Your... wife.... and her... boyfriend?

Yeah...I got married 20 years ago. We had a good relationship, but ultimately my natural tendencies began to assert themselves--such tendencies being that I'm a big flaming queer! She had become enfatuated with a guy she was working with at the time...and because I was still trying to figure things out, I was sort of encouraging it. Finally I told her I was gay...her love interest got a divorce from his increasingly psychotic wife and came to live with us. I moved out of the master bedroom into a room on the other side of the house...we'll call it the MasterBATE Room. ;)

Now we have a bigger house. I live on the top floor where I have a bedroom and a studio, they live on the basement floor in a large bedroom...and the media room is down there.

And...we're still married. But I don't have a BF of my own yet.

That set up isn't...kind of... awkward? Though I guess if it works... and everyone's happy. That's the important thing. Either way, good luck with all.

Yeah, it's awkward. She is trying to cope with my being gay...and she and her BF have difficulties that makes things REALLY awkward sometimes.

It's definitely not the easiest route to take. But we've been together for over 20 years. She's still very important to me and I still feel obligated to help and protect her...as best I can.

I will say that we're better best friends than we were as mates.

Not to drool all over you, but that is some wonderful shiz right there. You just made my shitty day much better. It would be nice if there were more people like you out there.

Here here

I'm right there with you -- that's a really beautiful way to look at it.

There are.

*hugs you for being a mostly selfless person in that regard* I agree with the other poster: Wish there was more people like you

I'm fond of that kind of arrangements ;o)

Really? Interesting statement. Care to elaborate?

Life itself can be awkward. That doesn't mean that it's not right, or good, or rewarding, even if sometimes it's difficult and we want to scream, and we feel like we're flying blind without a manual.

People with "normal" relationships and marriages do sort of have a guide book, in the form of lots of generations of cultural tradition.

I have not noticed that this gives them any assurance of actually being happy or finding themselves.

What you have may be difficult, or challenging, and sometimes, you may be unhappy.

But being born is difficult, and so can dying be. But they're things you have to do to be alive.

It's okay. ; )

Kudos to all of you for your bravery.

I tried very hard to have a "normal" relationship. I got married (even tho Bel and I both believed marriage uneccesary--we did it at our parents insistence), got a job as an artist (always staff jobs for the security), bought a house...we even tried to have children, although that never happened--for which I am grateful now.

Ultimately however, I couldn't be the person I was trying to mold myself into. I couldn't be my Grandpa. Now I'm me...but with my Grandpa's baggage to a certain degree.

Heh... it's kind of funny. One of my major role-models when I was growing up was my grandfather. I really looked up to and idolized him, and we had lots of things in common... we even looked very much like physically. He was a large, bluff, blue-collar, non-nonsense guy who worked hard to have a family, house, kids, etc. He was very "man's man."

Imagine my surprise when I found out he was bi! ; )

Oh naked porn drawing, two things have never come together so beautifully.

It's only beautiful because I can't see myself. LOL

*laughs* One of those, I'd scare myself otherwise moments?

There's more to each of us than just our shapes.

In addition, a lot of what we think of as beauty is what we've been taught is beautiful, or what we alone think is beautiful, or what someone else thinks is beautiful.

These things don't change what is beautiful.

I've seen what you look like, and I think you're beautiful. Perhaps you don't look like what you think is "hot," or maybe you don't look like what you think other people think is hot.

This doesn't change or damage that which is beautiful in you, or even in what you look like.

I'm mated to a guy who looks like a model, an actor, an anime villain. He's beautiful on the inside also. I've also seen beauty in old women with potato-shaped noses (and no, not just their personality), and that beauty is just as valuable.

Sometimes, I wish I could let people look at themselves through my eyes just for a minute. : ) It would save a lot of time trying to explain.

Perhaps even our doubts or insecurities or humility lead us to greater understanding though. So I don't sweat the small stuff.

You are very right--beauty comes from within. That's why I at least try to be a good person. Since I don't feel beatiful on the outside, I try to be beatiful inside. If I were beautiful on the outside...maybe I'd be an asshole. ^0^ Ultimately I find the nicer guy more attractive than the jerk, whatever their respective body types.

