FA+
Shop
An Awakening for All
16 years ago
General
We live in a world shadowed by monsters...
I've been so close to snapping, I can feel the strain on my skin and in my bones as it eats away and bends the branches of my morale.
Yet in the previous weeks I have been working, slipping and sliding over greased floors in absolute darkness. I've been trying to find a
mop to clean the goddamn floor of my mind, and get some replacement bulbs for the ones that have blown.
I want to share with you a little story if I may. Imagine your life is a shower. It's fairly small, neat, clean, smells nice. Now, imagine
your problems, your stresses and anxieties, take the form of vomit. You are vomiting in your shower. With just one person it's relatively
fine, it goes down easy and the drain feels no pressure. But you see, the process is different for me. I've long been the one to hold out
my hand, be a listening ear, give other people the attention they need before I even think of looking towards myself. The problem of this
is that I have a slight issue with just letting this information slip in one ear and out the other. The easiest explanation is simply that
whenever someone tells me of their failing family, a relationship gone wrong, a test that maybe was a bit too hard that I have the next
day, I don't get rid of these thoughts, I ABSORB them. Their problems become by own. Let's go back to the shower.
Suddenly, it's like thousands upon thousands of people have all run into my bathroom at the same time and are now simultaneously
puking in my shower. The drain gets clogged, and your shower/life is fucked beyond hope.
I am about to do what I've never done before. I am cutting ties. I am eliminating the stresses in my life, one by one. It is a strange
feeling I get, to verbally and physically push someone away after I've held onto them so long. All my exes, several of my friends... It' a
hard business, yet it's in the best interest of my recovery. I need this to be healthy. For once I am standing up for me and only me,
tossing out the bullshit I've taken in, shoved all the people out of my shower so I can use some fucking drain-o. This will take time. You
can't clean up a shower filled with regurgitated pizza and burgers in a few days. This will take months, even years to correct. I need to
help myself before I can help anyone anymore.
This does not mean, however, that I'm completely off-limits to being an open ear. If you have something troubling you, bring it up, feel
free. I am here for you, all of you. That is my nature, and it is something very hard for me to eliminate. I will always be an open arms for
those who need them, and I will always be the ear you need to whisper in. The only difference is that 1) I have distanced myself from
major stress sources, and 2) I will simply tell you if the conversation is too much for me, which I doubt it will be.
I am still here for you lovies. Always will be. It's just that now, my health is at the top of my to-do list, instead of buried at the bottom
under all the piles and years of junkmail and spam. I am still here.
-Lola A. Gene
However I am also very psychically open to the world. It's a long line in my family of women who are very in tune with themselves as part of the extra set of senses that most people are unawares of. My little sister has yet to develop but after a certain age we all begin to get these weird things happening. My mom can speak with babies before they are born - their spirits. My grandmother could use telekinesis.
I see auras like my mom can. Also, like mother.... I absorb emotions. I really physically can feel the emotions of the people around me and they press down on my mind like a nightmare. It's hell D: So I had to get rid of those people who were too volatile for me to be around. It has DEFINITELY helped me... Keep hold of my own sanity, lets say. O.o
I hope that, despite how tricky this may be for you, you have the same great results in the end as I have. I hope you can take hold of your own mind once more and just relax...
Breath easy, friend.
Because once in a while, all we need is a hug.