It's Tuesday, 10:15pm as I start to write this. My body is telling me to go to sleep, my brain is saying no. Why for, I never really know. It's all just a silly biochemical rythm, and we're free to ignore such things as we please.

Yeah, I'm having a philosophical day. I always try to be serious, but I cope with the world by taking everything easy. Life by hypocrisy and paradox. I really wish I were observant enough to know the world around myself. I just get too lost in the world within.

There's some sort of balance to this life. I just find myself ignoring it by choice. I find myself making the choice to tip from extreme to extreme, as if it's some sort of metaphysical exercise to better refine my sense of self and goal.

All at the same time, I find myself shutting out the world and drawing those precious few people closer then ever.

I can't help but laugh and smile. I pick a path to follow with my life's goals and directions, so happenstance. Six months ago, I had all the plans perfected on where I would rent, who I would rent with, where I would be in six months, then twelve and eighteen months from there.

Then I up and bought a house. So I figured I'd put my nose to the grindstone and get this place fixed up and rentable. Live a more free life. I find myself putting that off, because the freedom really, is I can look at these unfinished walls, walk on these floors that I sanded and refinished with my own bare hands, I can look into my barren fridge. I'm happier then I've been.

When people ask me for advice, I preach the exact opposite of how I live. I tell people it's wise to practise security, that happiness is what you make of life. Yet I've found that I'm allowing life to shape what my happiness is.

I'm more lost then I ever thought possible, and I'm the marker on the map. I've got people coming and going in greater amounts then ever before. My co-workers turn to me more and more for answers about policy I really have not read. Then again, most of these people are starting to show improvements in their quality of work.

Again, this is all something that makes me chuckle.

The characters in my life have become even more numerous. The few I call friends have shrunk by a large margin, and I find myself reaching out, searching for fresh blood to get friendly with. I've finally become mature enough to say 'No' and nothing more, to let people know when I will simply have nothing further to do with them.

I've found that I've grown up some more, in ways I can't count or describe.

When I first started writing this journal, my thoughts were a mess, yet I've found by rambling about, I've cleared my thoughts and refined my goals.

In the next three months, I want to be able to sit down with an art program, and produce something painting like. By the end of the year I want to be someone more then just a good furry porn artist. I want to be a good artist. I'll be damned if things like sleep get in my way XD

I want to thank people for dealing with my manic habits.

Most of all I want to thank two people, Mega Mahoney (Who does have an FA account apparently,  aliasi ) for her continued friendship, for being one of the best companions I could never have imagined to have at my side. Thanks for reminding me my three brain cells are enough to get the job done, thanks for putting up with my fussy behaviour, and thanks for showing me a side of kindness I'd never been able to see until I met you.

The other person is obvious,  achak ; Whom I want to thank for being such a genuine companion. I can't write enough about how much his presence as a friend means to me. Even if it's nothing more then being online, the world is a little better knowing he's around.

There are many more people, and I don't mean to exclude anyone, this sounds horribly sappy, but you all hold a special place in my thoughts. I want to make people who have faved my art, watched me, contacted me, for lack of a better word, proud.

Thank you for reading my rant. If you ever get down, sit down and just type your thoughts out. It's terribly therapeutic, so much so, it's probably illegal in some future police state xD