I've known guys who were skinny or muscular, and are jerks. I've known guys who are chubs and bears who are as sweet as you can imagine. I've seen the reverse as well. And, interestingly, I'm not attracted to straight guys. I may find a straight guy attractive, but still be completely uninterested in him. Is this the mysterious thing called "gaydar"?

I think it must be. One of my big turn-offs is straight guys. Not turn off in that I want them to fit stereotypes of what gay looks like... straight-acting is just fine with me. I'm simply not interested in guys who aren't interested in guys, even if I like them as people, and they're good-looking. I've never really understood the fascination some gay guys seem to have with "turning" some straight guy.

Yeah, me either--you CAN'T turn a guy gay...you might find a straight guy willing to put up with something outside his experience long enough to get a blowjob, but you can't "turn" someone gay.

The corellary is that you can't make a gay person straight, either! No matter what the Conservatives think.

And I personally wouldn't want to... any more than I'd want someone trying to turn me straight!

And yeah... I think I sometimes use this as a form of gaydar... if I'm attracted to a guy, he never turns out to be straight. So far, they've pretty much always revealed to me later that they're gay or bi.

Hmm... I was wondering the same thing than Silverone, but then I figured that ye two are in a very open relation or you have let her know that ye are not attracted to girls. I have seen that before.

Anyway, back to the matter. Having some time alone its definately nice, try to enjoy as much of it as you can. I'm alone most o' the time, so I don't see it as a big deal anymore. xD

By the way, did Akai pay ye for the commission? I sent him an email.

Enjoy yer stay at home alone. =P

Please see above for explaination--I answered Silverone first.

Meanwhile, yes, Akai did--so everything's cool. If I have any specific questions I'll let you know.

Thanks again!
*hugs*

Wait what about your /wife/ and her /boyfriend/?

Please check out the reply to Silverone above.

;) It's definitely not as cool or fun as it sounds though--most of the time.

Ahah, I see. XD

Have fun =3

Yes please explain your wife's "boyfriend", unless it's a secret. And being naked is fun.

Answers are above. ^0^ Being naked would be MORE fun if I was cuter.

Somehow...i think you are not as bad as you think. ^_^

I'm not that cute, and I still like being naked... now.

I'm not horrible looking... but I'd still like being naked even if I were unattractive, and I fully intend to be a nudist even when I get old and wrinkly. Mwa ha ha!

One of the things I always wish pretty people (or those who think that only pretty people can be beautiful) would remember, is that nobody is going to get to old age and not sag, turn grey, get wrinkles, and otherwise change shape. If you only have one state of human existence that you can see as worthy, you ignore the majority of the human experience... even the experience of being alive. You even leave out the beauty found in that which isn't even the human shape.

Naked is good. Anyone who comes over to my place just accepts that I'll be at least partially nude most of the time. Cause you know, its my house, and if I don't wanna wear a shirt I don't have to :P Its funny how fast people have gotten used to the sight of my breasts.

Yeah, it's definitely weird that famle breasts are considered "obscene" when male chests have the same attributes...just a bit flatter. You'll notice that when female breasts are censored, it's the nipples that are covered. Just goes to show how stupid humans can be--thank god we're furry!!!

Oops--that should read--"female breasts" not famle-sometimes I type faster than I actually can.

My point exactly! And especially in the summer, I'll be damned if I have to sweat under my shirt while my male friends sit there topless.

Heh... heard of the "million boob march?"

In Oregon, their state constitution says that state laws cannot be made that discriminate based on gender. A few years ago, someone decided that should apply to laws about who can go topless. Men are allowed to not wear shirts, but often, local ordinances decreed that women could not go topless.

A "Million boob march" was organized in protest, saying that either the law needed to apply to men - so that men could not go out without tops, or that it needed to be stricken.

Apparently, the result is that in Oregon, it's now no longer illegal for women to go around without tops.

I like that story, and hope I have it right.

