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15 years ago
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¨°¤««‡†Save me from my own brutality]†‡»»¤°¨
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Hey guys, first off I'm saying thank you to everyone reading this. If you're reading this, you're probably watching me, and if you're watching me, I think I can safely say it's because there's something about my art you like to keep an eye on. For that, I thank you, I'm flattered to know people might actually enjoy staring at my scribblings and I'm honored to think some of you like suffering through my ramblings enough to continue to come back to read more. I don't know what you might see in me and my work, but I'm moved to think you see something there. =)
Pretty much the rest of this journal is me openly sharing with you some of my thoughts and ideas regarding my art here on FA and commissions.
So then, new art, as promised last here. Here you go! Browse the gallery. There's a few new pieces. You might notice a certain shift in style with some of my recent work and I just wanted to take a moment here to talk about that as I've been musing over it for quite some time now.
I've been having a serious love/hate relationship with art lately and some of you might have gleaned this from past journals. Lately I've been feeling more of the hate then then love. I hate working on art. I hate uploading it. I hate waiting nervously to see if people will like it or not. I hate the way I feel a few days after doing art when I look at it and notice EVERY SINGLE FLAW. I hate sitting down to a blank paper and feeling overwhelmed with the threat of horrible failure and the pressure and expectation of great success. I have not loved art for me, myself and I and for the joy of what it brings me... in years. I have been on a mission to change this the past year. By trial and error I believe I'm finding my way.
One of my issues is trying to please everyone else. Since I've joined the whole furry social networking art galleries I've found my art has stagnated. I've drawn nothing but what I've thought someone else would enjoy for the last 8 years. The great majority of everything I've done has been with the hopes of pleasing someone else.
I've changed what I draw. I've changed when I draw. I've changed why I draw. I've changed how I feel about every aspect of every part of this process, and it ends more times then naught, with a bigger empty feeling inside then every before.
The biggest issue here is the "why I draw" aspect and that's what I've identified and what I am tackling the hardest.
I feel that thus far my work has been sub-par because my motivation and focus has been external instead of internal. My work is lacking because I as an artist am lacking. I feel like I have this huge well of potential and I don't even begin to tap into it. The more I do silly simple things because I think they will sell better, get better attention, better reviews, more views, more comments, more friends, ETC, the more I lose myself as an artist and the more my work suffers for it. That is the dangerous culprit I face. It's a very slippery slope of verification and gratification, but my focus is misplaced on the external forms instead of the internal. This had left the internal mechanisms for "why I create art" empty, lacking, neglected. No good!
I feel like I have a greater potential then what I see myself doing now and I watch others growing around me and I feel my own growth has been stunted for some time. The more I talk to other artists, the more I sense this is the essence of an artistic and motivated spirit. We all see the artists around us and marvel at the elements of their work that impress and surpass us and in response we raise our internal bar of expectations and results a little higher. We see what can be done and we push ourselves toward this elevated potential.
This is where I'm at.
I really feel like I've been running in 2nd gear for a very long time. I'm ready to throttle it up and see what I can do. I want challenges, new experiences, new tools, fresh knowledge and a greater sense of ability. So far I've pushed myself in little baby steps. Nothing too scary or too hard, sharpening my talons so to speak. I've got a long way to go. I've going to start doing those progression memes. The ones where you take some of your best works of art for each year and start a time line of progression. I'm super excited to see where mine goes. I hope to blow myself away, and you guys as well. I aim to impress (mostly myself).
I do a lot of silly drawing and goofy things here and there and I'll continue to do them because they are extremely fun stress relievers, but overall, I won't upload them anymore. I use them too often for attention, fearing my lack of activity here means my watchers will suddenly fade away or un-watch me simply because they see so little of my art they can't remember why they watched me to begin with. D=
But oh well, if that is the truth, then I guess I'm going to have far lass watchers in the near future. My upload rate is going to be drastically reduced... as if it could be reduced much farther from it's current level of "once in a blue moon." XD
With the exception of WIP pieces and things I just HAVE to show off, I will only be uploading completed, portfolio worthy pieces and completed commissions into my galleries (including scraps). The rest of the silly fodder will go here: (for pg-13) http://ebonstripes.artspots.com/gallery/1611
or here (for R+) http://www.furaffinity.net/scraps/aserettc/
And one of these days, maybe over summer, I will clean out my gallery here and get rid of the old and misplaced crap!
As for commissions, these are my thoughts:
From here on out I take commissions ONLY under two circumstances:
1) At conventions where I'm a dealer.
