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Now it's sticky
18 years ago
General
True to what I said in IM, I got up 30 minutes after I laid down. I just can't sleep, don't know what the problem is. Actually, yes, I know what the problem is, there's a bottle of Klonopin unused in the cupboard in the bathroom, that's what the problem is. I fair better off sexually if I skip my Risperdol and Klonopin, but I just can't fuggin' sleep! I'm sore, my body needs rest, but I'm afraid to take a Klonopin because I'll sleep until 12:00 in the afternoon and mom will bitch.
Dad says Saturday might work. Yay! A chance to have a mate! Joy! Gods, we must have talked for two hours on that phone. I looked at my watch and lied to the guy and said it had only been one hour, just because I wanted to stay on longer. He's definitely a talker par Joe's words. He's so cute and adorable I just want to grab him up and snuggle him into my mane for a while.
Damn smoke alarm is chirping again at almost 2 o'clock in the morning. Man, I hate these new smoke alarms. The batteries are so hard to change. It's not like the old ones where it had the two wires and the blue thing with the clips on it for the 9V battery, you have to put the battery in there, close the compartment, twist the smoke detector into position and it goes off right in your face to test. I hate it. I'm deaf from the last one I changed.
In other news, Mom was saying a package got sent to MSNBC from that killer at Virginia Tech. If those kind of people exist in the world that creeps me out. It's bad enough my mother is a psychopath.
La la l-la genocide
La la l-la mass genocide
Don't stop the frying 'till everyone is dying
La la l-la la la...la...LA!
Don't let your parents hear you singing that, kiddies!
*Sigh* This guy I'm meeting concerns me. He went to bed 15 minutes after he said he was signing off, plus he was totally unresponsive most of the day. I'm really suspicious. But...
I can't help it. I'm starting to love him despite the warning signs. I'm doing it again. I hope one day he'll realize this and understand my fears. I want to be close to him, but he talks about sex a lot. To tell anyone the truth, I'm a snuggly person, I don't do sex that much. I have been forcing myself to yiff lately and it's really starting to get to me.
Still, the meeting is Saturday, and we'll see how it goes from a Real Life perspective. On the internet, I doubt I'm going to make much headway. If I go to that park and we end up making out and I fall for him for sure, that's how it's gonna go. But I'm telling you this: He's an orca. I'm not into orcas. I yiff him because I care for him AS A REALISTIC HUMAN BEING and that's the bottom line. He wants to do shit with other orcas online, that's his prerogative. I know what I observed with the camera FPS. He lied about saying he didn't condone those extra people viewing it, because today I set my modem and video capture card up so that the coaxial signal went through as a webcam and had three people try to access it. It prompts you EVERY TIME. Damage control my tooshie. He might have clicked that one by mistake, but I think he was a little trigger happy with his mouse button.
Or his keyboard...
Either way, I have come to the conclusion that it has reached the point where no more headway can be made online. I have to see him in person, and if it develops, it develops, orca or not. I'm a good person, I've been through these types of relationships before, and so far the internet side isn't looking good.
He was also invisible and blocked me. Both at the same time. He gave me the excuse that his Yahoo was preforming an update and that it was showing him as online on the server but nobody could talk to him. To test this, I created a separate account and sent him an invite. He never got it. Perhaps that was legitimate?
I need counseling. I think I may be paying too much attention, but maybe that's a good thing. I'm telling you this, my heart will not be won over until he proves to me that he can be honest. If he really wants me, he will be honest, and from when he sees this journal entry, he will be honest. I am interested in him, yes, as a PERSON, which is really how it should be.
To a typical baseline furry, a fursona is a sexual kink. They may base it off of their personality, but they don't take it seriously. You dive deeper into the fandom, and you find furs that have roots with their fursonas. Devon...was a baseline furry. He spent every wasted night in his dorm room or over at his "mate"'s place yiffing in every channel that interested him.
There are exceptions to baseline furs. Some are good natured people. These people are baseline at first but usually end up turning therian/were, which bases the species selection more on spirituality. I am so close to this point, you have no idea. I'm sick of the drama, sick of the pain it causes, sick of the jealousy. I miss Shadow_D_Wolf. He had a point. I should have listened.
If you want to bitch, bitch all you want, you'll just get banned for flaming. This is my opinion. Furry is my life, but sex isn't, and the two seem to go paw-in-paw. Please for my safety, and the safety of the fandom, correct me if I'm wrong, but is this some beastiality fetish, or is that just a percentile of the fandom? Are you for real when you say you are a wolf or a fox or a tiger? Or do you just like tigers because they have barbs and look hot in skin tight shorts? What do you mean when you say "I am a furry."? Do you mean you sit up until 4 o'clock in the morning yiffing in a transformation chatroom? Or do you mean you have dreams about your creature, have seen your spirit form in times of desperation, and have lived and breathed hoping one day you will be reincarnated as one. I do. I have, and I don't belong on the baseline.
Maybe Mom was right. It's the definition of furry baseline she was looking at.