I do agree that certain _behaviors_ in public can probably result in confusion and distress for humans. It's probable that people fornicating in the streets would create difficulties.

But that doesn't mean that our bodies are dirty, that parts of our bodies are bad, or even that sexuality itself is wrong, dirty or bad. I wish people would believe that.

Hear hear! I may be a fag, but let's hear it for topless women!

America should grow up and stop being so juvenile when it somes to sex! *goes back to drawing porn and giggling at it stupidly*

I used to walk around the house naked when there was nobody home. But then two things happened:

1. My aunt and my cousin moved in with us, and my aunt is home almost all the time.

2. My mother removed the drapes from the living room window.

>.>

My condolences. *hugs you*

Squeee! NAKIE WUFFIE HUGGED ME ^_^

By the by, ever think of marrying your wife's boyfriend? ^^

He's not my type. He's not gay. And NO!!! He's hugely hung tho--I wish HE went around nekkid!

No, I meant to make it so you'd all be officially what you are unofficially ^^

She's perfectly free to divorce me and marry him if she wants. The relationship is between them--I'm just excess baggage frankly, but she's not ready to sever our tie--officially. I'm willing to wait til she is--after all, I couldn't marry MY BF--even if I had one.

*snuggle*

There's actually more to love and commitment in my book than who is sleeping with or sexually attracted to whom.

Sex is one part of what people thin of as defining marriage. But does that mean we shouldn't count loyalty, friendship, love, responsibility, financial stability (if it's there!), shared experiences, and all the other things that two (or more) committed people can share?

I try to think outside the box.

I love my adopted sister. I don't want to sleep with her, and she's asexual, so she doesn't want to sleep with anyone. This does not change our closeness or our committment to one another's happiness or well-being.

I live with a beautiful woman who I love, cook for, and help clean her house. She feeds and shelters myself and my mate. We all love each other - my mate and I are gay and not sleeping with her, but we're still a family and a household.

See this is the thing with Bel and myself--we still consider eachother family. We still love eachother.

Robert Heinlein wrote an excellent definition of "love". "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Not one word about sex, or even attraction--just happiness.

What a brilliant observation on Heinlein's part. How few of us really love.

As for beauty and no clothes, an actress made another likewise brilliant observation way back in the 1960's. She said, "The beautiful are nude, the rest of us are naked."
;)

And some of us are nekkid...to mis-quote Jeff Foxworthy.

I love Robert Heinlein! : )

Stranger in a Strange Land is my all time favorite book. I also love Number of the Beast and Time Enough for Love.

Being naked is nice. XD People are so anal about it...it's funny, sometimes. Just the way our society evolved, I 'spose.

Have a good alone-time. ^^

I think it's more a sign that our society HASn't evolved--at least, not nearly enough!

And how!

(Apologies if I am replying way too much... :grin:)

*hugs you*

Yea. Hmm. One thing, though. Do you think there would be more rape and sexual-related crimes if people went around naked whenever they wanted (like wearing hats or not; it wouldn't be thought odd), or less? o.o

Actually I think there would ultimately be LESS rape and other problems if sex and nudity were demystified. There are still small, primative communities in the world where people go about mostly uncovered, and they don't have such troubles. Of course, with a society as large as ours, the greater difficulty would be the impersonalization of most people you'd meet. We're not a country of small communities any more. I don't even know the people that live next door!

It's sort of funny. People think that sex and nudity are somehow one and the same.

Many nudists, or even people who are by circumstance publicly naked in a group - even when they're not habitual nudists - commonly remark that once everyone's naked, it's not titillating at all. Not because it's ugly or weird, but because being naked simply doesn't mean sex.

life never ceases to surprise me, anyway it seems the arragement with peace is better than a bitter divorce with insults fliying everywhere.. :>
its hard to find a win-win situation these days D:

When I came out to her, I wanted it to be as painless as possible for her. I knew she'd be hurt and afraid. We'd been together a long time and she was bound to worry about her future.

It worked, but the way we did it has created many other problems. So there you go.

