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State of the Kitty Address
15 years ago
General
See my exposition/gallery website!
Info on prices and skillset there, as well as my best examples.
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/XuncuFla.....teV2/home.html
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/Flash%20.....uncu_flash.htm
Info on prices and skillset there, as well as my best examples.
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/XuncuFla.....teV2/home.html
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/Flash%20.....uncu_flash.htm
It occurs to me in recent years that my art production has dramatically dropped, mainly due to lack of time (University) and motivation.
The few people who keep an eye on me like me for me.
Those few who really know me, my self-esteem issues, may be happy to hear that I recognise that, even if I forget sometimes.
But as for the art, it is difficult to be noticed and known for it, unless you're Ultra-A-List, in which personality is irrelivant (those in the know know exactly which superficial dumbass I referr to), or those who's skill at the social game is also of elite level.
I find myself, that my progress as an artist is easly outpaced, and my skills as a socializer are either skills I lack, or actively do not wish to use; I do not want to play many of the social "games"--- games, that, ultimatley, define socializing; I view those games as just another event in the Popularity Contest, for example. I could, and would not, maintain what are essentially lies about who I am.
I will still art.
But, as I have no-one to art for; no business, no comissions, no fanbase that I can appeal to for such work.
Thus, any future art would be for myself, half because I choose to, and the other half because the other option; for it to be for someone else; is nonexistant.
Thus, as it has been these last few years; a hobby, for fun, on occasion.
As much as I'd like to make a carreer in art, I, like any Man of Science, recognised failure as an always immediate outcome, and had planned for the occupation, to mantain my life, will probably be Pharmecutical, having field experience working in a CVS Pharmacy.
As for my real-life now, I am currently not working, as I wish to finish getting "a" degree, from "a" university (going to my current campus, as opposed to the City College, while it would have been cheaper, just having "University" instead of "City College" on "a" degree is more "useful"). My major is art, and while I have done a few works and projects for those classes, I had only felt enough drive to finish them for class, and have not posted a significant amount of those works on here or any other of my gallery pages.
I also notice that the few works of mine that I am noticed for are not the ones I intended: In Deviant Art, my most faved items are a picture of someone else's cosplay of Pyramid Head, and a throw-away work; a piniata of Megaman, which was made right off a printout of the 8-bit sprite. Neither are sterling examples of my own creativity. In the classworks, the most commented peice of mine was a semi-improvised "use a broom like a big wetbrush to write a poem on the sidewalk" performance. It, as the teacher of that class said; "gathered the biggest croud out of any of those performances, ever."
And I don't remember what I wrote, that performaced somewhat hastly tossed together; the project was meant to be a group project, and both of the two I was paired with crapped out on me; it was just me, a broom, and a bucket of water on a sidewalk that turns dark when it gets wet.
To summarize...
Hm..
I am unmotivated, tired, but some ways off from questioning "Why do I bother."
For example: I'm a 24-year-old man, and when not homeworking, I spend hours and hours gaming and watching movies n' anime on my Netflix. I do not question my desire to play and watch, but I know it can be, easly, questioned.
It is late, I have class all afternoon tomorrow, but gotta leave early, because I have a cavity and no dental insurance and need to figure out what to do about it.
Goodnight.
The few people who keep an eye on me like me for me.
Those few who really know me, my self-esteem issues, may be happy to hear that I recognise that, even if I forget sometimes.
But as for the art, it is difficult to be noticed and known for it, unless you're Ultra-A-List, in which personality is irrelivant (those in the know know exactly which superficial dumbass I referr to), or those who's skill at the social game is also of elite level.
I find myself, that my progress as an artist is easly outpaced, and my skills as a socializer are either skills I lack, or actively do not wish to use; I do not want to play many of the social "games"--- games, that, ultimatley, define socializing; I view those games as just another event in the Popularity Contest, for example. I could, and would not, maintain what are essentially lies about who I am.
I will still art.
But, as I have no-one to art for; no business, no comissions, no fanbase that I can appeal to for such work.
