LL i've even really wanted is to have someone have me in their arms and listen to me... to talk back and let me listen... i closed myself for 3 years after my last relationship so i didn't get hurt again like i did... i ended up just clinging to frivoulous vices... nothing was satysfing and nothing helped me.. I open myself up again to someone... hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe i'd be able to have someone again.. to listen and to be there, sadly i was mistaken... i'm not sure if i should be greatful that i've been given the oppotunity to open up... or be mad at myself for putting me in that situation...

I realized now why I turn to religion... all i want is blind faith in something that i know will be there for me.... and it turns out.. you can't put it in people... everyone in the end with just dissappoint you ... that's why it's easier to believe and defend in a book and a God no one can see... because even if it's real or not.. you can't prove or deny it... and there is my blind faith...

I'm not gonna say i'll never have someone to hold me or love me or just be there when i need them or they need me... but i will say that if I am supposed to have someone.. why can't i just be with that person now and not have to go thru all of this...is this my karmic slap in the face for trying to find love in other things .... why do i always end up with the stray bullet... in the end the voices win tho.. and i end up hurting myself anyway.