Gettin' down to the wire for RainFurrest conbook submissions. I believe K'sharra is oly taking them until mid-June. We have to have the book submitted to Furnation for printing by July 1st. So if that's on your list, bump it up in priority. *snugs*

It's definitely on my list--and it has priority insofar as I hope to have them done this weekend--on the commissions, I'm just trying to get initial sketches done this weekend. *snugs back, with a grope for good measure!*

I know...people aren't connected enough in this world. There are some places that are friendly, but...others that just seem cold, sometimes. Apathy and hesitation to 'stick one's neck out there,' I guess. Even me...-.-

I think I might agree with you that there would be less rape...but who knows? I'd like to somehow look into a 'what could be' dimension to see what would happen. And about those primitive communities...heh, if you went there, would you keep wearing everything? XD

Wow, out of millions of people I have nothing but bitter distaste for, you are someone I can actually respect.

LOL I don't know that I can live up to that respect. I'll admit that there are millions in this world I have bitter distaste for as well, but mostly because they cling to ideals or habits spoonfed to them by their respective establishments and don't consider the rights or feelings of others. Each other person has exactly the same rights as I do as an individual, and they each have exactly the same responsibilities TO others as I do.

I have the same resenment towards the Bush administration as I do toward Alkida(sp?)insofar as they both think they should be allowed to run everyone else's lives whatever those others may believe or desire. Bush isn't QUITE as ruthless and evil as Bin Laden, and yet in many ways he's just as big a threat to the peace and safety of mankind.

Oh dear...you seem to have pushed one of my "he never shuts the hell up" buttons... Sorry

heh heh heh, your already showing that you can live up to my incredibly high standards. BTW its 'Al-Qaeda'

I would've made a lousy Muslum..I can't spell Middle Eastern words! ^0^

Nah, you'd just spell "Bush' wrong.
Also, its spelled 'Muslim' lol

lol

One of my primary principles in life is the idea of mutual consent in the social contract. For me, that leaves little room for tyranny. It doesn't matter to me that much who says what, or what side they think they're on. At the point where they think they get to decide how everyone else lives, and where they think they get to control how everyone else should think and feel, I have to feel like something's wrong.

At present, ANY federal administration is more dangerous to me - at present - than the Islamofascists. The feds steal money from me at the point of a gun. Like most Americans, my marginal federal tax rate (percentage of my next dollar earned that is taken by taxes) is between 45% and 50%. The so-called 25% tax bracket doesn't include the 15.3% for social insecurity and mediscam (which you must pay with after tax money, so it is really 20.4% of your before-tax income, not 15.3%.)

Of course, an Islamic Caliphate would be even worse - the tax rate might be lower, but I really don't want to be stoned to death for enjoying tailhole sex with a boyfriend.

Unfortunately, about 75% of our money taken by the feds is not spent on defense or anything else authorized by the US Constitution. Government at all levels has become a cancer that is devouring those who work for a living. America has just passed a grim tipping point: there are now fewer net taxpayers than there are people receiving more money stolen by the feds than they are paying in. That's democracy in action: two wolves sit down with a lamb and vote for whats for dinner.

When the cash flows go negative for mediscam (in just 5 years) and social insecurity (just 10), things are going to become brutal for those still working for a living - whoever is President.

That's an interesting stup you've got there, but it's cool you all are on good terms like that.

and as for being naked while alone, I can't even find my clothes. I've got some collection of sheets when others are around.

I look middle eastern. :/

Sounds more Roman. To the baths!

To the hot springs! If you ever come to visit my private hot springs in central Nevada, you don't need no stinkin clothes. If you visited my home. I wouldn't have to get dressed either.

I just like you more and more!

If anyone gets the chance to visit the Cougar Hot Springs, in Oregon, I say go for it.

I like what you have written very much. You are invited to my private hot springs, too. They are in a 600 square mile valley with a population of zero - not counting the wild horses and coyotes. I hope that you will be visiting Nevada some day.

Oh... I'll probably be back through there quite a few times. Thanks for the offer!
: )

I think I can put up with some wild horses and coyotes. ; )

Wonderful! Send me a FA Private Note before your next trip, and I'll tell you how to get here.

