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Suk Up
18 years ago
General
Hello all you happy people in internet-land.
Hello all you not-happy people in internet-land.
Hello all you numb people in internet-land.
Hello everyone else.
There's a bit of a brain gnawer that I get from time to time, especially after I've done a bunch of pics, and I struggled a bit more with it this evening and thought I'd make a journal about it since - well, journals are for espousing ideas/questions/rants/whining/brain-food.
Anyone who is familiar with my gallery at all can see that I do a lot of fanart and giftart. Most of it is for people that I don't know personally, but have seen around and (for whatever reason) felt compelled to draw.
Many of these people, Such as SkyShadow, Agro, and Kaa (naming only a few) are artists that I repect and admire, and I want to give back some of that respect in the form of giftart/fanart.
These artists also tend to get a lot of my attention and praise via the comment box (naturally, because I admire them).
The quasi-hypothetical question that I was wrestling with was the thought that maybe I'm just being a suck-up.
Now, it's no unusual thing for anyone to shower their mentors (real or imagined) with praise and adoration, and perhaps that's what I'm doing. Clinging desperatly onto the tails of those I feel are successful and respectable, perhaps in the subconscious-but-yet-vain hope that maybe some of that talent will pour back down upon me.
I realize that you, the fans, probubly don't give too much thought to this, since my fancy for giftart regularly provides all of you with yet more yummy art to oogle. But that dratted little brain-gnawer is slippery and I wonder what the recipiants of my assiduity think of it.
I hope that they recognize that my intentions are altogether altruistic and that I'm not trying to suck up to anyone. Yet, maybe the shadow of insecurity is helping feed these mental gremlins.
While I'm on the subject of insecurity, I might as well mention another 'gremlin' that I kick around sometimes.
Forgive me if I seem like I'm whining, and I'm not blaming anyone or pointing fingers. I'm just "presenting my thoughts" as journals are purposed to do.
There are times when I see other artists trading artwork back and forth with one another when I feel a little pang of envy.
It's the old, "Why them and not me?" lament.
I'm not going to throw a huge emo trip over such things - I'd at least like the think that I'm wise enough now to understand that those kind of things aren't something that I can simply 'will' myself to have, nor are they given away by lamenting their absence.
They're spontaneous and generous.
I reckognize the feeling as totally selfish, and I well understand that it does me no good to either yearn for it, or feel envious, but emotions aren't something that can be 'turned off'. We can't control how we feel - only how we react.
I'm just ranting now, but hopefully you guys can understand at least a little of what I'm trying to say.
I'll still be doing fanart for people, but if I start to become a suck-up, please let me know.
D.O.P.R
Hello all you not-happy people in internet-land.
Hello all you numb people in internet-land.
Hello everyone else.
There's a bit of a brain gnawer that I get from time to time, especially after I've done a bunch of pics, and I struggled a bit more with it this evening and thought I'd make a journal about it since - well, journals are for espousing ideas/questions/rants/whining/brain-food.
Anyone who is familiar with my gallery at all can see that I do a lot of fanart and giftart. Most of it is for people that I don't know personally, but have seen around and (for whatever reason) felt compelled to draw.
Many of these people, Such as SkyShadow, Agro, and Kaa (naming only a few) are artists that I repect and admire, and I want to give back some of that respect in the form of giftart/fanart.
These artists also tend to get a lot of my attention and praise via the comment box (naturally, because I admire them).
The quasi-hypothetical question that I was wrestling with was the thought that maybe I'm just being a suck-up.
Now, it's no unusual thing for anyone to shower their mentors (real or imagined) with praise and adoration, and perhaps that's what I'm doing. Clinging desperatly onto the tails of those I feel are successful and respectable, perhaps in the subconscious-but-yet-vain hope that maybe some of that talent will pour back down upon me.
I realize that you, the fans, probubly don't give too much thought to this, since my fancy for giftart regularly provides all of you with yet more yummy art to oogle. But that dratted little brain-gnawer is slippery and I wonder what the recipiants of my assiduity think of it.
I hope that they recognize that my intentions are altogether altruistic and that I'm not trying to suck up to anyone. Yet, maybe the shadow of insecurity is helping feed these mental gremlins.
While I'm on the subject of insecurity, I might as well mention another 'gremlin' that I kick around sometimes.