There is so much more...
So much more...
and I've been missing it all these years.
Took me this long to figure it out...
I'm a therian.
Thanks Shadow. :) Wherever you are, you just got a big hug from a white wuff.
God I am so going to get flamed for this.
Dad says Saturday might work. Yay! A chance to have a mate! Joy! Gods, we must have talked for two hours on that phone. I looked at my watch and lied to the guy and said it had only been one hour, just because I wanted to stay on longer. He's definitely a talker par Joe's words. He's so cute and adorable I just want to grab him up and snuggle him into my mane for a while.
Damn smoke alarm is chirping again at almost 2 o'clock in the morning. Man, I hate these new smoke alarms. The batteries are so hard to change. It's not like the old ones where it had the two wires and the blue thing with the clips on it for the 9V battery, you have to put the battery in there, close the compartment, twist the smoke detector into position and it goes off right in your face to test. I hate it. I'm deaf from the last one I changed.
In other news, Mom was saying a package got sent to MSNBC from that killer at Virginia Tech. If those kind of people exist in the world that creeps me out. It's bad enough my mother is a psychopath.
La la l-la genocide
La la l-la mass genocide
Don't stop the frying 'till everyone is dying
La la l-la la la...la...LA!
Don't let your parents hear you singing that, kiddies!
*Sigh* This guy I'm meeting concerns me. He went to bed 15 minutes after he said he was signing off, plus he was totally unresponsive most of the day. I'm really suspicious. But...
I can't help it. I'm starting to love him despite the warning signs. I'm doing it again. I hope one day he'll realize this and understand my fears. I want to be close to him, but he talks about sex a lot. To tell anyone the truth, I'm a snuggly person, I don't do sex that much. I have been forcing myself to yiff lately and it's really starting to get to me.
Still, the meeting is Saturday, and we'll see how it goes from a Real Life perspective. On the internet, I doubt I'm going to make much headway. If I go to that park and we end up making out and I fall for him for sure, that's how it's gonna go. But I'm telling you this: He's an orca. I'm not into orcas. I yiff him because I care for him AS A REALISTIC HUMAN BEING and that's the bottom line. He wants to do shit with other orcas online, that's his prerogative. I know what I observed with the camera FPS. He lied about saying he didn't condone those extra people viewing it, because today I set my modem and video capture card up so that the coaxial signal went through as a webcam and had three people try to access it. It prompts you EVERY TIME. Damage control my tooshie. He might have clicked that one by mistake, but I think he was a little trigger happy with his mouse button.
Or his keyboard...
Either way, I have come to the conclusion that it has reached the point where no more headway can be made online. I have to see him in person, and if it develops, it develops, orca or not. I'm a good person, I've been through these types of relationships before, and so far the internet side isn't looking good.
He was also invisible and blocked me. Both at the same time. He gave me the excuse that his Yahoo was preforming an update and that it was showing him as online on the server but nobody could talk to him. To test this, I created a separate account and sent him an invite. He never got it. Perhaps that was legitimate?
I need counseling. I think I may be paying too much attention, but maybe that's a good thing. I'm telling you this, my heart will not be won over until he proves to me that he can be honest. If he really wants me, he will be honest, and from when he sees this journal entry, he will be honest. I am interested in him, yes, as a PERSON, which is really how it should be.
To a typical baseline furry, a fursona is a sexual kink. They may base it off of their personality, but they don't take it seriously. You dive deeper into the fandom, and you find furs that have roots with their fursonas. Devon...was a baseline furry. He spent every wasted night in his dorm room or over at his "mate"'s place yiffing in every channel that interested him.
There are exceptions to baseline furs. Some are good natured people. These people are baseline at first but usually end up turning therian/were, which bases the species selection more on spirituality. I am so close to this point, you have no idea. I'm sick of the drama, sick of the pain it causes, sick of the jealousy. I miss Shadow_D_Wolf. He had a point. I should have listened.
If you want to bitch, bitch all you want, you'll just get banned for flaming. This is my opinion. Furry is my life, but sex isn't, and the two seem to go paw-in-paw. Please for my safety, and the safety of the fandom, correct me if I'm wrong, but is this some beastiality fetish, or is that just a percentile of the fandom? Are you for real when you say you are a wolf or a fox or a tiger? Or do you just like tigers because they have barbs and look hot in skin tight shorts? What do you mean when you say "I am a furry."? Do you mean you sit up until 4 o'clock in the morning yiffing in a transformation chatroom? Or do you mean you have dreams about your creature, have seen your spirit form in times of desperation, and have lived and breathed hoping one day you will be reincarnated as one. I do. I have, and I don't belong on the baseline.
Maybe Mom was right. It's the definition of furry baseline she was looking at.
There is so much more...
So much more...
and I've been missing it all these years.
Took me this long to figure it out...
I'm a therian.
Thanks Shadow. :) Wherever you are, you just got a big hug from a white wuff.
God I am so going to get flamed for this.
