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Rant/emotional release
2 months ago
I know I don't write many of these (in fact last one was back in 2023) but i've been going through a lot lately and need some sort of cathartic release;
it boils down to this basically, feeling like my soul and heart are being torn asunder as an individual whom i care for deeply, and probably always will. does not return the feelings (we were never in an actual relationship aside from friends), I have accepted this and wish them no ill will, however the result of knowing them for so long and developing the connection that I feel to them has been tearing me up inside as I try to let them go, to the point where things I have said to them have come out wrong, and done unintentional harm, im hurting a lot as I try to move past this, because It feels like im ripping out a part of me, a part of me I can't live without, even though I know it's better for me to move past, but I keep falling back, not wanting to lose them, I know it's likely irrational but I still can't seem to break down the walls of the past and build anew, I want to but the pain of doing so seems too much to bare, I need help I need an outlet, and friends who understand this, these are the times I wish I could find fellow furs close to me that are open to such feelings and be able to build a partnership, a relationship with them, but I seem to be getting too old, and all those paths are closing up, I hate being alone, and want to move into the future, and experience true companionship.
it boils down to this basically, feeling like my soul and heart are being torn asunder as an individual whom i care for deeply, and probably always will. does not return the feelings (we were never in an actual relationship aside from friends), I have accepted this and wish them no ill will, however the result of knowing them for so long and developing the connection that I feel to them has been tearing me up inside as I try to let them go, to the point where things I have said to them have come out wrong, and done unintentional harm, im hurting a lot as I try to move past this, because It feels like im ripping out a part of me, a part of me I can't live without, even though I know it's better for me to move past, but I keep falling back, not wanting to lose them, I know it's likely irrational but I still can't seem to break down the walls of the past and build anew, I want to but the pain of doing so seems too much to bare, I need help I need an outlet, and friends who understand this, these are the times I wish I could find fellow furs close to me that are open to such feelings and be able to build a partnership, a relationship with them, but I seem to be getting too old, and all those paths are closing up, I hate being alone, and want to move into the future, and experience true companionship.
To you I'd say, if you value your friendship with this person, please distance yourself and let this emotional pain scab over. Right now it's raw and conflicting and you are likely to torpedo even basic friendship if you keep trying to interact with them and bleed your emotions out all over each time you do.
It doesn't get better but pain eventually subsides and the emotions go numb, like nerve endings that die when a burn is healed. Letting it heal is the key thing here though-don't go constantly re-opening the wound.