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How to Crack a Writer's Block Revived
16 years ago
General
Confused about the title huh
Well years ago I wrote a series called 'How to Crack a Writer's Block' which is short stories of jokes and parodies that pop into my mind. I figure for a change of pace, since my past journals have been the down points in my life, that I would post something funny.
So enjoy ^^
(
)
We find APienkoss sitting on a couch at home with his two adopted daughters; Tiffany Gia Diggers-Pienkoss and Aruru Pienkoss. As to how APienkoss have two daughters from the Gold Digger World and Utawarerumono, that is another story…….
Currently the girls were watching their favorite show, while APienkoss was griming with illness.
‘Pokemon, it just had to be the soul-less over used Pokemon………..” APienkoss thought to himself.
He looks at his watch and kisses his daughters on their foreheads and got up from the couch, “Well little ones, I have to go out and look for a job now.”
“Do you have to do Daddy?” Tiffany asked.
“Didn’t you already have a job before?” Aruru asked.
APienkoss sweat drop, “Well……..”
(
)
“Let’s spilt up gang!” Fred said to the gang in front of a factory.
On a rooftop across from the factory, APienkoss aimed his sniper rifle. He pulled the trigger four times; each one was followed by four bodies hitting the ground.
“Raggy!!!”
APienkoss fired his last shot as the sound of a body hitting the ground was heard. He stood and turn towards a guy in a noodle like monster costume.
“That is how you get rid of those meddling kids.” APienkoss said as he took a briefcase full of money from the ground.
“Huh and I was going to scare them away with this Ghost of a Noodle Monster from Outer Space.” The guy said.
APienkoss gives him a flat stare, “You are a moron.”
(
)
“And didn’t you try out for the role in Final Fantasy 12?” Tiffany asked.
APienkoss sweat drop even more, “Uhhhhhhhh…….”
(
)
APienkoss, dressed in Vaan’s outfit, was walking with the gang through a forest.
“Hmmmmmm, a chocolate bunny.” APienkoss said.
“What was that?” Fran asked as she turned to him.
“Well you have dark skin and rabbit ears.” APienkoss explained with a smile, “A chocolate bunny.”
A few minutes later……….
“Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!” APienkoss screamed as he ran from a rain of arrows.
Everyone else was sweat dropping at the scene.
“This doesn’t seem right.” Penelo said.
“Yeah, and I don’t get why he said, ‘Ashe has a fat ass’.” Balthear said in a ponder look.
“What did he say!?” Ashe said with a pissed off look with a blood red aura surrounding her.
A few seconds later…………
“I said Phat Ashe!! APienkoss shouted as he ran from Ashe and Fran, both expressing killer intent, “Phat Ashe!!!!!”
(
)
“Let’s just say those jobs didn’t last to long as I hoped.” APienkoss said with a nervous smile as he walks towards the back door, “Now you father is going to go out and find a job.”
APienkoss looks back at them and smiles at them.
“I’ll find a job in a snap.”
(
)
At the Pokemon Center………
“Can you heal my Bulbsaur?”
“How about my Pikachu?”
APienkoss left eye twitched as a vein started to appear on his forehead. He stood behind the counter as different Trainers asked him for different task.
‘Why did I ever take this job……..’ APienkoss thought to himself, ‘At least it can’t get any worse…….’
Suddenly a young boy rushed into the Center, “Guess what, they discovered 1000 more Pokemon!!!”
A second later, viewing the planet from outer space, the planet exploded into bits. Floating in the center of the destruction, APienkoss was breathing heavily as veins were seen on his forehead. He suddenly shook his head clear as he looked around the scene.
“Does this mean I don’t get my pay check?” APienkoss said with sweat drop.
At Central…………….
APienkoss, dressed up in a State Alchemist uniform, hid in the closet of Roy Mustang with Edward Elric.
“Are you sure this will work?” Ed asked in a whisper.
“Trust me.” APienkoss said with a smirk and whisper.
They peeked through the slits of the door to see Roy and Riza working.
APienkoss cleared his throat and spoke in Riza’s voice, “Roy Mustang is dead sexy in a mini-skirt.”
Roy Mustang looked up at Riza with a confuse look, “What was that Hawkeye?”
“I didn’t say anything Sir.” Riza said.
