I always like your work you do.

And I respect your decision.

thank you for the reply

I might not comment on your comics, or I might not favourite every single one of them but I enjoy them.

I have a lot of respect for the effort you put into them. I can also understand the frustration of wanting to design a fleshed out character only for people to ignore the work you put into them to just see the fetish aspects of their characters, I understand that because my characters are designed in a similar way.

Ultimately, just try to do what brings you the most joy.

its hard to say what brings me joy these days

Fair enough.

I've kind of paid attention the last couple of months, I won't lie.

I remember years ago how upset you felt about me wanting to take my art offline and me being all flip-floppy, as if I owed the internet my art. And I thought that was really ridiculous of you, but I'm using that as an example to get to something deeper and far more important.

My personal self-validation was far more important than what you thought about my art, or felt, because my art was always for me alone, and I was struggling to figure out my healthy relationship with the kink community after tumbling into and contributing towards obsessive relationships with kinks and community.


I see you struggling like this now, and what I would like to suggest to you is this:

Your personal sense of validation will always be the most important thing. You grow it in privacy in finding the joy for your own ideas, for your own expressions...for yourself.

Your personal sense of security regarding this self-validating attitude? That is built up by the amount of careful attention you invest in the personal relationships that do end up gravitating around the things you say and do rather than your ideas. It's up to you to pay attention to those who notice your ideas and find ways to build relationships.

And that security is NEVER built- I HAVE FOUND...in a number count. It's only found in choosing to communicate sincerely and engage with those who offer you the opportunity to reciprocate.

A break won't fix this, indeed. A gradual change and shift in perspective might. I've seen people give you comments and respond to your journals struggling with this...If their comments and support can't help you? What will?

I don't know, but I perhaps think you could benefit from focusing some more positive attention on what you do receive and asking yourself if you are appreciating it..and if it's actually what you want.

Maybe you don't want to be doing this, and that's okay to change...Maybe you do need to think like that in order to take a "health break" and reconfigure the way you seek validation? Because when I read your journals about your artistic struggle and how much work you've put in, what I feel from your words is that you're frustrated that others don't love your work as much as you.

Nobody will ever love it as much as you....Which is why you have to pay attention so closely to anybody who gives you any signal that they do, and you...investigate and grow that bond, really.

That's what's worked for me, to help me stop always requiring attention from others. The path of long-form comic you've chosen is a hard one, and it's not as easy for some audiences to eat and enjoy. That's a challenge for you to put your love for your own work forward as an invitation to others who signal that they like your work. And that invitation should say something along the lines of:

"You noticed how awesome this is, too? Hell yeah...we're goin' places together. I'll take you along the ride for as long as you want, and be thankful you were ever even alongside my journey of expression." And maybe that's only a performance sometimes, but maybe it's also always a true feeling, too.

Do what you want to with your art and life. Nobody else cares.

Love the people who do care. And take care, Carner. Hope you find your love with your art with others.

sorry for the short reply after you said all that but I think the only way I can respond to this is

"fuck, you understand this more then what I do and I'm the one going through this right now"

honestly I don't know how I feel, I do feel like I just failed and it can't be fixed whether thats true or just a mindset thing is hard to say on my end

you do understand this better then what I do and I'm happy you messaged me

I'm glad I could help you feel understood and hopefully offer you some more clarity on it. Most creatives go through this dilemma at some point in their life whenever they expose themselves to a community.

I've found I don't particularly enjoy talking with people who enjoy my art, when it comes to talking about my art and its kink themes. I've had to work with myself and understand I can't force myself to enjoy engaging with others in a way I felt like "was the most fun and accessible". It wasn't for me, being kinky and loose and silly in the way I thought others liked and saw.

If you feel like you're committing to gain access to some realm outside of you, like a "community" to belong to, then I would suggest that's also another stage of growth, a trap for the creative soul. A very useful way of thinking, but a trap of self-sabotage ultimately because it's also a form of external validation.

This stuff truly has to be for you, and you gotta pay attention to what you like about doing it, and how you've actually loved being interacted with it...and just keep investing in that each time you notice, like you're grinding EXP on your Self-Awareness skill. And each time you grind that EXP you're also building an internal understanding of who you are and how you like to be and with who. A never ending autobiography that's just for you to hold and maybe express.

Each time I notice one of my friends loving something I do or that we've done together(like in roleplays), because I'm a beautiful narcissist who always sees MY LOVE FIRST.... I use it as a frame of reference. "Oh, you loved that too!?" And I think to myself and feel great anticipation: "...Do they like it like me? I know how I like it, let's see where they are in relationship to me on this topic."

I simply ask them what they mean, if it sounds like there's more that they want to share. Whatever love and words they've offered me about what we're talking about? (Doesn't have to be my art, can be anything) I then look at is as a "brand new discovery" as much as I can...And because I'm a narcissist...I'm gonna STEAL THEIR LOVE for the thing I already love. And the only way to do that is to understand what they really mean and search for it as an addition to my love. Rather than using my own love as a goalpost in hopes of being understood.

If I understand their love? Then the feelings of trust and love found in that understanding and thorough communication will imbue me with the faith to believe: They also understand me, and we are now closer.

And sometimes I find out that a person doesn't like something the same way as me at all, and maybe even likes things in a way I find off-putting....And I still try to integrate as much of that love into my love as I'm able to without betraying myself, because...I asked for it, y'know. I should take a responsibility to accept their sentiments.

And sometimes getting to conversations like that is really, really difficult, which is why you have to really pay attention to the folks who do give you the signals that they care about what you're doing, even if you don't understand or believe they care about it like you do. It's your responsibility to find the joy and love in the magic of interaction between two people.


And you can make comics...That's crazy difficult, I can't even commit to it like I want to, I'm too distracted. I think if you put the thought and effort into it, you could prove you can navigate a conversation and pay attention to others. You don't have to drown in your frustration, you can manage your reasons for why you love things and find ways to share and connect it with others, while connecting to their reasons and loves.

Take care

I appreciate what you said, the reply may be small on my part but I do feel like you understand this better then what I do and it is helping, thank you for caring enough I don't think I've seen anyone express what it's like to me better then how I am processing it on my own.

Thank you for caring ^^