I'm having an issue with myself. I feel like I've boned myself over from having a good time. Ever.

I cannot, in any memory, recall every being attracted to a male ever since I was mature enough to understand the meaning of "being attracted to someone" and all the things that go with it. Yes, I'm still bashful around boys, but that mainly has to do with my horrible experiences in middle school and high school and I convinced myself no one could ever be attracted to me, much less good-looking guys, but that was just me being harsh on myself, and I've come to realize I'm much better-looking than I gave myself credit for (mainly cuz I've learned how to look better since high school). A guy looking at me and saying "you're hot" is very flattering, and in response I will blush. It happened to me at Jacon.

At Megacon early last year, I was asked out by three different guys. Now, I do admit I would never have accepted the first invitation, as it had "date rape" written all over it, but to this day I think, "What if I had accepted one of those advances? What am I missing?" Not that I have ever felt remorseful about my sexual orientation, it's nothing I can help. I am attracted to women and it's all I've ever felt myself as. But by declining all these gusy that ask me, it eventually had me wondering "What is it I'm declining exactly?" I'm cutting out a lot of experiences in my life by not going on dates, and since I can't seem to find a date with a vagina attached to it, I'm basically living a dateless life.

So what if I went on a date with a guy? It would seem harmless enough, and I'd be having fun by being with someone for a night, regardless of gender or orientation, and in the end, isn't that what happiness is about? And I'm not at all concerned about ever slipping into a serious relationship with anyone I'm not attracted to, so I think it'd be okay to go on a date with a guy for once.

But this is the part that concers me: Even though I'm on a date with a man, I'll never have any desire for him, but regardless of what I think, this guy could end up having feelings for me, and I'm just using him for a good time. Is that not in bad taste? It seems completely unfair to the poor guy, and I certainly don't wanna hurt his feelings by saying "I'm having a great time. Btw, I'm a fruitloop, so don't bank on me ever liking you back. Oh, you bought me cotton candy? How sweet of you! No, don't hold my hand." I could never in good conscience date a guy knowing I could never be attracted to him. It's unfair to him.

So what do I do? I want to go on dates, I want to feel better about myself, but I'm scared of hurting anyone. What do I do?