Understood. Take Care.

Inevitably, a healthy relationship relies on each party offering something the other wants and, most importantly, that something being more than just attention, as that's effectively free and requires little to no actual commitment.

This can manifest in several ways; one provides social prowess (more than merely talking, but truly interacting and being a 'safe space' for vulnerability or meaningful help beyond simple 'advice').

Another might provide wisdom, knowledge, and creativity in a deep and impactful way, acting as a force-multiplier for the endeavors of their friend (and this goes well-beyond merely being an 'ideas guy' as it entails actually helping to bring those goals to fruition).

The next is able to act as practical assistance, whether it be through skills or simple doggedness; this tends to pair up with the previous example well.

The last major example is the provider, someone whose services can be measured and fulfill a significant desire the other has. This is you, in large part, judging by the few words I have to reference here in your post.

You might get a thousand and one empty platitudes of how you're a 'Nice' person and people should totally be your friend, yet your own history and heart knows this to be false. They don't approach you, you approach them. If you are the one that has to initiate every single time, then it's a one-sided relationship.

For the provider, the end product's 'quality' also matters; intentions are, at best, ethereal, and only mean even that much when there are quality end products from the past to reference.

There is no kind way to say it, but you will have difficulty connecting with highly skilled and popular artists in a circular 'provider' relationship when your own work lacks the level of refinement theirs does. Your writing is simple and the pictures amateurish. Simply put a story of yours beside a high quality fanfic, or your art beside the art of someone you look up to, and the stark difference will explain in ways I couldn't with ten-thousand words.

To read this might feel like cruelty, but with it comes clarity, since you'll know why things are the way they are rather than be lost in the dark of human relationships and us disguising our true intentions beneath a veneer of polite society and social norms. Then, with that knowledge, you can at least pursue the growth and practice that will make your work, and by extension you, desirable to others looking for a 'provider' friendship. Or perhaps study to become a font of wisdom, or learn human psychology for the social, or skills for the practical archetype. Each has a lot of overlap, but the one constant is they all take a lot of effort.

And a good friendship it's built upon a lot of effort inputted before it even begins.

I will admit I am not sure I get everything you mean here, cause as you said, my writing is simple cause that is how I process information, but I think I understand enough to know that you are correct, and I am aware of my shortcomings as an artist and writer. Frankly, I will admit it's strangely satisfying to hear someone finally admit that.

Though I have to say that having a provider relationship isn't the end goal, when I talk to other,s I want to have those other forms of friendship,I want to be there and help them whenever they might need it, to have complex comversations and talk about common interest and hyperfixations the two of us have, pretty much I do desire standard realtionship but for me most of the time that amounts to finding someone who doesn't know how to talk or someone who can and then ghosted me. Along with most of the ones I talk to, the popular ABDL artist also knew my lack of quality in art and promised to mentor me among other more private things that gave me a impression we were closer than I thought, but whenever for whatever reason that they never tell me as soon as they promise me that they always leave, and never tell me why, this has happened to me twice with two very well know artist in the community and being friended by someone without social skills is a dime a dozen situation with me.

With that said, this journal was more about me explaining my past as I have a better understanding of myself to know my current mental state and how I'm not making myself a prioity in the grand scheme of things and something I hope to fix in the current year so I can focus on my goals even if I have to learn them by myself and not muddy my mind on pleasing others

They're complicated concepts and it can be hard to 'simplify' them. If I can't translate them clearly, that is partially my fault for not being skilled enough. It'll try to make it more understandable with less 'flowery' language.

It can be hard to get people to admit that they don't like something when its creator is standing beside it. You'll hear people tell you 'Your stuff is great!' yet the views, favourites, and depth of interaction (or lack of them) don't match what should be 'great'. There can be a dissonance between what you're told and reality. Even if the truth can be hard, some people find more relief knowing that they lack something than being given a polite lie that they do, as it means you at least have a clear direction to move towards. I'm glad that you're mature enough as a person to understand and accept that you have a lot of growth left to you, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. We all start simple, it takes a lot of effort and time to gain those skills. "Making something look easy is really difficult", as the saying goes. You have as much potential in you as you're willing to dedicate to nurturing it, that is the beauty of the human race, and it is your gift as well.

It sucks that's the experience you've dealt with. Promises are easy to make, and easier to break, sadly. For that same reason, I can't commit to providing that kind of promise myself, but I can at least point you towards some resources you can pursue in your search for self-improvement.

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a very old (1936) book that is nevertheless still relevant, as human society and social structures are still quite similar (also, its age means it's free): https://archive.org/details/how-to-.....ge/n3/mode/2up

A website to practice your drawing fundamentals. Basic shapes and such are still important to practice for learning how perspective and lighting works, even if it feels silly to draw a cube at slightly different angles a few hundred times. The world is formed of simple geometry that stacks together to make complex geometry, after all: https://line-of-action.com/

For writing, there's a million and one style guides. My go-to suggestion is that a good writer is a great reader first and foremost. Find a celebrated, professional author and really get to reading. Mark passages you particularly enjoyed so you can look at them later and figure out why you liked them. Consider how they structure their sentences. Over time, you'll form a style of your own that's an amalgamation of your favourite works and authors. Don't over-analyze it like a book report, though; the focus is on finding enjoyment and thinking about what makes you enjoy it, not psycho-analyzing why the curtains are blue. A great story is a unicorn, and a unicorn stops being so magical when you dissect it. I suggest Terry Pratchett or, if you want to get meta and something that's easier to read, Jasper Fforde. Both are clever and humorous writers with distinct styles.

Yeah I always preferred the truth If something I made is bad, I always wanted to know, especially considering I already hate my art and know it's bad anyway, and want replies of how to improve and what I can do later than just the same generic comments that why your comment is such a breath of fresh air to me right now, you have no idea

And I appreciate you giving me these ideas on how to improve the line of action, one will really help me out since I am practicing and learning about skeletons right now, so this was exactly what I needed along with the other two things through I do struggle to have interest in "normal" books but it could be something to work on

so yeah thank you again for this truly, you have no idea how much this means to me that you commented all this,

I'm glad I could provide that clarity and clear the air of platitude smog.

That's exactly the sort of stuff you'll need if you want to really go deep with drawing. Don't get too crazy to start; fundamentals exist for a reason, and skeletons aren't exactly 'simple' :P

Then I'd suggest Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series for you, since they are definitely not 'normal' books. If you want fanfiction, I can recommend Daystar Eld as well. It's stylistically pretty simple, but it more than makes up for that by truly analyzing and revising the world of Pokemon. Writing, as with any skill, has many different areas of expertise, and it might be that exploring this sort of world-building is what will spark your passion instead.

It's my pleasure and privilege to have helped guide you. May your quill stay sharp, and your inkwell never dry.

Well, for the sake of how my mind works, I will need to figure out how to simplify it, as I think that is my best chance to be able to fully understand it at least a little before anything else

Also thanks for the other writer's suggestions, shame there are gay ABDL fics with this kind of writing but I am not surprised there isn't so gotta take what I can get lol

But yeah, thanks again for the direction it still really means a lot.