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Another Day
18 years ago
...and I'm still living in the regrets of the past...
I can't stop thinking about those that hurt me. About how they don't understand...Or if they do, how cruel it was and just...
It seems as if all the people I let close to me betray me, and some without even knowing it. THose people end up pushing the blame on me, and THEY act the victims....
I just keep thinking about a guy I used to know. He was totally sweet... We started to develope a thing for eachother,but I was in a relationship. We figured we would meet at FurtherConfusion and see how things went. We talked for a while, and it was really nice. THen he started to ignore me... And then I get an email saying how he doesn't think he can be as monogamous as he said, and he continues to say that he's not interested in girls anymore, basically, because he got badly burned. This really, really hurt... Then every little journal entry of his I see is whining about how he doesn't have a boyfriend, etc. and then he shifts from only being into girls with a slight bi side, to being totally gay, and actually AGREEING with someone on misogyny.... Even though I was upset for a while, I still tried to be his friend, and we did meet at FC. He was nice at first, but whoa. He totally lied about how he looked...His fursona is lean, and a total stud, but he... Looked quite different. That also hurt. But yeah...So at frist he was nice, but then he totally ditched me the rest of the time....Once his couple-best friends came around...and after that he wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't comment on my art, not anything. I said some spiteful things, but that really hurt....A lot.
I'm sick and tired of seeing people changing their identity, changing their sexuality, everything, just because of a bad event. THat is NOT grounds for "changing" something that...You really can't change. I just wish that sometimes people would wake up, and realize how foolish and immature that is. I've known so many "gay" furries who aren't really gay- they just have that idea in their heads, because they; can't get a girl, had a bad experience with a girl, or think that all the fandom is is ga y men. I've had this confession from a bunch of them, I'm not making this up. I've heard crude and immature things about females so many times coming from the mouths of gay men...So when I see a gay guy who REALLY is gay, and not just sexist, I let him know that I really appreciate, and respect him.
Anyway...So the saga with one of my now ex friends' stealing my characters continues. She's/he's done it about four times....and it really hurts, and makes a mockery out of me. She said I was vindictive...I did NOTHING to gain revenge. If she had only ASKED me about what I had written, and learnt that it wasn't about her, than maybe she wouldn't have had to blow our friendship for some crazy delusions....
I keep seeing character designs that are really similar to my old characters, and it really does hurt, because they are very specific characters.... I'm positive that it's not just coincidence, especially given who the people are. I'm extremely offended, and shamed by this.
I'm so lonely, it's almost unbearable. I'll be going off to college soon, and I highly doubt I'll meet anyone that agrees with my views, and has common interests. Ever. I can't seem to find people into underground/non-mainstream type things that I get along with, or that don't support the things I don't support. THis has left me in agony.... I have no one to communicate with. Everyone that I do have is always too busy, or never picks up their phone, or, I think, secretly dislikes me. I'm really starting to think that my best friend could care less if I was alive, or dead. She has her own clique now, and I'm not really part of it I guess....
I wish I could find a pack- somewhere where I belong, where I am not judged, and where there is no need for me to judge anyone else.
I can't bear this heartache much longer... I don't want to get into my mental issues, because I don't want a pity party over those...and I also don't want to hear "oh, just change." or things like that. You have no idea just how hard it is to go through the shit I go through. Just like I have no idea about what anyone else is going through- but then again, no one ever trusts me enough to open up to me...and I never understood that because I have a good track record for trust.
Things seem... Pointless. Why am I even continuing to try at anything at all?
I can't stop thinking about those that hurt me. About how they don't understand...Or if they do, how cruel it was and just...
It seems as if all the people I let close to me betray me, and some without even knowing it. THose people end up pushing the blame on me, and THEY act the victims....
I just keep thinking about a guy I used to know. He was totally sweet... We started to develope a thing for eachother,but I was in a relationship. We figured we would meet at FurtherConfusion and see how things went. We talked for a while, and it was really nice. THen he started to ignore me... And then I get an email saying how he doesn't think he can be as monogamous as he said, and he continues to say that he's not interested in girls anymore, basically, because he got badly burned. This really, really hurt... Then every little journal entry of his I see is whining about how he doesn't have a boyfriend, etc. and then he shifts from only being into girls with a slight bi side, to being totally gay, and actually AGREEING with someone on misogyny.... Even though I was upset for a while, I still tried to be his friend, and we did meet at FC. He was nice at first, but whoa. He totally lied about how he looked...His fursona is lean, and a total stud, but he... Looked quite different. That also hurt. But yeah...So at frist he was nice, but then he totally ditched me the rest of the time....Once his couple-best friends came around...and after that he wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't comment on my art, not anything. I said some spiteful things, but that really hurt....A lot.
I'm sick and tired of seeing people changing their identity, changing their sexuality, everything, just because of a bad event. THat is NOT grounds for "changing" something that...You really can't change. I just wish that sometimes people would wake up, and realize how foolish and immature that is. I've known so many "gay" furries who aren't really gay- they just have that idea in their heads, because they; can't get a girl, had a bad experience with a girl, or think that all the fandom is is ga y men. I've had this confession from a bunch of them, I'm not making this up. I've heard crude and immature things about females so many times coming from the mouths of gay men...So when I see a gay guy who REALLY is gay, and not just sexist, I let him know that I really appreciate, and respect him.
Anyway...So the saga with one of my now ex friends' stealing my characters continues. She's/he's done it about four times....and it really hurts, and makes a mockery out of me. She said I was vindictive...I did NOTHING to gain revenge. If she had only ASKED me about what I had written, and learnt that it wasn't about her, than maybe she wouldn't have had to blow our friendship for some crazy delusions....
I keep seeing character designs that are really similar to my old characters, and it really does hurt, because they are very specific characters.... I'm positive that it's not just coincidence, especially given who the people are. I'm extremely offended, and shamed by this.
I'm so lonely, it's almost unbearable. I'll be going off to college soon, and I highly doubt I'll meet anyone that agrees with my views, and has common interests. Ever. I can't seem to find people into underground/non-mainstream type things that I get along with, or that don't support the things I don't support. THis has left me in agony.... I have no one to communicate with. Everyone that I do have is always too busy, or never picks up their phone, or, I think, secretly dislikes me. I'm really starting to think that my best friend could care less if I was alive, or dead. She has her own clique now, and I'm not really part of it I guess....
I wish I could find a pack- somewhere where I belong, where I am not judged, and where there is no need for me to judge anyone else.
I can't bear this heartache much longer... I don't want to get into my mental issues, because I don't want a pity party over those...and I also don't want to hear "oh, just change." or things like that. You have no idea just how hard it is to go through the shit I go through. Just like I have no idea about what anyone else is going through- but then again, no one ever trusts me enough to open up to me...and I never understood that because I have a good track record for trust.
Things seem... Pointless. Why am I even continuing to try at anything at all?
Best I can tell you is to thine on self be true. Fuck the rest
Why do you think... I am the way I am. Thats the only other I can trust without a doubt
I also don't believe that people can change their sexuality. They can claim that they're straight or gay or whatever, but I guess that when they talk about their sexuality they're mainly just trying to explain these things to themselves.
As for the ex-friend plagiating your work... Well, I think you're better off without this person. I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends in college. It's pretty simple as long as you give people a chance to get to know you.