APienkoss and Ed were trying hard to hold in their laughter as APienkoss cleared his throat again.
“I’d like to tap that sexy tight ass of yours Riza.” APienkoss said in Roy’s voice.
Roy had a shiver of fear as he looked up to see a Riza with a blood red aura around her as she pulls out her guns. Ed and APienkoss were laughing their butts off as they watched the one sided battle. They stopped laughing when the doors open to reveal a beaten, shot and uniform in tatters Roy with a very pissed off look on his face. Ed and APienkoss were sweating as they were caught.
“Pienkoss.” Roy said with a low growl.
“Y-yes sir?” APienkoss said in a worry toned of voice.
Mustang lifted one of his gloved hands, “You’re fired.”
Outside of Central, an explosion was heard as something was shot through the roof with a scream.
Castlevania………..
“Man, Dracula doesn’t pay me enough to clean this place up.” APienkoss mumbled to himself and growled as a Bloody Zombie walked by, “Hey I just cleaned that spot!!!!!”
APienkoss growled as he started to clean up the blood spots. He reaches into a room and sees a floating purple crystal.
“This looks familiar…….”
He lightly taps it and suddenly finds himself incased in a glowing purple coffin. APienkoss blinked his eyes as he found himself in a bed room.
“What the heck?”
He gulped as he felt a pair of arm wrapped around him and a lick on his neck.
“Welcome to my ‘parlor of love’ darkling.” Succubus said with a lustful tone of voice.
Outside, the purple coffin started to bounce around franticly, “Get me out of here!!!!!”
Midgar, 7th Heaven Bar…………
“This job should be easy.” APienkoss said as he stood behind the bar counter, “Although I wonder what is taking Tifa and the others so long from the mission.”
He suddenly heard a noise coming from above. He looks up and eeps as he saw the roof come crashing down on him. A few hours later, APienkoss pulls himself out of the rubble of the destroyed Sector.
“Well……” APienkoss said as he started to pick the rubble out of his hair, “That job fell apart and came crashing down on me…….”
At the View…………
“I am God, whatever I say I am right!” Rose O’Donald said, “I am full of hot air and ego is coming out of my butt!”
All of the women started to chat mindlessly and over dramatizing about anything. APienkoss sat there with a bored look as he sighs.
“Anybody want a dead goat?”
He tossed a dead goat on the ground and the women jumped onto it, tearing it up in a bloody mess.
“I’m out of here.” APienkoss said as he stood up and started to walk away, “This just proves that they have no souls.”
(
)
It was late in the evening; Tiffany and Aruru were asleep in their beds as APienkoss was writing in his notebook in his bedroom.
“Well I have tried every single job out there and nothing has worked.”
He suddenly hears his cell-phone ring and he answers it.
“Hello? Yes this is him. Yes? Really? Thank you so much!”
The next night……
A car pulls up to a house. APienkoss, dressed in a dark blue button shirt and black pants, steps up with a bag holding a delivery order. He walks up to the front doors and knocks on the door.
“Roma’s Pizza and Pasta Delivery Service.” APienkoss calls out, “One order of Calzone, Pasta Trio and a Greek Salad!”
“Come in!”
APienkoss opens the door and walks inside. He walks into the living room and places the bag on the table.
“The order comes to 20.17.” APienkoss calls out, looking around for the owner.
“How about a big ‘tip’?” A female voice said.
He turns around and blushes hard as he sees Hevn, from Get Backers, standing their in a lingerie that shows off everything.
“I think I’ll move on to the ‘desert’.” Hevn said as she licked her lips and sway walk her way towards him.
“Wha……Wha…….Wha…….Wha……..Wha…..” APienkoss stuttered as he walked backwards.
Hevn leap towards him, locking her lips onto his and making him fall backwards on the couch.
A few hours later, at Roma’s Pizza and Pasta, the doors chime open as a middle ages Mexican woman looks up with a smile.
“So you got a tip?” She asked.
APienkoss stood there, with many lip stick marks on his face, wobbling legs, his shirt button uneven and moving from side to side.
“I got a big tip alright…….” APienkoss said as he fell face first on the ground, “I can’t feel my legs………”
And that is how APienkoss found a job at a Roma’s Pizza and Pasta…………
Well years ago I wrote a series called 'How to Crack a Writer's Block' which is short stories of jokes and parodies that pop into my mind. I figure for a change of pace, since my past journals have been the down points in my life, that I would post something funny.