It doesn't really have anything to do with courage--trust me, I'm the biggest coward out there. I ahven't even come out to my parents--but that's another discussion.

It was difficult and scary to come out to her, but not because I thought she'd be angry, but because I knew she'd be hurt. And I never wanted to hurt her--ever.

It's part of what makes us so neurotic! We should be more erotic instead!

Now there's a quote for the scrapbook! And advice definitely worth considering, as well.

I'd also like to add my voice to the growing sentiment of being impressed by and appreciative of your arrangement with your wife and boyfriend. Like you said, it's not without its problems, but it still sounds like an open and honest relationship, which is no small accomplishment. Kudos and best of luck to you three in the future, however it turns out.

Thanks...I'll take it--we need all the luck we can get! It definitely ain't no bed of roses...mostly just thorns. When they have troubles, it bothers me. And the openess is mostly between me and her. He and I tolerate eachother mostly...and we TRY to respect eachother and deal...but sometimes we all clash.

Heh, we all need time to ourselves once and awhile. And I'm glad you get to relax and enjoy some quiet time. I hope you make the best of it and relax and just enjoy doing what you do. I don't think I need to elaborate or encourage for your current set up, sinse I'm sure everyone else has said anything I could have said. But you just take care of yourself and your life as best you can, thats all anyone of us can do.

*hugs and smiles*

I took care of myself earlier today, in fact! *EG*

Well do it more than once and in different places. XD

wow living with ur wife AND her boyfriend is something u dont see everyday :o
what's better, they accept u! i'd say ur one of the luckiest person alive to have such an understanding wife :)

We are very close friends--and perhaps that's all we ever should have been, but when we got together I was so deep in denial that the thought that I could be gay didn't occur to me. The most I was ever willing to concede originally was that I "might have bisexual tendencies--but mostly straight". But I honestly believe that the older one gets, the more one becomes what they really are--your personality becomes more deeply ingrained and finally I could no longer even pretend I wasn't gay--even to myself.

The funny thing is--she's always had gay friends. She's a total fag hag, and she always gets crushes on sexually questionable characters. She used to be hot for Boy George for example.

So yeah, I'm lucky that she's understanding. In a way, she saw it coming before I did.

yup u definitely are one of the luckiest guy in the world :3

Wow.

My situations not THAT messed up buts kinda screwed. I live with three other gay furs. One of them I had sex with but freaked out and backed out of the beginnings of a relationship [it was right after a breakup] Then, I live with that same guys boyfriend. They are in an open relationship and he wanted to fool around with me. We got drunk one night and did. then there was a a drunken orgy with all of my room mates me and some friends XD


Yeah sometimes we give each other weird looks LOL

Wow...on second thought--I wanna trade with you!

yeah

:3

It not that cool. Cause the guy I was suppose to date first but backed out. He hates me :(

I'm still interested in a commission if you're still taking them when you're done with everyone else. :D

But yeah, I can definitely understand the feeling of "Finally, now I can sit down and get things -done.-" I have such a backlog of personal projects...very refreshing when I can actually take care of a few.

I look forward to it. *hugs*

*Stunned* Holy cow, open-minded people! I was beginning to think you guys went extinct!

I absolutely agree. People are far too hung up on nudity. Have fun drawing porn!

~GR

This is why I like porn! I could draw people fighting and killing each other--in fact, I have draw such things in some of my comics. I prefer drawing naked characters having fun. Is that so wrong?

Not at all! We need more naked people having fun! XD (Naked people with fewer social hang-ups, that is)

~GR

No. It often bothers me that violence is considered more appropriate to depict that sexuality.

Violence is a lot less likely to be life-affirming (not that it never is), and sexuality is a lot more likely to depict something life-affirming (not that it always is).

Violence usually gives us things like mistrust, fear, spilled blood, bruises and bullet-holes.

