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Rockin' like a hurricane
15 years ago
Better than before
So the title really has nothing to do with my journal, I just needed something as a title. I hate leaving them blank.
Well, let's do a little update shall we? I'll try to be clear and concise, but there's no promises since my mind is all light and feathery from my pills.
So here we go!
James and myself were evicted from our apartment in Boise, Id. We were living with Gothic as well, but he had packed up the week before and gotten the heck outta there. Which at the time pissed me off because he gave us less than a days notice and also didn't clean up his room or bathroom (he offered too later in the future, but I declined and just did it myself, which sucked because there were hair colour stains everywhere that had to be soaked in bleach). so we got evicted, moved everything out and then James left. I stayed behind for a few more days to do the cleaning and get to work easier (it was a block away). Well, then I left and was allowed to go stay with Jen aka Silver. My first day there, my alarm didn't go off and I was late for work. They fired me. Everyone at Jen's was very nice and supportive and I really liked that.
I washed all the floors at Jen's and did my laundry. I had fun and kept things clean. I didn't eat their food except one box of mac and cheese and everything was pretty sweet. James in the meantime had moved to Melba to live with his aunt and uncle. Now everything at Jen's was going well and I was having a ball, being around friends, smoking, drinking and just having fun in general. I hadn't had that for a long time, but I should have figured it wouldn't have gone well for forever. Well, one night after drinking sweet lil Goat started alternating between being horribly sick, and crying hysterically, so Cyrus and I stayed up with him out in the living room. We wanted to keep an eye on him. We ended up falling asleep side by side, but not touching, on a bean bag chair (something actually called a love sak) in the living room. Len saw and flipped out. She jumped to the conclusion that something was happening between Cyrus and myself and called James. I woke up and sensing the impending doom of drama I headed out for a walk. Gothic hunted me down (he was also living at Jens) and we went back to the trailer. I called James and cleared things up, but I knew that there was no way I could continue living there.
You see, once Jen gets something in her head be it an idea or a perspective about someone, it stays there. For example, the next day she and I went to a few stores. Now my skin is very sensitive and marks easily, when my necklaces press hard enough into my skin, it will leave a red mark, the same goes for when I wear my purse strap close to my neck, or even if I just barely scratch an area. Well, this had happened, leaving a bright red mark on my neck, Jen automatically assumed that this mark was a hickey that had been left behind by Cyrus. I didn't hear anything about it, but he did, which made me depressed.
Well, the next day I left there, packed up a majority of my stuff and came to Melba to visit James. What started as a visit has turned into me living here. I got the rest of my stuff from Jen's and am staying in this lovely house that his aunt and uncle own. I got my tax refund and my first paycheck from work, so I have a phone for at least 2 months. I have newly updated tags on my car and a full tank of gas. I also have a few fun things now too: some new movies, a new pair of jeans, a hat, a Tru Blood shirt, oh and a collectors edition keepsake box for New Moon. (there's only 35 in all of Boise and Nampa.)
Well, let's do a little update shall we? I'll try to be clear and concise, but there's no promises since my mind is all light and feathery from my pills.
So here we go!
James and myself were evicted from our apartment in Boise, Id. We were living with Gothic as well, but he had packed up the week before and gotten the heck outta there. Which at the time pissed me off because he gave us less than a days notice and also didn't clean up his room or bathroom (he offered too later in the future, but I declined and just did it myself, which sucked because there were hair colour stains everywhere that had to be soaked in bleach). so we got evicted, moved everything out and then James left. I stayed behind for a few more days to do the cleaning and get to work easier (it was a block away). Well, then I left and was allowed to go stay with Jen aka Silver. My first day there, my alarm didn't go off and I was late for work. They fired me. Everyone at Jen's was very nice and supportive and I really liked that.
I washed all the floors at Jen's and did my laundry. I had fun and kept things clean. I didn't eat their food except one box of mac and cheese and everything was pretty sweet. James in the meantime had moved to Melba to live with his aunt and uncle. Now everything at Jen's was going well and I was having a ball, being around friends, smoking, drinking and just having fun in general. I hadn't had that for a long time, but I should have figured it wouldn't have gone well for forever. Well, one night after drinking sweet lil Goat started alternating between being horribly sick, and crying hysterically, so Cyrus and I stayed up with him out in the living room. We wanted to keep an eye on him. We ended up falling asleep side by side, but not touching, on a bean bag chair (something actually called a love sak) in the living room. Len saw and flipped out. She jumped to the conclusion that something was happening between Cyrus and myself and called James. I woke up and sensing the impending doom of drama I headed out for a walk. Gothic hunted me down (he was also living at Jens) and we went back to the trailer. I called James and cleared things up, but I knew that there was no way I could continue living there.