So enjoy ^^
(
)
We find APienkoss sitting on a couch at home with his two adopted daughters; Tiffany Gia Diggers-Pienkoss and Aruru Pienkoss. As to how APienkoss have two daughters from the Gold Digger World and Utawarerumono, that is another story…….
Currently the girls were watching their favorite show, while APienkoss was griming with illness.
‘Pokemon, it just had to be the soul-less over used Pokemon………..” APienkoss thought to himself.
He looks at his watch and kisses his daughters on their foreheads and got up from the couch, “Well little ones, I have to go out and look for a job now.”
“Do you have to do Daddy?” Tiffany asked.
“Didn’t you already have a job before?” Aruru asked.
APienkoss sweat drop, “Well……..”
(
)
“Let’s spilt up gang!” Fred said to the gang in front of a factory.
On a rooftop across from the factory, APienkoss aimed his sniper rifle. He pulled the trigger four times; each one was followed by four bodies hitting the ground.
“Raggy!!!”
APienkoss fired his last shot as the sound of a body hitting the ground was heard. He stood and turn towards a guy in a noodle like monster costume.
“That is how you get rid of those meddling kids.” APienkoss said as he took a briefcase full of money from the ground.
“Huh and I was going to scare them away with this Ghost of a Noodle Monster from Outer Space.” The guy said.
APienkoss gives him a flat stare, “You are a moron.”
(
)
“And didn’t you try out for the role in Final Fantasy 12?” Tiffany asked.
APienkoss sweat drop even more, “Uhhhhhhhh…….”
(
)
APienkoss, dressed in Vaan’s outfit, was walking with the gang through a forest.
“Hmmmmmm, a chocolate bunny.” APienkoss said.
“What was that?” Fran asked as she turned to him.
“Well you have dark skin and rabbit ears.” APienkoss explained with a smile, “A chocolate bunny.”
A few minutes later……….
“Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!” APienkoss screamed as he ran from a rain of arrows.
Everyone else was sweat dropping at the scene.
“This doesn’t seem right.” Penelo said.
“Yeah, and I don’t get why he said, ‘Ashe has a fat ass’.” Balthear said in a ponder look.
“What did he say!?” Ashe said with a pissed off look with a blood red aura surrounding her.
A few seconds later…………
“I said Phat Ashe!! APienkoss shouted as he ran from Ashe and Fran, both expressing killer intent, “Phat Ashe!!!!!”
(
)
“Let’s just say those jobs didn’t last to long as I hoped.” APienkoss said with a nervous smile as he walks towards the back door, “Now you father is going to go out and find a job.”
APienkoss looks back at them and smiles at them.
“I’ll find a job in a snap.”
(
)
At the Pokemon Center………
“Can you heal my Bulbsaur?”
“How about my Pikachu?”
APienkoss left eye twitched as a vein started to appear on his forehead. He stood behind the counter as different Trainers asked him for different task.
‘Why did I ever take this job……..’ APienkoss thought to himself, ‘At least it can’t get any worse…….’
Suddenly a young boy rushed into the Center, “Guess what, they discovered 1000 more Pokemon!!!”
A second later, viewing the planet from outer space, the planet exploded into bits. Floating in the center of the destruction, APienkoss was breathing heavily as veins were seen on his forehead. He suddenly shook his head clear as he looked around the scene.
“Does this mean I don’t get my pay check?” APienkoss said with sweat drop.
At Central…………….
APienkoss, dressed up in a State Alchemist uniform, hid in the closet of Roy Mustang with Edward Elric.
“Are you sure this will work?” Ed asked in a whisper.
“Trust me.” APienkoss said with a smirk and whisper.
They peeked through the slits of the door to see Roy and Riza working.
APienkoss cleared his throat and spoke in Riza’s voice, “Roy Mustang is dead sexy in a mini-skirt.”
Roy Mustang looked up at Riza with a confuse look, “What was that Hawkeye?”
“I didn’t say anything Sir.” Riza said.
APienkoss and Ed were trying hard to hold in their laughter as APienkoss cleared his throat again.