Thus, any future art would be for myself, half because I choose to, and the other half because the other option; for it to be for someone else; is nonexistant.
Thus, as it has been these last few years; a hobby, for fun, on occasion.
As much as I'd like to make a carreer in art, I, like any Man of Science, recognised failure as an always immediate outcome, and had planned for the occupation, to mantain my life, will probably be Pharmecutical, having field experience working in a CVS Pharmacy.
As for my real-life now, I am currently not working, as I wish to finish getting "a" degree, from "a" university (going to my current campus, as opposed to the City College, while it would have been cheaper, just having "University" instead of "City College" on "a" degree is more "useful"). My major is art, and while I have done a few works and projects for those classes, I had only felt enough drive to finish them for class, and have not posted a significant amount of those works on here or any other of my gallery pages.
I also notice that the few works of mine that I am noticed for are not the ones I intended: In Deviant Art, my most faved items are a picture of someone else's cosplay of Pyramid Head, and a throw-away work; a piniata of Megaman, which was made right off a printout of the 8-bit sprite. Neither are sterling examples of my own creativity. In the classworks, the most commented peice of mine was a semi-improvised "use a broom like a big wetbrush to write a poem on the sidewalk" performance. It, as the teacher of that class said; "gathered the biggest croud out of any of those performances, ever."
And I don't remember what I wrote, that performaced somewhat hastly tossed together; the project was meant to be a group project, and both of the two I was paired with crapped out on me; it was just me, a broom, and a bucket of water on a sidewalk that turns dark when it gets wet.
To summarize...
Hm..
I am unmotivated, tired, but some ways off from questioning "Why do I bother."
For example: I'm a 24-year-old man, and when not homeworking, I spend hours and hours gaming and watching movies n' anime on my Netflix. I do not question my desire to play and watch, but I know it can be, easly, questioned.
It is late, I have class all afternoon tomorrow, but gotta leave early, because I have a cavity and no dental insurance and need to figure out what to do about it.
Goodnight.
Seems to me that you're going through a change in which the result is you do not desire to work on your art as much anymore, and instead put your time and effort into something else. That's good that you're accepting this, instead of resisting it.
I'm not sure if you need encouragement or consolation. You seem to be on track with yourself......
Are you, having trouble accepting that you are willing to accept it?
Trouble accepting that I'm so accpeting: I think that's the case.
Like I said, it's nice to realize that I'm liked for me, but that's me as a friend.
Me, the artist, is not so.
I want to be noticed for my art, but don't have the skills either way to make people care, or even bother to look.
For example, me the artist is upset not that you have so many more pageviwes than I, but why you have so many pageviews, so much more commentary on your art, when considering our skill levels. I see ("feel") that the reason is, ultimatley, your "social experiment" you've been running in open secret all this time, is the reason you are so popular and given attention to, David.
Like I tried to prompt you to say my name in SL, and I blathered a bit about how I had a real "preception filter"; that was a half-assed attempt at my own little "social experiment": that they would not preceive my existance, even if you told them of me, a la the Dr Who preception filters. Those parties, I was imagining huge crouds of people hanging on every word of yoru slut-bunny. Want to see how far I am "outside exisiting."
And not letting anyone down by not arting: Again, the Artist In Me actually hated hearing that, knowing it to be actually true, that it's another way of saying: nobody would/has notice(d) or care(d) if/that I stopped arting.
Maybe, when I feel I have a long enough moment that I don't feel like indulging in more of the disctractions I've been parkating recently, or tired beyond care, I'll post a splooge of the class assignment peices I've been backlogged on. As for 100% origional; some ideas I may make or not, but again: who'd care?
I may make them anyways, but for the whole of who will notice, what different would it be if I only e-mailed it to friends, and never posted publically.
Some ways off from questioning "Why do I bother at all.", but already "Why do I bother posting it?"
I wasn't hiding you from the people in SL, because the party wasn't working, there was no real point. I was more interested in trying to get things together there first.
I actually 'did' let people know about you visiting during that party days in advance.