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So, where have I been?
15 years ago
My muse hates me.
It's really not more complicated than that. We've always had a combative relationship. She only shows up when I'm trying to sleep, or will get really excited to start a project, then gets bored and wonders off. I've tried to appease her, ignore her, create without her, but nothing really works. But I can understand her plight. There are only so many muses to go around, and she's a busy, busy girl. I just wish she had some better time management and could spend more with me once in a while.
I've got several half-stories written. Mostly about Hybrid University (since that's what I've been trying to make popular), some about other settings I've not released. But the narrative process eludes me. The stories are boring, when they're not outright cliche. The main problem is I've written myself into a corner with Hybrid University. The characters are in a bottle. They exist inside the university and only inside the university becuase outside of the walls is a hostile world that wants little if anything to do with them. There is potential there. Conflict is bound to happen when some of the characters get out. The problem I've been having is setting up the characters in a way that doesn't make me regret trying to write in the first place. I can't just jump to the "good stuff" without the introductions, but I cannot make the introductions work. I think I have a great group of characters to write about, but I'm also having problems trying to get all of their personalities right all the time. I tend to only really be able to get into one or two of their heads at once, so when they're all together trying to talk, some fade away, become generic, or the dialog just falls flat. It's often said that the artists and authors are their own worst critics. While it may be true, I simply can't release something I'm not proud of.
It is very frustrating. My creative specialty is characters and settings, but whenever I try to tell their story, it fails. I've got dozens of settings, and hundreds of characters, but nothing to do with them. My personal life has been unpleasant the past few years, which when combined with the aforementioned frustration, has left me fairly depressed and half the time I don't want to do anything at all. So my progress has ground to a complete halt. Sadly, until I do something I proud of again, I don't see that changing any time soon. I keep pecking at the stories, but nothing comes of it.
So why am I telling all this here, where likely no one's going to see it? *Shrug* Where else am I going to get all of this off my chest? And to let anyone who actually does care about Hybrid University, who did like what's there so far, know that I'm not entirely dead, and neither is it. But unless something changes for me, expect a lot more of the same in the near future. I'm sorry, but sometimes someone's best effort just isn't good enough.
It's really not more complicated than that. We've always had a combative relationship. She only shows up when I'm trying to sleep, or will get really excited to start a project, then gets bored and wonders off. I've tried to appease her, ignore her, create without her, but nothing really works. But I can understand her plight. There are only so many muses to go around, and she's a busy, busy girl. I just wish she had some better time management and could spend more with me once in a while.
I've got several half-stories written. Mostly about Hybrid University (since that's what I've been trying to make popular), some about other settings I've not released. But the narrative process eludes me. The stories are boring, when they're not outright cliche. The main problem is I've written myself into a corner with Hybrid University. The characters are in a bottle. They exist inside the university and only inside the university becuase outside of the walls is a hostile world that wants little if anything to do with them. There is potential there. Conflict is bound to happen when some of the characters get out. The problem I've been having is setting up the characters in a way that doesn't make me regret trying to write in the first place. I can't just jump to the "good stuff" without the introductions, but I cannot make the introductions work. I think I have a great group of characters to write about, but I'm also having problems trying to get all of their personalities right all the time. I tend to only really be able to get into one or two of their heads at once, so when they're all together trying to talk, some fade away, become generic, or the dialog just falls flat. It's often said that the artists and authors are their own worst critics. While it may be true, I simply can't release something I'm not proud of.
It is very frustrating. My creative specialty is characters and settings, but whenever I try to tell their story, it fails. I've got dozens of settings, and hundreds of characters, but nothing to do with them. My personal life has been unpleasant the past few years, which when combined with the aforementioned frustration, has left me fairly depressed and half the time I don't want to do anything at all. So my progress has ground to a complete halt. Sadly, until I do something I proud of again, I don't see that changing any time soon. I keep pecking at the stories, but nothing comes of it.
So why am I telling all this here, where likely no one's going to see it? *Shrug* Where else am I going to get all of this off my chest? And to let anyone who actually does care about Hybrid University, who did like what's there so far, know that I'm not entirely dead, and neither is it. But unless something changes for me, expect a lot more of the same in the near future. I'm sorry, but sometimes someone's best effort just isn't good enough.
