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A Commentary on "A Twin's Love"
16 years ago
General
I just wanted to sit down and take a moment to talk about this story and answer anything you, my small collection of watchers, might want to know about it. If you haven't read it yet, the .pdf version is here http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3501217/ and the .txt version is here http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3508457/
The first thing you all should know about this story is that I had the bus scene written a few months ago and placed in a folder with some other non-completed works of mine. I was inspired to write that because of reading "Better Days", specifically this page: http://www.jaynaylor.com/betterdays.....0-brot-15.html I felt that Fisk's emotions really weren't built up properly, so I was utterly confused at that point why he would feel that way for Lucy. Unless you consider a few pages earlier when Fisk was helping her shop to be proper build up. Our in the beginning of that chapter where Fisk is comforting Lucy. Those two acts I find to be more out of brotherly love than anything else.
So, long rant short, Lucy's build up was done well but Fisk's could have been a hell of a lot better. Also on a side note, anyone else think that Fisk at that age sort of looks like Heero Yuy?
Then, a few nights ago I was wanting to write something to get the rust out. While thinking about what to write, this story popped into my head, so I opened it up and brainstormed until I got something that I liked in mind.
Now, what I tried to do with the bus scene between Max and Rose is subtly establish that they may have feelings for each other that goes beyond that brother/sister relationship. Did I succeed? I honestly go back and forth between "no" and "maybe." I reread it now and can see how it might be that way but I can also see the reverse in that it could just be a brother wanting to help and comfort his sister. But it really depends on the reader, so what do you think?
Next, the tucking in scene. This was there for two reasons. One, to connect the bus scene to the third scene. Two, to establish that on some level Max is attracted to his sister. Did I succeed? I think I probably made it a bit to subtle, if non-existent.
Finally, what most people read it for, the sex. First thing some of you may notice is that Rose seems a bit out-of-character here. Second is that you may wonder how she got Max's boxers off without waking him up. The answer is kinda simple, really. I was originally going to make this segment be a wet-dream that caused Max to feel awkward around his sister. But in the state-of-mind that staying up to 7 in the morning does to you I decided to end it there.
What'll happen with this story in the future will probably be one of two things. I rework it with the ending I wanted originally or I write a continuation with what I wanted to happen after Max waking up.
But, here's the main part I wanted to write this journal. If you have any questions about this story, feel free to respond to this journal with them and I'll answer them!
The first thing you all should know about this story is that I had the bus scene written a few months ago and placed in a folder with some other non-completed works of mine. I was inspired to write that because of reading "Better Days", specifically this page: http://www.jaynaylor.com/betterdays.....0-brot-15.html I felt that Fisk's emotions really weren't built up properly, so I was utterly confused at that point why he would feel that way for Lucy. Unless you consider a few pages earlier when Fisk was helping her shop to be proper build up. Our in the beginning of that chapter where Fisk is comforting Lucy. Those two acts I find to be more out of brotherly love than anything else.
So, long rant short, Lucy's build up was done well but Fisk's could have been a hell of a lot better. Also on a side note, anyone else think that Fisk at that age sort of looks like Heero Yuy?
Then, a few nights ago I was wanting to write something to get the rust out. While thinking about what to write, this story popped into my head, so I opened it up and brainstormed until I got something that I liked in mind.
Now, what I tried to do with the bus scene between Max and Rose is subtly establish that they may have feelings for each other that goes beyond that brother/sister relationship. Did I succeed? I honestly go back and forth between "no" and "maybe." I reread it now and can see how it might be that way but I can also see the reverse in that it could just be a brother wanting to help and comfort his sister. But it really depends on the reader, so what do you think?
Next, the tucking in scene. This was there for two reasons. One, to connect the bus scene to the third scene. Two, to establish that on some level Max is attracted to his sister. Did I succeed? I think I probably made it a bit to subtle, if non-existent.
Finally, what most people read it for, the sex. First thing some of you may notice is that Rose seems a bit out-of-character here. Second is that you may wonder how she got Max's boxers off without waking him up. The answer is kinda simple, really. I was originally going to make this segment be a wet-dream that caused Max to feel awkward around his sister. But in the state-of-mind that staying up to 7 in the morning does to you I decided to end it there.
What'll happen with this story in the future will probably be one of two things. I rework it with the ending I wanted originally or I write a continuation with what I wanted to happen after Max waking up.
But, here's the main part I wanted to write this journal. If you have any questions about this story, feel free to respond to this journal with them and I'll answer them!