Sexuality can give us confusion, but it can also give us pleasure, and closeness, and in some cases, continuation of the species. ; )

I always knew I was gay.... but in latin men... it's still taboo. I couldn't live a lie... and since I didn't care for my father, came out to him at age of 17. His reaction... typical... take you to the psychiatrist to get you cured.

I had the perfect answer... I replied, "I've already been to a psychiatrist... remember? When you and Mom were getting a divorce, the judge had us examined by a court appointed psychiatrist. You remember what he said? My sister and I were the only ones that were "normal". You and Mom needed help.

That was the end of that... and I've never regret it.
My Mom eventually figured it out. All she cared that I be safe and be happy. God I miss her. sigh.

I wish I'd really understood when I was young that I was gay. I know looking back that I always was, but I always managed to fool myself about the clues that seem so obvious now.

*sigh* Would've made things much simpler...in some ways anyhow. I DID grow up in Texas, after all, so there probably would have been other problems.

Some of the most open, and even flamboyant gay guys I know are latin men. Yes... people in their culture might call them names, but usually their moms still love them. : )

So do their dad's, even if they can't bring themselves to admit it, or accept the gay thing.

I suspect that in some cultures, being gay is more of a challenge, due to the expectations, or perceived expecations of that culture. But I've known quite a few openly gay latin guys, and if anything, they've done it with flair, even brought something of being amazingly latin to being amaszingly gay.

Do you know how much i would love to see you running around naked?

One of these days Im gonna get you to realize not everyone loves horse hung toned gym bunnies.

Some of us like real men.

AMEN, BROTHER! :-D

I like real men too... It isn't really gym bunnies I like so much as cute twik types. I just don't find myself attractive. It must be an internal thing however, because I clearly remember feeling that I was fat and flabby and ugly at specific times in my youth, and I look at pictures from those same times and I was skinny as a rail and kindof cute.

My mate is a cute "twink" type, and he doesn't find people of his body type sexy. He's gorgeous, but people that look like him are not his cup of tea.

Think about it though... how many straight people are attracted to the person they see in the mirror? It's not terribly unusual to not be attracted to one's own body type. What you look like, and what you're attracted to can be different, without there being anything wrong with how you look, right?

That's actually very true--I've noticed that many bears have mates that are "cubs", so classified because they are hot for bears but aren't really bears themselves--in the classic sense.

My FWB is an acknowledged cub who is into bears and doesn't really care for his own body type.

I have to say tho--I've had fun with bears too, and have found many of them quite appealing, but I'm most visually attracted to the cub or the twink type.

I'm suddenly starting to wonder why I spend most of my time clothed... o.o I happen to live by myself behind a set of thick curtains on the top floor of a three-storey building afterall... Hmmm... >.>;;

Ahem, you have lots and lots of fun doing parades in your birth-uniform around the house :3

So you think you're not attractive when you're naked? Do you realize just how much that statement is going to make guys like me say, "Let me be the judge of that"?

A guy's sexiness is not necessarily determined by their body type or how long their penis is. Some of the sexiest guys I've know do not fit the "male ideal". There are so many "X-factors" that come into play that determine how attractive/sexy a guy is. It's just one of those things that you really can't define...you know it when you see it, though.

And I can't echo what Fuzzbear said nearly enough.

Maybe he just isn't attracted to his body type, without thinking that it's unattractive. : )

Wow. That's a heck of a situation - not necessarily in a good way, obviously, but I have to say, you're being damn understanding and considerate of her emotions, especially when you still have to sort your own. I tip my hat to you sir, and hope that you remain best friends with her, and find your own new happiness as well. Enjoy the solitude and the freedom of your house for a bit.

And when you do find that someone, don't worry. He will make you feel attractive. ;)

Good on ya man... if that's the way things work best fer all involved then that's the best way ta do'em! I'm seen other relationships-situations/livin' arrangements that may've seemed odd ta other people... hell, some people still can't even concieve of any other same-sex or other alternative lifestyles as bein' compatably functional...

An I also agree able the naturalist thing... if it weren't fer cold weather I'd be naked 24/7 365! ;)

Marianne is playing here in Portland? -chuckles- Sorry couldn't resist.

