Have you ever gone from being a stone, to a lump of jello? Have you ever felt like you have something, then its gone? Thats how I feel right now. Honestly, my heart is several pieces. A friend of mine is laying subtle hints of something that Im having a hard time accepting. I know what I should do, but its hard cause Im already breaking apart over something else thats happening atm. I guess I will never be the same again. This has happened before mind you, so I have been in this spot before, but... This time its different. I don't think I will recover from this one. I always hold a pessimistic exterior, and optimistic interior. All the other times I was in this situation, it was completely one sided. This time its not, and this time I really have put more than I should into the mixing pot.

It's my fault an in no way anyone elses. I put myself in this situation, asked for this to happen. I should have listened to my gut, and not my heart. I have felt a lot of pain in my life, but when I think of whats coming an going to happen, I feel a horrible pounding an burning in my heart and head. Like someone has a sledge and is pounding at me with it. I regret alot in my life, but this time I bit off way more than I could chew.

Thanks for hearing me out.