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New School…Personal Problems…
4 months ago
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Hey guys!
This topic today is more private, but it was laying heavily on me, so I kinda want to tell it to someone, to release the presire, which is on me currently. I also think that it might help, to write it all down somewhere, to feel better.
In 2 weeks my Summer holidays end and that means, that I go into the 11th grade of School. I go to a gymnasium to be more specific. My new School isn‘t exactly a new School, since its the same school from the last school years, but on the gymnasium are only people allowed, who had grades in the 10th grade, which were good enough to join the gymnasium. I was one of them who can join it and to be honest in the last days or so, I have a thought in the back of my mind, which tells me, that it was a mistake to go to the gymnasium. Some reasons for this may be, that we write like 6 Class tests in every half year of a school year and in the 12th and 13th school year, there will be 12 class tests every half year of a school year and that worries me a lot, because its just too much for me too handle. I don’t know how I should manage to study for every class test at the same time. Also when I fail too many Class Tests, I can‘t get my high school diploma, even if my final exam is good, which sounds stupid to me, because in my opinion the final Exam should count more than the failed tests. All of this put a lot of presure on me. Also, the school days probally will be very long, like from mornign until afternoon or so. So i am kinda worried, that I might not have much time for my hobbies anymore, like drawing, gaming, etc… Another worry is, that I might get bullied, because there are some people, which annoyed me basically since the 5th grade. I often got bullied and also got hurt, they made fun of me being gay, and embarrased in a bus in the public, so I am very worried about that it could happen again. Also, one fried of mine left the school to attent on an diffrent gymnasium, so i can‘t see her. So there are only like 4 good friends of mine and no one of them accept one is in my class. So i only can see them in the break. Furthermore, its very hard for me to find new persons to be friends with, because I am socially awkward and I am very Introverted, so its very very hard for me to speak with persons. But not gonna lie, I am not sure if I will find some new friends there, because i think they find me weird, including me, because sometimes I kinda act weird, because i am often nervous around other persons. The only place on which I can talk with persons fine is discord or other Digital medias, but only chatting tho. To be honest, I often don‘t want to go out, because basically the entire school (last year related) knows me and not in a good way and because of that, i don’t want to met any bullies randomly in my town. I don‘t know what I‘ve done to deserve hate, but it just destroyes me often from the inside. School is just hell to me. The bullying basically started in the 1st grade of elementary and continued until the 10th grade. I will see if the new school year will be better or worse.
Another Problem is actually meet new people, which i‘ve mentioned earlier. Its hard for me to conect with peoples, even on discord or other socials, where its easier for me to conect with people. I am on a couple of discord servers and every time i write something in the chat, I got mostly ignored and that is happening basically everytime. Even when the chat is death and no one is writing in it. I often feel like that I get denied. Currently I often post my art or other stuff on the discord servers, to be atleast a member of the community. I often have days, on which I have no idea what to do, because I really want to chat with persons and have fun. I of course have like discord friends, but most of them are offline the whole day until noon or night. So if you want, you can DM on discord, but you don’t of to do it, I don’t force anyone to do it.
Finally, I have a more harmless problem of mine, which is that I keep forgetting things, like Birthdays or other importand stuff or things. For example, last week my Mom told me that she need help with grocery shopping the next day and that I have to wake up early, but at noon I completely forgot it until my mother reminded me on the next day, as she woke me up. The same is for school stuff. Last year I was proud of myself, that I gave my teachers everything on time, but I only managed to do it, because I wrote with my Pen on my hand or arm, that I have to give my parents an importand school letter, but even with that trick, I forgot it often and also even forgot that i wrote something on my hand or arm. I have no clue how to fix it, but its a problem which is bugging me very much.
Thank you, that you took time to read all of this. It kinda means a lot to me
Have a nice day or night, cya!
(Sorry, if there were any spelling mistakes or gramatically wrong phrases. English is not my native language)
This topic today is more private, but it was laying heavily on me, so I kinda want to tell it to someone, to release the presire, which is on me currently. I also think that it might help, to write it all down somewhere, to feel better.
In 2 weeks my Summer holidays end and that means, that I go into the 11th grade of School. I go to a gymnasium to be more specific. My new School isn‘t exactly a new School, since its the same school from the last school years, but on the gymnasium are only people allowed, who had grades in the 10th grade, which were good enough to join the gymnasium. I was one of them who can join it and to be honest in the last days or so, I have a thought in the back of my mind, which tells me, that it was a mistake to go to the gymnasium. Some reasons for this may be, that we write like 6 Class tests in every half year of a school year and in the 12th and 13th school year, there will be 12 class tests every half year of a school year and that worries me a lot, because its just too much for me too handle. I don’t know how I should manage to study for every class test at the same time. Also when I fail too many Class Tests, I can‘t get my high school diploma, even if my final exam is good, which sounds stupid to me, because in my opinion the final Exam should count more than the failed tests. All of this put a lot of presure on me. Also, the school days probally will be very long, like from mornign until afternoon or so. So i am kinda worried, that I might not have much time for my hobbies anymore, like drawing, gaming, etc… Another worry is, that I might get bullied, because there are some people, which annoyed me basically since the 5th grade. I often got bullied and also got hurt, they made fun of me being gay, and embarrased in a bus in the public, so I am very worried about that it could happen again. Also, one fried of mine left the school to attent on an diffrent gymnasium, so i can‘t see her. So there are only like 4 good friends of mine and no one of them accept one is in my class. So i only can see them in the break. Furthermore, its very hard for me to find new persons to be friends with, because I am socially awkward and I am very Introverted, so its very very hard for me to speak with persons. But not gonna lie, I am not sure if I will find some new friends there, because i think they find me weird, including me, because sometimes I kinda act weird, because i am often nervous around other persons. The only place on which I can talk with persons fine is discord or other Digital medias, but only chatting tho. To be honest, I often don‘t want to go out, because basically the entire school (last year related) knows me and not in a good way and because of that, i don’t want to met any bullies randomly in my town. I don‘t know what I‘ve done to deserve hate, but it just destroyes me often from the inside. School is just hell to me. The bullying basically started in the 1st grade of elementary and continued until the 10th grade. I will see if the new school year will be better or worse.
Another Problem is actually meet new people, which i‘ve mentioned earlier. Its hard for me to conect with peoples, even on discord or other socials, where its easier for me to conect with people. I am on a couple of discord servers and every time i write something in the chat, I got mostly ignored and that is happening basically everytime. Even when the chat is death and no one is writing in it. I often feel like that I get denied. Currently I often post my art or other stuff on the discord servers, to be atleast a member of the community. I often have days, on which I have no idea what to do, because I really want to chat with persons and have fun. I of course have like discord friends, but most of them are offline the whole day until noon or night. So if you want, you can DM on discord, but you don’t of to do it, I don’t force anyone to do it.
Finally, I have a more harmless problem of mine, which is that I keep forgetting things, like Birthdays or other importand stuff or things. For example, last week my Mom told me that she need help with grocery shopping the next day and that I have to wake up early, but at noon I completely forgot it until my mother reminded me on the next day, as she woke me up. The same is for school stuff. Last year I was proud of myself, that I gave my teachers everything on time, but I only managed to do it, because I wrote with my Pen on my hand or arm, that I have to give my parents an importand school letter, but even with that trick, I forgot it often and also even forgot that i wrote something on my hand or arm. I have no clue how to fix it, but its a problem which is bugging me very much.
Thank you, that you took time to read all of this. It kinda means a lot to me
Have a nice day or night, cya!
(Sorry, if there were any spelling mistakes or gramatically wrong phrases. English is not my native language)