You see, once Jen gets something in her head be it an idea or a perspective about someone, it stays there. For example, the next day she and I went to a few stores. Now my skin is very sensitive and marks easily, when my necklaces press hard enough into my skin, it will leave a red mark, the same goes for when I wear my purse strap close to my neck, or even if I just barely scratch an area. Well, this had happened, leaving a bright red mark on my neck, Jen automatically assumed that this mark was a hickey that had been left behind by Cyrus. I didn't hear anything about it, but he did, which made me depressed.
Well, the next day I left there, packed up a majority of my stuff and came to Melba to visit James. What started as a visit has turned into me living here. I got the rest of my stuff from Jen's and am staying in this lovely house that his aunt and uncle own. I got my tax refund and my first paycheck from work, so I have a phone for at least 2 months. I have newly updated tags on my car and a full tank of gas. I also have a few fun things now too: some new movies, a new pair of jeans, a hat, a Tru Blood shirt, oh and a collectors edition keepsake box for New Moon. (there's only 35 in all of Boise and Nampa.)
Now, in terms of James...and I dont care if he sees this or not because you are my friend....he needs to man up. If he could get a job, or at least try to find one, I think that would help you two alot. But, if your heart is set with this AJ fellow, take some time out, end your relationship with James, and then take some time by yourself before beginning something new. Whim, honestly, you DO have alot of talent, and YOU ARE a beautiful person! I see it, Gothic sees it, and so does everyone else. Including James I am sure. Maybe James doesnt know how to treat a lady? Who knows. But, I know the feeling of living for someone else. I did that with Josh and I went through the same crap. Dont live for him, hun. Live for you, and for your daughter. Do what makes YOU happy. And if he doesnt like it, well, sucks to be him! Text me anytime. AND if you need a place to go, I always have my door open. Even though I hate having alot of people around, I would rather have you living with us then see you going through the same emotional rollercoaster that I went through. BTW, I love the comment about your daughter having a beautiful Mum - its true and you know it! CHEER UP LADY!
Now that this is out of the way, I want to say something in regard to James, having known him for years.
1) He /is/ a pessimist. It is part of the Jame package- it's hard to deal with, but you have to just take everything he says with a grain of salt.
2) When James said that you were cute, I don't think he meant you're not cute now (which you are, by the by.) He's not always aware of other people's feelings and can be thoughtless in regards to that. But that does not mean he doesn't care nor love.
3) You are the first girl I have seen with him who has lasted this long this well. You two have been through shit I can't even fathom- L never would have held out this long going though all this. L went crazy with him. You have stuck through it- that makes you strong. You are kind and sweet and beautiful and I know he knows that. But I think he needs to be reminded that other humans can't function like he can on minimal praise and interaction.
Talk to him. Take it slow, and don't get emotional if you can help it. a) he needs to get a job b) relationships aren't about putting people down c) ask him to take into account others. Take a day or two to think about what you want to say to him. Don't cry, don't sob. Don't roll your eyes and get sarcastic. Be calm and cool- the best way to deal with James is by his own methods. If, after hearing you out, he still can't get it, then do whatever you feel you must.
- be that breaking up with him or staying. That's your call in the end.
Be well, and remember, you are loved by James and by myself.
Thank you so much Dandizette! I miss you so much! I love talking to you and I wish you would text, but I know you hate that. Lol. Thank you thank you thank you. We should hang out next time I'm in Boise, agreed?
Anyways, must go, James is brushing my hair and just brushed my bangs into my face so I can't see. Bye, m'dear.
Ps- I effing LOVE your avatar.
Give me a call the next time you are in a bind with James and I can talk you through things if you like. You do have my mobile, don't you? Or the next time you are in Boise.
Be well, the both of you. : )
PS- Thanks, it pretty much sums up my philosophy on everything- TEA DAMMIT!