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Years gone by...
3 months ago
General
And I've yet shown any improvement, let alone did anything significant.
I've just stopped drawing, doesn't even feel like people care, I shouldn't let this bother me, yet part of me does.
When I joined DA/FA, I saw a fun place where people shared their art/kink and I could happily be in some part of it. I wasn't the best, or do I think I will ever be, but, the fact there was many who shared my interests as well made me felt welcomed.
I gave gifts, attempted to draw on my own, and participated in a small contest. At the time, it felt really good. Just chatting with others despite my hermit nature or have some fun via sharing a note. despite how awkward I can be (and still am)
but now nearly a decade later. people I knew of on this site and others have either left, passed away or so on, I seem to struggle more to speak to anyone, let alone carry a conversation. Notes that fill my inbox now (or in the chat) are of scams and rampant bots with multiple accounts, the fact I somehow have people who for some reason or another just wants to keep causing trouble (it's been nearly ten years dude... let it go.)
I just... feel tired... and this time it genuinely feels different as opposed to the other times when I've felt down. thanks to stuff that still outside of my control, and though there's still people fighting in defiance in their own ways... it seems as if it's just speaking to a void.
to think, with places like DA least when starting out, I got to a point I felt comfortable to show who I be through my furry self and my OC's. never expected to be a "Celebrity" but it felt neat to be known. Yet I've haven't even managed to feel comfortable on my own journey. like in some aspect I've failed
I don't want to give up, I don't want to end things. I don't want to stop..
but what can I do when I feel am absolutely lying to myself when I say that it'll be fine?
I've just stopped drawing, doesn't even feel like people care, I shouldn't let this bother me, yet part of me does.
When I joined DA/FA, I saw a fun place where people shared their art/kink and I could happily be in some part of it. I wasn't the best, or do I think I will ever be, but, the fact there was many who shared my interests as well made me felt welcomed.
I gave gifts, attempted to draw on my own, and participated in a small contest. At the time, it felt really good. Just chatting with others despite my hermit nature or have some fun via sharing a note. despite how awkward I can be (and still am)
but now nearly a decade later. people I knew of on this site and others have either left, passed away or so on, I seem to struggle more to speak to anyone, let alone carry a conversation. Notes that fill my inbox now (or in the chat) are of scams and rampant bots with multiple accounts, the fact I somehow have people who for some reason or another just wants to keep causing trouble (it's been nearly ten years dude... let it go.)
I just... feel tired... and this time it genuinely feels different as opposed to the other times when I've felt down. thanks to stuff that still outside of my control, and though there's still people fighting in defiance in their own ways... it seems as if it's just speaking to a void.
to think, with places like DA least when starting out, I got to a point I felt comfortable to show who I be through my furry self and my OC's. never expected to be a "Celebrity" but it felt neat to be known. Yet I've haven't even managed to feel comfortable on my own journey. like in some aspect I've failed
I don't want to give up, I don't want to end things. I don't want to stop..
but what can I do when I feel am absolutely lying to myself when I say that it'll be fine?
Just keep doing what you can do and try enjoy what you have. Everything you have can be lost in a moment, so enjoy it. Lying to yourself is not a problem, if you’ll believe it, it might just happen. Just say to yourself “yeah it’s all fuked, but I and and will be fine somehow, I have no other choice”. Our mind can do marvelous things. Yeah don’t need to expect things like Aliens coming to save you, that’s a bit too much xP
Either way, just, feel good? It’s that simple. Do whatever you like. Life is too short, just concentrate on its good things. Whining, being depressed, apathetic etc isn’t helping anyone; well at times it might be needed to help you understand real value of good things you have, but don’t let yourself being dragged into it.
I feel alone quite a bit, but then I turn to what friends I do speak to on discord or where ever else, and I feel a bit better. I know we haven't talked, but I do find your gallery wonderful, and you have inspired me in a way. I hope what ever you are feeling right now is temporary, and you come back, because I'd like to see your art work :)