I am feeling very melancholy right now, and I'm really not 100 % sure why. It is really frustrating because I've had a lot of fun recently between all the parties and hanging out I've done, but at the same time, there is just this general since of ennui that I can't seem to escape... Well, hopefully the party this weekend will knock me out of this funk. Honestly if watching a bunch of classic somewhat campy slasher movies with 20 or so of my friends can't knock me out of this funk, then nothing can.

Meh, I think I just need to focus on the good. I've got a fantastic boyfriend, excellent friends, a good home, an awesome collection of Lucario stuff, and I'm actually really glad I moved to Seattle. I've done so many things since I moved here that I never would have been able to do in Arizona. It's also even brought me out of my shell a little bit. Not an easy task! Honestly, it is hard for me to be social. I remember it used to come so much easier, and I used to just like everyone, but now, it is hard for me. I don't know why. I kind of had a complete change of personality back in 2003 when everything fell apart... Honestly, this is the closest I've ever gotten to being like I was back then.

I think maybe part of this stupid feeling I have is fear. I'm happy with my life, so I kind of half expect everything to just fall apart. It's so dumb that I can still let things that happened so long ago fuck with me that much, but honestly I do think that is part of the problem. The other part is work, and just this feeling of disdain I've had for my job and my boss since my review, and then the whole taking the bonus back.

Meh.. I just need to relax. Maybe draw, and listen to some music. I just not sure I'm going to have a chance to do so anytime soon. Maybe Sunday after the party...