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Some thoughts on my sexuality.
2 months ago
So... I'm just typing this journal out from the heart, forgive me for any errors or jumps in topic, along with if things are unclear... I just need to get this stuff off my chest.
I have officially created an sfw account,
SmolderingHearth
Essentially, as you all may already know, I am on the asexual spectrum, and definitely am still discovering myself and what my sexual identity is in all this.
To preface, I have been recently having some thoughts of perhaps make an alt or truesona. Don't get me wrong, I love Ren, he's honestly an extension of me nowadays, and I have owned him for nearly three years now... But as of recently, I have been seeing and experiencing how they see me for just Ren, and sometimes it feels like they just see me as a way to get their rocks off, and they don't see me for the person behind Ren. Me in person? I know I don't really look the best, and I have absolutely no interest or attraction to sex or any of the acts related to it in person...
And that asexual side of me is honestly really getting to me when people see me as Ren, a big, hot, buff dragon who could show them a good time in the bedroom... And that's just not who I am, and I'm honestly so fucking tired of people who see him for JUST that. Ren is an extension of ME. My thoughts. My interests. He's an amalgamation of so many things I love, and it really hurts me when people see him just for the horny side of him.
I honestly don't want to cast Ren aside, as I really feel like he's a part of me, but sometimes I just wish I could. So I honestly want to try and create a alternative Sona that would truly represent who ***I*** am. Something that I would be happy to use in art, something that would not make me put aside Ren for my own sanity. I don't want to cast him aside...
I'm just so tired of the hypersexual side of this community sometimes, but I know there's no way ot get rid of it, so I put up with it. But I really feel like creating a alt/truesona would really help these feelings of mine. It will definitely take a lot of time, but I definitely will be asking friends for help and assistance in creating the Sona.
Thank you all who read this rambling of mine... It means alot.
-Ren
I have officially created an sfw account,
SmolderingHearthEssentially, as you all may already know, I am on the asexual spectrum, and definitely am still discovering myself and what my sexual identity is in all this.
To preface, I have been recently having some thoughts of perhaps make an alt or truesona. Don't get me wrong, I love Ren, he's honestly an extension of me nowadays, and I have owned him for nearly three years now... But as of recently, I have been seeing and experiencing how they see me for just Ren, and sometimes it feels like they just see me as a way to get their rocks off, and they don't see me for the person behind Ren. Me in person? I know I don't really look the best, and I have absolutely no interest or attraction to sex or any of the acts related to it in person...
And that asexual side of me is honestly really getting to me when people see me as Ren, a big, hot, buff dragon who could show them a good time in the bedroom... And that's just not who I am, and I'm honestly so fucking tired of people who see him for JUST that. Ren is an extension of ME. My thoughts. My interests. He's an amalgamation of so many things I love, and it really hurts me when people see him just for the horny side of him.
I honestly don't want to cast Ren aside, as I really feel like he's a part of me, but sometimes I just wish I could. So I honestly want to try and create a alternative Sona that would truly represent who ***I*** am. Something that I would be happy to use in art, something that would not make me put aside Ren for my own sanity. I don't want to cast him aside...
I'm just so tired of the hypersexual side of this community sometimes, but I know there's no way ot get rid of it, so I put up with it. But I really feel like creating a alt/truesona would really help these feelings of mine. It will definitely take a lot of time, but I definitely will be asking friends for help and assistance in creating the Sona.
Thank you all who read this rambling of mine... It means alot.
-Ren
If you feel Ren doesn't really encapsulate who you are, I highly encourage you to come up with something new, especially if the current model brings you unwanted attention.
I did the same thing a while back and it’s been a very freeing experience <3 doesn’t mean you have to abandon your old character either, I still very much use my former sona just as a character and not as me!
Additionally you could try working on his lore and backstory, so he's more fleshed out as a character and extension of yourself, and then maybe others won't just see him as nothing but 9 foot eyecandy -n-'
But just like people are too hypersexual, there are also people that grow too attached. That’s another thing to take note of. Unfortunately, I feel Ren has become such an attachment to you, because of how much you’ve done with him. But having met you and knowing you for several months, I know he isn’t really who you are. Ren is a fantastic character, but sometimes you need a new chapter and a new renewed sense of representation to both separate your deep connection to Ren and to give yourself a better voice. Ren is not your voice, you have your own.
Even the fact that Ren as a character is gay and can be extremely sexual and kinky and such, is the biggest sign he isn’t like you, cause you aren’t like that. They might be some interests, but you are not like him like that.
So, creating a new true-sona I think is exactly what you should do. Ren can still be the face you put up, but separating yourself from him is possibly what is gonna be better for you mentally. So instead you can keep a guarded, fully SFW sona for yourself who can’t be manipulated and can’t be used by hormone driven people. I absolutely support you for wanting to change things up and give your characters and yourself better respect.
I do agree with what some of the people said here, like
Personally, I wouldn't cast Ren aside. I feel he represents your freaky side (my friends turned me into this lexicon). Again, it does suck that people would rather have Ren for more sensual purposes, other than vore. I do hope this conundrum ends in peaceful resolve, and that you'll finally be able to truly represent yourself
💙Wiz💙
I think having a truesona of sorts could be beneficial so you could relate to them more on a real, personal level. It's well known that there is a very very sexualised section of the fandom (1*). With that in mind, I think it should be stated that this side just sees "oh, this person gets/draws art with this char in sexual situations a lot. They must love sex, too!" especially if there's cock alts for poses/situations that don't exactly "call" for it, if you know what I'm sayin'. So, if you're still wantin' to keep Ren close to you, you could try toning down the lewd side of the character and see if it starts to feel better over time (and maybe have it alongside a truesona, still)? Otherwise, focusing more on a truesona of yourself, and getting art that shows you, your true self/identity, and how you'd be could be good. Ren could still pop up now and then, of course, as it'd be up to you entirely.
(1*) I dislike the term hypersexual here because that's a legitimate thing and not apt for what people are trying to refer to
EDIT: That said though, I would not blame you if you switched your 'sona at all. That is absolutely your decision and yours alone. I wish you all the love and respect regardless of your choice <3
I know in my case, I do enjoy the thought of these things. It's a fun fantasy for me, but I would never do anything like that offline. I have no desire to ever do anything lewd in person and would be absolutely... mmm... terrified... isn't the right term... embarrassed definitely.... ashamed... I think ashamed would be the right way to describe how I would feel if someone wanted to actually have sex with me.
I genuinely hope it goes well for you because i cant imagine how that mustve felt