl in an attempt to not wake up the next morning. It was well into a normally lethal amount.
However, due to tolerances built by all my meds, it failed to work.
Obviously people are going to be happy it didn't work, and with a more clear head now I am too, but I want to emphasize that, like many times in the past, I did technically successful do what I needed to to end it, but factors beyond my control didn't allow for it.
Knowing I did it hurts.
I've had attempts in the passed that were unsuccessful sure, but the times I've done my part to make it happen and for it to still fall through, those haunt me. Especially because I have continued try and have my completed attempts fall short.
With every job opportunity falling through due to my type of disability, with all sources of income (plasma donation included) being shot down due to the possibility of siezures, and now the bills passing to take away life saving medicine, I don't know what else to do.
I've at least had Healthcare through all this and with the absence of that being possible, I won't have any of the stuff I need to even mildly get by. I won't be here once the medications run out, that's for certain.
I'm scared out of my mind and it's only going to get worse from here.
Asking for help has always made me feel horrible, and contributes to this stress. With it being the only option for survival, it's all I can do. And with medical going away and needing to pay out of pocket for every single thing, it won't be viable anymore.
I'm being as transparent as possible because I've been trained to now by my therapist. If this reaches people that can help, if it helps people understand my wellbeing, or if it shows the world how bad things can get, maybe this post will be worth it.
If you wish to donate to my wellbeing and help me last as long as possible, or until things change in the government or my disability hopefully goes through, I'd be beyond grateful.
Thank you.
Paypal: https://www.paypal.me/KampferWolf
Ko-fi: https://www.ko-fi.com/kampferwolf
Cashapp: https://www.cash.app/$KampferWolf
Maliryu
~maliryu
The moment I have more financial freedom ,I will def commission you . As for everything else I will take it to DMs.
Ahura
~ahura
I’m glad you’re still here Kampy, honestly if I could help I would but I’m broke as a joke which has gotten old. You need me to post a journal or anything on social media for you. That I can do.
Zerky DeVore
~wolvengamer
I had no idea! Fuck. I'm glad you're okay. I know it's not easy to have hope these days, but please don't forget you have people who love you
Surryfox
~surryfox
Hey lovely, It really sucks things have gotten so bad for you, and I do hope things pick up. wishing you all the best! Your arts always give a lot of joy to see, and you've improved so much over the years i've followed you. Wishing you all the best yeah?
Conquistador92
~conquistador92
Your life matters, ok? Never forget that
