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Christian and Republican self-identify, just like trans folk
3 months ago
General
You ever notice how every Christian who loses their shit over trans people self-identifying… self-identifies as a Christian?
And every Republican who froths at the mouth about “you can’t just say you are something” has no problem slapping a big red R by their name and calling it a day?
Let’s take a slow, sarcastic stroll through this flaming hypocrisy carnival, shall we?
Exhibit A: Christianity.
There’s no DNA test for Jesus. There’s no baptism chromosome. If I drag you to a lab, you can’t piss on a stick and have it come out “positive for Christ.” Your whole “identity” as a Christian is built on self-declaration. You said the magic words, dunked yourself in some lukewarm water, and boom — new species unlocked: Child of God™.
But apparently, when I say “hey, actually, I’m a woman,” suddenly we need SCIENCE. Suddenly there must be blood tests, bone measurements, and an academic panel of Oxford professors in lab coats stamping my gender like a fucking passport. But when you call yourself “washed in the blood of the Lamb” nobody makes you produce a single fluid sample, do they, Karen?
Exhibit B: Republicans.
Again: no objective metric. It’s not like the hospital slaps a sticker on your ass at birth that says “Future Tax Cuts For The Rich Voter.” You decide you’re a Republican. You self-ID. You tick the little box on the ballot and now you’re part of the club.
And then you go online and scream, “You can’t just identify as something you’re not!” Bitch, your entire political party is made up of people identifying as elephants because it makes them feel big and strong, when in reality you’re just an angry raccoon in a red tie.
And don’t even get me started on the number of them who “identify” as pro-life while also identifying as divorced, adulterous, porn-watching hypocrites. Your identity is built on cosplay and vibes.
Here’s the kicker: self-identification is literally the foundation of human society. Religion? Self-ID. Politics? Self-ID. Nationality? Self-ID. Hell, even sports teams — you identify with Manchester United. You’re not genetically bonded to the football, Brian.
But the second trans people do it? Oh no, suddenly it’s the end of civilization. Suddenly it’s chaos, apocalypse, dogs and cats living together. Somehow it’s fine when you say “I’m a Christian” even though nobody checked your blood type for Jesus antibodies, but I can’t say “I’m a woman” without some smug bastard wanting to inspect my chromosomes like they’re fucking Pokémon cards.
So let’s call it what it is: hypocrisy on stilts. The Christian who says “you can’t just identify as something you’re not” is literally identifying as a Christian without proof. The Republican who says “facts don’t care about your feelings” is literally a feelings-based self-identifier for a political tribe.
If self-identification isn’t real, then neither is your religion, your politics, or your patriotism. And maybe next time you open your mouth to whine about trans people, remember: the only reason you get to belong to your club is because you said so.
And no, Karen, I don’t need a permission slip from God, the government, or Greg Abbott to know who I am.
And every Republican who froths at the mouth about “you can’t just say you are something” has no problem slapping a big red R by their name and calling it a day?
Let’s take a slow, sarcastic stroll through this flaming hypocrisy carnival, shall we?
Exhibit A: Christianity.
There’s no DNA test for Jesus. There’s no baptism chromosome. If I drag you to a lab, you can’t piss on a stick and have it come out “positive for Christ.” Your whole “identity” as a Christian is built on self-declaration. You said the magic words, dunked yourself in some lukewarm water, and boom — new species unlocked: Child of God™.
But apparently, when I say “hey, actually, I’m a woman,” suddenly we need SCIENCE. Suddenly there must be blood tests, bone measurements, and an academic panel of Oxford professors in lab coats stamping my gender like a fucking passport. But when you call yourself “washed in the blood of the Lamb” nobody makes you produce a single fluid sample, do they, Karen?
Exhibit B: Republicans.
Again: no objective metric. It’s not like the hospital slaps a sticker on your ass at birth that says “Future Tax Cuts For The Rich Voter.” You decide you’re a Republican. You self-ID. You tick the little box on the ballot and now you’re part of the club.
And then you go online and scream, “You can’t just identify as something you’re not!” Bitch, your entire political party is made up of people identifying as elephants because it makes them feel big and strong, when in reality you’re just an angry raccoon in a red tie.
And don’t even get me started on the number of them who “identify” as pro-life while also identifying as divorced, adulterous, porn-watching hypocrites. Your identity is built on cosplay and vibes.
Here’s the kicker: self-identification is literally the foundation of human society. Religion? Self-ID. Politics? Self-ID. Nationality? Self-ID. Hell, even sports teams — you identify with Manchester United. You’re not genetically bonded to the football, Brian.
But the second trans people do it? Oh no, suddenly it’s the end of civilization. Suddenly it’s chaos, apocalypse, dogs and cats living together. Somehow it’s fine when you say “I’m a Christian” even though nobody checked your blood type for Jesus antibodies, but I can’t say “I’m a woman” without some smug bastard wanting to inspect my chromosomes like they’re fucking Pokémon cards.
So let’s call it what it is: hypocrisy on stilts. The Christian who says “you can’t just identify as something you’re not” is literally identifying as a Christian without proof. The Republican who says “facts don’t care about your feelings” is literally a feelings-based self-identifier for a political tribe.
If self-identification isn’t real, then neither is your religion, your politics, or your patriotism. And maybe next time you open your mouth to whine about trans people, remember: the only reason you get to belong to your club is because you said so.
And no, Karen, I don’t need a permission slip from God, the government, or Greg Abbott to know who I am.
And mind you, they undermine their own point when they do this. Because technically, yeah, "race" isn't a real biological thing either. It's entirely made up. "White people" and "black people" didn't exist until, like, the 1700's or something? But that social construct has had very real affects on people.
Point is, they're hypocrites. And some of them know it and just play dumb when it suits them.