OR
2)Limited number, first come first served slots for pre-priced open-ended commissions. AKA, I say $5 single character colored sketches, then someone gives me $5 as well as reference links to a character and once sentence describing the "feeling" (possibly pose or action) they want. The rest is up to me. I get the most bored with commissions that are highly restrictive, so I'm not going to do them. =)
The trade off, a low cost, but I get to do what I want.
Also, I do away will ALL completion deadlines. I can't keep to them. I'll give estimates for completion, but can no longer promise a deadline. This may sound shady, but it allows me to reasonably deal with my every day life. Shit happens, and for me being as involved in as many RL activities and responsibilities as I am, shit seems to happen on a horrifically frequent basis. However, if I do small commissions only and limited numbers, it shouldn't be a problem.
This wouldn't be retroactive. This would apply to commissions from here on out.
Those are my thoughts on the matter.
I have to find a way to enjoy doing art like I used to. These are my ideas and steps thus far.
Don't worry if you're confused. It's not as complicated as it sounds, and at this point I'm just sharing my thoughts, feelings and ideas.
Don't hesitate to give feedback. All feedback is used, if even just to determine what not to do. ^.^
Thank you again to the brave who actually suffer through these ramblings and then leave a few words. I really do appreciate it and and unspeakably grateful. And thanks to all my friends who are there always and offer me an ear and thoughts in a regular basis, even if I don't reply, your comments get through to me and I appreciate them, and you!
Pretty much the rest of this journal is me openly sharing with you some of my thoughts and ideas regarding my art here on FA and commissions.
So then, new art, as promised last here. Here you go! Browse the gallery. There's a few new pieces. You might notice a certain shift in style with some of my recent work and I just wanted to take a moment here to talk about that as I've been musing over it for quite some time now.
I've been having a serious love/hate relationship with art lately and some of you might have gleaned this from past journals. Lately I've been feeling more of the hate then then love. I hate working on art. I hate uploading it. I hate waiting nervously to see if people will like it or not. I hate the way I feel a few days after doing art when I look at it and notice EVERY SINGLE FLAW. I hate sitting down to a blank paper and feeling overwhelmed with the threat of horrible failure and the pressure and expectation of great success. I have not loved art for me, myself and I and for the joy of what it brings me... in years. I have been on a mission to change this the past year. By trial and error I believe I'm finding my way.
One of my issues is trying to please everyone else. Since I've joined the whole furry social networking art galleries I've found my art has stagnated. I've drawn nothing but what I've thought someone else would enjoy for the last 8 years. The great majority of everything I've done has been with the hopes of pleasing someone else.
I've changed what I draw. I've changed when I draw. I've changed why I draw. I've changed how I feel about every aspect of every part of this process, and it ends more times then naught, with a bigger empty feeling inside then every before.
The biggest issue here is the "why I draw" aspect and that's what I've identified and what I am tackling the hardest.
I feel that thus far my work has been sub-par because my motivation and focus has been external instead of internal. My work is lacking because I as an artist am lacking. I feel like I have this huge well of potential and I don't even begin to tap into it. The more I do silly simple things because I think they will sell better, get better attention, better reviews, more views, more comments, more friends, ETC, the more I lose myself as an artist and the more my work suffers for it. That is the dangerous culprit I face. It's a very slippery slope of verification and gratification, but my focus is misplaced on the external forms instead of the internal. This had left the internal mechanisms for "why I create art" empty, lacking, neglected. No good!
I feel like I have a greater potential then what I see myself doing now and I watch others growing around me and I feel my own growth has been stunted for some time. The more I talk to other artists, the more I sense this is the essence of an artistic and motivated spirit. We all see the artists around us and marvel at the elements of their work that impress and surpass us and in response we raise our internal bar of expectations and results a little higher. We see what can be done and we push ourselves toward this elevated potential.
This is where I'm at.
I really feel like I've been running in 2nd gear for a very long time. I'm ready to throttle it up and see what I can do. I want challenges, new experiences, new tools, fresh knowledge and a greater sense of ability. So far I've pushed myself in little baby steps. Nothing too scary or too hard, sharpening my talons so to speak. I've got a long way to go. I've going to start doing those progression memes. The ones where you take some of your best works of art for each year and start a time line of progression. I'm super excited to see where mine goes. I hope to blow myself away, and you guys as well. I aim to impress (mostly myself).