Forgive me if I seem like I'm whining, and I'm not blaming anyone or pointing fingers. I'm just "presenting my thoughts" as journals are purposed to do.
There are times when I see other artists trading artwork back and forth with one another when I feel a little pang of envy.
It's the old, "Why them and not me?" lament.
I'm not going to throw a huge emo trip over such things - I'd at least like the think that I'm wise enough now to understand that those kind of things aren't something that I can simply 'will' myself to have, nor are they given away by lamenting their absence.
They're spontaneous and generous.
I reckognize the feeling as totally selfish, and I well understand that it does me no good to either yearn for it, or feel envious, but emotions aren't something that can be 'turned off'. We can't control how we feel - only how we react.
I'm just ranting now, but hopefully you guys can understand at least a little of what I'm trying to say.
I'll still be doing fanart for people, but if I start to become a suck-up, please let me know.
D.O.P.R
All those letters and you managed to say absolutly nothing. Lamenting about your emotions, only to rebuke them.
This penchant for overemotionalism is what's killing our species and dooming all others. I remember clearly when you told me to "deal" with my "problems".
Well perhaps you should rethink your authority to give such advice. It seems that you have plenty of "problems" yourself to deal with.
RPOD
-Z
How hypocritical it is that honesty is so valued, yet so seldom displayed.
RPOD
RPOD
D.O.P.R
Anyway, I don't see it as sucking up. You have a respect for them and yearn to be noticed for them, even make something in honor of them.
Take me for example. I can't draw, but I can write. Why do I write? Well, first of all, it's fun to see my ideas take form in one way or another. Secondly, it's because I want to show everyone that I can actually do something and am not just a random watcher.
Sure I may do a request here and there, one time I took an entire year to write a story for a guy that I never heard of and never heard from since.
And yet, I still pat myself on the back for doing that story, because it was liked and I got a sense of accomplishment.
As long as you enjoy what you do, that's what matters.
As for being a suck-up, I guess it natural to want some attention. I know I do but I don't want to be a brown noser. What I really need is some encouragement. The more encouragement I get, the more rt I do, and the better I get (hopefully). I have a serious lack of motivation that I sometime go through. The feeling of being ignored and wasting one's time can be hard to deal at times. We just have to fight through it.
If I get the urge to draw something belonging to somebody that happens to not be getting much attention, I'm more inclined to try it and share it. Making connections with people not already saturated obviously makes it more likely they'll do giftart in return. I would only start with something quick, so nobody feels obligated. If the exchanging continues, both will benefit mutually, and it gets the attention of those who secretly envy such things.
Concidering my own artistic level and social standing, I know what it's like to get a spontaneous gift and I'm glad to be able to spread that feeling to others. That's all the more important to me now that I've started to (seemingly) gain my own small level of popularity.
But you're right, nagging self-doubt is a hard beast to conquer, and it's still irksome at times being passed over by my 'mentors' for art.
D.O.P.R
About trades and stuff, I don't think I'd like to do a trade with someone a whole lot better than myself, trading crap for gold is a little unfair and the pressure to do something really good takes the fun out of it. I figure the reason why I'm often on the outside looking in even with artists I'd be comfortable trading with is just because I'm pretty bad at interacting with people I don't know well. It doesn't get to me much just because I've got few other things that I am pretty good at to distract me. If something bothers me the best thing I can do is just do something completely different for a while until I'm ready to come back.
I often refrain to bother contacting admirable artists, since I don't really have much to say anyway. But still, at least you and I aren't like the obsessive teenagers who have little consideration for others' 'personal space'.
And also, are you going to block this depressing little 'twin' of yours? He doesn't seem to have anything even reasonable to say in your journals.
I really didn't have anything to say beyond "hi...I like your art" and ended it with, basicly, a request for him to be my friend.
His reply was very courteous and friendly, but he reminded me (as I already knew) that friendship was "earned, not given".
I felt like quite a fool and couldn't gather the courage to email him again.
As for RPOD - he's mostly harmless.
He's primarily interested in 'converting' me to his line of thinking.
My advice is to simply ignore him. Most likely he'll continue to be a recurring character around me, spouting his drivel to anyone who provides him with any undue attention.
D.O.P.R
A prophet is always despised within his own contry, though this little band of cartoonist is far from 'my people'.
RPOD