Kudos to me-time [in this case "me" being you]! It can be bothersome if there's too much of it, but it's a lifesaver otherwise.

Nothing wrong with a little chub. Hell, there's an entire scene for chubby guys. And personally, I think skinny guys, and even most toned guys, look kinda' shapeless and uninteresting.

I'd put an "Erotic not Neurotic" bumper sticker on my car if there was such a thing :3

Your stairway to an independent heaven:

For both psychological and practical reasons, may I suggest that you build an exterior stairway up to your floor of your home? Having your own entrance and exit will be psychologically very liberating. You will be able to come and go without necessarily interacting with the pair downstairs. That is important for your happyness - your home's archetecture should not govern your social relations. You should see them only when you wish to do so - not every time you go for a walk.

As a practical matter, a private stairway to your floor would make it possible to invite friends - including potential and actual boyfriends - to your home without subjecting them to the stress of a social situation which would almost certainly make them uncomfortable. Very few people have any experience with a situation like yours, or feel confident that they would know how to interact with the pair. A private way to get to your floor would make things easier for both your guests and the pair downstairs. Effectively, a private entrance would make your home into a duplex - to whatever extent you wished - rather than a sometimes awkward commune.

You probably live in an area where you will have to get a building permit to do this. Don't mention either the word "duplex" or say anything about anyone other than your wife living in your home. That would probably be illegal under single family residence zoning laws. The magic words are "fire safety"!

I think I should install a catapult! I'm sick of all the damn stairs we've got NOW. I'm a big boy, and a load to haul up to the top floor as it is...

Seriously, we looked long and hard to find a house suitable to our weird little family grouping. We looked at a couple of places with "Mother-in-Law" type apartments, but they didn't work out. And I don't want to completely lose touch. As it is, I don't see that much of Bel...some evenings I don't see him at all, but I check in with her to at least say hi.

Also, they are on the lower floor--there's a common floor between us which has the kitchen, office and formal living room. So I don't have to tromp through their area to get to my Lair. We lived for several years in my (and Bel's) old place, which was a manufactured home, on one level and I was in a room WITH all my art stuff that was half the size of the room I have now, not to mention the separate studio... I think I've got it pretty good. The only real obstacle I may face getting a boyfriend--aside from actually finding one--might be if Bel doesn't like him, or thinks he's not right for me.

On the other hand--I AM a little concerned about safety. There is NO other way than the spiral staircase to get down from the top floor--at all. Every window has a pretty high drop. I should at least install an emergency rope latter.

A rope ladder won't help you to save your lifetime of art in case of a fire, and if you have inhaled some smoke already, it could kill you. Rope ladders are tricky to use under the best of conditions - I've used them. I avoid them like the plague! Think "dark rainy windy cold night, dizzy with lungs full of smoke..."

And whether Bel likes a prospective boyfriend will be a lot less urgent with your own stairway. Moreover, if I were a prospective boyfriend, I wouldn't want to have to even consider whether I met with third party approval. Your approval would be what I would be seeking. Your own stairway means both safety for you and for a lifetime of your art, and real independence.

Am I correct in thinking that you are providing most or all of the household income? If so, DO IT!!!

For one thing, this will greatly increase your psychological bargining power with the pair. It will be an unmistakable declaration of independance on your part.

Your own stairway means that you set the house rules in your part of the house. If we lived nearer eachother, I'd be seriously considering making a pass at you - but at my place, not one where I would be subject to a third party's inspection.

An unenclosed exterior stairway is about the cheapest home improvement there is. If you would have a nice view from the stairway, may I suggest a nice 8'x16' balcony/porch at the top of the stairs?

*pouts* But I always WANTED a rope ladder!

Actually--Bel makes more than me, especially since I haven't been pulling in any scratch on the side from WotC lately! We went all the way to the wall on this one--we have zero money for extra construction. Also--if I did put an outer stairway on, there'd be no room for a deck of any sort--it'd have to hug the wall like a tenament building. LOL

Sorry Bel scares you off. ;)