I do a lot of silly drawing and goofy things here and there and I'll continue to do them because they are extremely fun stress relievers, but overall, I won't upload them anymore. I use them too often for attention, fearing my lack of activity here means my watchers will suddenly fade away or un-watch me simply because they see so little of my art they can't remember why they watched me to begin with. D=
But oh well, if that is the truth, then I guess I'm going to have far lass watchers in the near future. My upload rate is going to be drastically reduced... as if it could be reduced much farther from it's current level of "once in a blue moon." XD
With the exception of WIP pieces and things I just HAVE to show off, I will only be uploading completed, portfolio worthy pieces and completed commissions into my galleries (including scraps). The rest of the silly fodder will go here: (for pg-13) http://ebonstripes.artspots.com/gallery/1611
or here (for R+) http://www.furaffinity.net/scraps/aserettc/
And one of these days, maybe over summer, I will clean out my gallery here and get rid of the old and misplaced crap!
As for commissions, these are my thoughts:
From here on out I take commissions ONLY under two circumstances:
1) At conventions where I'm a dealer.
OR
2)Limited number, first come first served slots for pre-priced open-ended commissions. AKA, I say $5 single character colored sketches, then someone gives me $5 as well as reference links to a character and once sentence describing the "feeling" (possibly pose or action) they want. The rest is up to me. I get the most bored with commissions that are highly restrictive, so I'm not going to do them. =)
The trade off, a low cost, but I get to do what I want.
Also, I do away will ALL completion deadlines. I can't keep to them. I'll give estimates for completion, but can no longer promise a deadline. This may sound shady, but it allows me to reasonably deal with my every day life. Shit happens, and for me being as involved in as many RL activities and responsibilities as I am, shit seems to happen on a horrifically frequent basis. However, if I do small commissions only and limited numbers, it shouldn't be a problem.
This wouldn't be retroactive. This would apply to commissions from here on out.
Those are my thoughts on the matter.
I have to find a way to enjoy doing art like I used to. These are my ideas and steps thus far.
Don't worry if you're confused. It's not as complicated as it sounds, and at this point I'm just sharing my thoughts, feelings and ideas.
Don't hesitate to give feedback. All feedback is used, if even just to determine what not to do. ^.^
Thank you again to the brave who actually suffer through these ramblings and then leave a few words. I really do appreciate it and and unspeakably grateful. And thanks to all my friends who are there always and offer me an ear and thoughts in a regular basis, even if I don't reply, your comments get through to me and I appreciate them, and you!
You just extremely eloquently described what I've been going through to a T.
Thank you for putting it into words, and hopefully we can both journey to being happier with putting pencil to paper and having it -mean- something again.
I'm flattered to know people might actually enjoy starting at my scribblings and I'm horned to think some of you like suffering through my ramblings...
Oh yeah baby, it sure turns me on to ramble at people. XD
For sure we can get out of the funk! I think it's this, people gotta go back to the basics and ask "what do I really wanna do?" And then have no fear or shame in selfishly enjoying something just for yourself. ^.^
in other news, my armpit hair is a beast. I JUST shaved that shit the day before yesterday and it's already back again.
It's a sign of good health!
I have to shave every other day. I start to feel stubble within 24 hours. D= I hate shaving, so much work. I'm so lazy.
I wonder if those deodorants that are supposed to slow hair-growth actually work....
With clays it is always something, even if it doesn't look like what you wanted yet, even if it's ugly or misshapen, even if it's just a lump, and for me I find it easier to take something and make it something of a different shape than take nothing and draw forms from that void.
I find it interesting to see how my 2d art changes in response to things I subconsciously pick up from 3d art and vice versa. :)
Might be a fun way to stretch your artistic muscles!
I do think that working from an existing form is different then working from nothing, but in the end, it all comes down to the forms and visions we have in our heads. If your head is mucked up and you've lost touch with the "Why I create" aspect of who you are, no matter what the medium is, you'll still get stuck. I was talking about the issue of letting my own ideas, visions, desires and inspirations out as I please, instead of by the whim or desire of someone else. Addressing that is doing me wonders and I'm feeling so much better for it already.
I'm glad that you are working through your issues with creating things that you want - after all, if you like the art you create for yourself, there's bound to be other folks like you out there who will also like it! I like a lot of your personal pieces myself, because they have more emotion, more rawness to them than I see in your commissions and other work. I hope your progress in this regard continues apace. :)
Wow, I feel like I know you a lot better now :) Do what you need to do to make yourself happy.
The way I see it, is even if your style has been more towards pleasing everyone, or is affected by what you want to be popular/to sell well, there's *always* a little bit of you in there.
As for the commish changes, totally understandable, I can see it helping you relax and be yourself in your future art, along with keeping you from getting into crazy weeks when you have a ton of things going on/due and overall increasing your well being, with less stress and all.
Hopefully that all makes sense, might clear some things up later, if I remember. x.x