“I’d like to tap that sexy tight ass of yours Riza.” APienkoss said in Roy’s voice.
Roy had a shiver of fear as he looked up to see a Riza with a blood red aura around her as she pulls out her guns. Ed and APienkoss were laughing their butts off as they watched the one sided battle. They stopped laughing when the doors open to reveal a beaten, shot and uniform in tatters Roy with a very pissed off look on his face. Ed and APienkoss were sweating as they were caught.
“Pienkoss.” Roy said with a low growl.
“Y-yes sir?” APienkoss said in a worry toned of voice.
Mustang lifted one of his gloved hands, “You’re fired.”
Outside of Central, an explosion was heard as something was shot through the roof with a scream.
Castlevania………..
“Man, Dracula doesn’t pay me enough to clean this place up.” APienkoss mumbled to himself and growled as a Bloody Zombie walked by, “Hey I just cleaned that spot!!!!!”
APienkoss growled as he started to clean up the blood spots. He reaches into a room and sees a floating purple crystal.
“This looks familiar…….”
He lightly taps it and suddenly finds himself incased in a glowing purple coffin. APienkoss blinked his eyes as he found himself in a bed room.
“What the heck?”
He gulped as he felt a pair of arm wrapped around him and a lick on his neck.
“Welcome to my ‘parlor of love’ darkling.” Succubus said with a lustful tone of voice.
Outside, the purple coffin started to bounce around franticly, “Get me out of here!!!!!”
Midgar, 7th Heaven Bar…………
“This job should be easy.” APienkoss said as he stood behind the bar counter, “Although I wonder what is taking Tifa and the others so long from the mission.”
He suddenly heard a noise coming from above. He looks up and eeps as he saw the roof come crashing down on him. A few hours later, APienkoss pulls himself out of the rubble of the destroyed Sector.
“Well……” APienkoss said as he started to pick the rubble out of his hair, “That job fell apart and came crashing down on me…….”
At the View…………
“I am God, whatever I say I am right!” Rose O’Donald said, “I am full of hot air and ego is coming out of my butt!”
All of the women started to chat mindlessly and over dramatizing about anything. APienkoss sat there with a bored look as he sighs.
“Anybody want a dead goat?”
He tossed a dead goat on the ground and the women jumped onto it, tearing it up in a bloody mess.
“I’m out of here.” APienkoss said as he stood up and started to walk away, “This just proves that they have no souls.”
(
)
It was late in the evening; Tiffany and Aruru were asleep in their beds as APienkoss was writing in his notebook in his bedroom.
“Well I have tried every single job out there and nothing has worked.”
He suddenly hears his cell-phone ring and he answers it.
“Hello? Yes this is him. Yes? Really? Thank you so much!”
The next night……
A car pulls up to a house. APienkoss, dressed in a dark blue button shirt and black pants, steps up with a bag holding a delivery order. He walks up to the front doors and knocks on the door.
“Roma’s Pizza and Pasta Delivery Service.” APienkoss calls out, “One order of Calzone, Pasta Trio and a Greek Salad!”
“Come in!”
APienkoss opens the door and walks inside. He walks into the living room and places the bag on the table.
“The order comes to 20.17.” APienkoss calls out, looking around for the owner.
“How about a big ‘tip’?” A female voice said.
He turns around and blushes hard as he sees Hevn, from Get Backers, standing their in a lingerie that shows off everything.
“I think I’ll move on to the ‘desert’.” Hevn said as she licked her lips and sway walk her way towards him.
“Wha……Wha…….Wha…….Wha……..Wha…..” APienkoss stuttered as he walked backwards.
Hevn leap towards him, locking her lips onto his and making him fall backwards on the couch.
A few hours later, at Roma’s Pizza and Pasta, the doors chime open as a middle ages Mexican woman looks up with a smile.
“So you got a tip?” She asked.
APienkoss stood there, with many lip stick marks on his face, wobbling legs, his shirt button uneven and moving from side to side.
“I got a big tip alright…….” APienkoss said as he fell face first on the ground, “I can’t feel my legs………”
And that is how APienkoss found a job at a Roma’s Pizza and Pasta…………
As for the talking out loud...that was my first impression of Fran, and I realize that it's not a good idea to offend a Viera...even if it's true.
>.> Sadly i know that rule all too well.........