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Why is everything happening now..
16 years ago
General
This is going to be a long journal and I will literally be very DESCRIPTIVE. Warning.
Nothing good has really happened at all this week..I didn't get to see him, and I don't know..maybe now I'm realizing how much of great guy he really has been, and is continuing to be towards me..I'm such an idiot to let it all go though..I really, and truly am.
Track is mandatory starting next week..I had a serious conversation with my track coaches today..and basically they took me on the biggest guilt trip I've ever had in my life..It started out with my talking to the assistant coach, who is much nicer and not as agressive as my main coach. He basically said this: "It wouldn't be the same without you here, Koz. We need you..Scava needs you."
I kinda brushed that idea out of my head..they don't need me. I have no friends in track this year..all my friends quit..so out of nowhere, my head coach comes, and so..he pulls me over..and we talk. This is how it goes for the most part. -Please..I honestly didn't remember every LAST thing he said..this is basically how I interpreted it.-
"..Scava.."
"Look at all these girls around you. Look at um, kay?"
"Kay.."
"You're going to let all of them down. They need you, and they're relying on you."
"I know."
"Koz..you're one of the top 5 runners, do you understand that?"
"...."
"I know you have a whole lifetime to work..but have fun in your life..you're going to have some awesome memories of track..and if you're already considering quitting for a job, you probably won't be here next year."
"Yeah.."
"You have God-given talent..so use it. Stay here. I mean..no matter what you do, I'll always be there for you, I'll be behind you, but I want you here..and I think you want to be here."
I literally wanted to cry..I wanted to hold unto him, because he made me feel so selfish..but..I nodded, and decided without thinking. I said:
"I'll stay."
I regret that..I really do...because now I'm committed to do track, with a bunch of girls who I really don't get along with.. If I end up getting a job, I'll still be in track..
I'm going to become the most stressful person in the world. I just know it..hell, it's already happening.
I'm done for now..I have to get ready for church..
Nothing good has really happened at all this week..I didn't get to see him, and I don't know..maybe now I'm realizing how much of great guy he really has been, and is continuing to be towards me..I'm such an idiot to let it all go though..I really, and truly am.
Track is mandatory starting next week..I had a serious conversation with my track coaches today..and basically they took me on the biggest guilt trip I've ever had in my life..It started out with my talking to the assistant coach, who is much nicer and not as agressive as my main coach. He basically said this: "It wouldn't be the same without you here, Koz. We need you..Scava needs you."
I kinda brushed that idea out of my head..they don't need me. I have no friends in track this year..all my friends quit..so out of nowhere, my head coach comes, and so..he pulls me over..and we talk. This is how it goes for the most part. -Please..I honestly didn't remember every LAST thing he said..this is basically how I interpreted it.-
"..Scava.."
"Look at all these girls around you. Look at um, kay?"
"Kay.."
"You're going to let all of them down. They need you, and they're relying on you."
"I know."
"Koz..you're one of the top 5 runners, do you understand that?"
"...."
"I know you have a whole lifetime to work..but have fun in your life..you're going to have some awesome memories of track..and if you're already considering quitting for a job, you probably won't be here next year."
"Yeah.."
"You have God-given talent..so use it. Stay here. I mean..no matter what you do, I'll always be there for you, I'll be behind you, but I want you here..and I think you want to be here."
I literally wanted to cry..I wanted to hold unto him, because he made me feel so selfish..but..I nodded, and decided without thinking. I said:
"I'll stay."
I regret that..I really do...because now I'm committed to do track, with a bunch of girls who I really don't get along with.. If I end up getting a job, I'll still be in track..
I'm going to become the most stressful person in the world. I just know it..hell, it's already happening.
I'm done for now..I have to get ready for church..
