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Lion Ramblings!
15 years ago
Howdy!
Well, i'm feeling well like shit right now. Again, i'm told writing things makes you feel better. So here it goes. I've already actually started working on a new writing experiment about a Jock Tiger and an Academic Panther,...dealing with anthropology and gay stuff of course. We'll see how that goes, but I can't write at the moment cause I just don't feel happy or like writing.
Perhaps some think this is just a poor pitiful me post. Well it is, cause you're supposed to write it out and make you feel better so this is personal self help therapy? Anyways.... where to start. I woke up this morning all congested and crap debating if I wanted to go to class. I felt really tired and said screw it, I don't wanna go to Civil War class today. It isn't so much of a bad thing as i'm very fluent in Civil War history. So I slept past lunchtime and missed the Indian food that I was gonna treat myself to today.
I've been wanting to start working out again, but I just haven't had a day that I've felt good enough to put myself through that torture. I know I need to do it I just need someone here to motivate me. Hell, motivation in general is needed, and that "oh well you're making yourself healthier or look better" crap can go fuck itself. I've been procrastinating going to the grocery store as all the blacks and mexicans (sorry not gonna be politically correct if I offend,... well it's not meant to offend so dont get offended), anyways all the blacks and mexicans here at HEB crowd up the alleyways and scream at their kids. I wanna tell one of them "Ma'am it doesn't matter how many languages you scream at your children unless you beat their ass they're going to continue to run rampant amongst the store and scream their head off" So.... I've been eating rather even more unhealthier.
On perhaps a better note, I have this... BDSM group party i'm supposed to go to tomorrow night. It's a fun safe non sex environment for which people to explore certain fetishes. Being the only gay guy in the group means I have to rely on females to experience these things as the males cannot bring it upon themselves to do things to another male. Now,... this isn't much of a problem except my "dom" and I put this in quotes cause.... she only has that title in respect of when we are in a scene. However, she's tending to take her "dom" ness a bit to seriously. Now I WOULD explain to her the problem...except well, how do I say this... she's a female. If you bring up one point against the female they will continue to hound you about it and use it against you WAY after the argument has taken place. She likes to act like a dom over me, which I absolutely despise the domination act except from one guy who manages to pull it of as just normal, he knows who he is. Anyways this female ....likes to act all dom and wants everyone to treat her like a dom, except when you tell her some things as a Dom she gets pissy like a submissive and goes and pouts and then well shit just goes down hill.
I was asked to go to dinner tonight at 5pm. Everyone was supposed to arrive at 7 and we go to dinner promptly after. After 12 txts of me going WTF @ 8:30pm I finally just call the person. We're supposed to have a group of 15 when I actually get to the restaurant it's me, the dom acting female, and this guy that drove up to see her. She tells me she didn't want to invite anyone else. Well..... you ever feel like a third wheel? I swear I was basically sitting at a different table! So.... now I got to put up with her at tomorrows play party. I'm sorta looking forward to it, but also sorta not cause I'm not sure if I trust her to keep her personal feelings OUT when she is trying to do her scene with me.
On the another note. I'm lonely as usual. My friend with benefits system dried up when my friends suddenly get boyfriends, this has happened with all of them in less then 2 weeks all together. That's leaving one helluva pent up lion. I'm sorry my paw, porn, and a fleshjack just ain't managing to satisfy. I also keep wanting to post on sex sites, but I value my disease freeness way to much, so I continue to go without sex. I personally am proud of myself for doing so, however.... I find the more I go without sex the more stress I go under, the more I POP at people, and the more frantic and jittery I am.
Also,... DAMN DISNEY for they're marketing genious (thanks Rapier) on making a "Vault" and putting films in it and only making them available for certain times. I want "The Lion King" on dvd thanks to my recent hanging out with
lyonlover I have had a revitalized interest in lions. The panther thing has almost died (thank god, i was getting worried) and I am back on track for a love of lions. I want the DVD of "The Lion King" I also want the other soundtracks and CD's that go with it. I'm also again starting to find feral lions hot... (Simba....HOTNESS) and have been wanting to find more Lion King Gay fiction sites or just Lion King Gay Fiction Stories at all.
Well, I think that's about all the stuff I wanna admit to that I'm feeling at the moment. I'm all jangled up and not sure exactly what else I'm frustrated on. I do know that I'm done looking for a boyfriend. I'm just looking for friends now and hopefully to restore a friends with benefits system. I just want friends to start hanging out with and doing things. I wanna go to the pool hall at nights. I wanna go do putt putt gold for the helluva it. Laser tag would be fun. I'd REALLY love to go camping now that the weather is turning nice again. I wanna surround myself with good friendly people that aren't social misfits, addicted to substances, or just plain stupid. I want to have religious discussions that are friendly so I can talk about my own search for it. I want to have friendly political discussions again, I had so much fun discussing politics and other types of "hot" discussion with a friend who also got me addicted to that Max Colberg report....he knows who he is. Anyways, I miss having that type of friendship and discussions of people to just be around.
I used to only surround myself with people I wanted to stick my cock in. That's....not so great to be honest. Most were poor health, substance addicted, anti establishment people that provided a supreme hatred and stereotyping of furrys to me. I've finally realized sex isn't making me happy,....it does make me able to keep my sanity, but I don't want to keep trying to surround myself with people I want to have sex with. So... I think i'm finished blabbering on unless I go off on another tangent again...
Cheers,
Sabian IV
Well, i'm feeling well like shit right now. Again, i'm told writing things makes you feel better. So here it goes. I've already actually started working on a new writing experiment about a Jock Tiger and an Academic Panther,...dealing with anthropology and gay stuff of course. We'll see how that goes, but I can't write at the moment cause I just don't feel happy or like writing.
Perhaps some think this is just a poor pitiful me post. Well it is, cause you're supposed to write it out and make you feel better so this is personal self help therapy? Anyways.... where to start. I woke up this morning all congested and crap debating if I wanted to go to class. I felt really tired and said screw it, I don't wanna go to Civil War class today. It isn't so much of a bad thing as i'm very fluent in Civil War history. So I slept past lunchtime and missed the Indian food that I was gonna treat myself to today.
I've been wanting to start working out again, but I just haven't had a day that I've felt good enough to put myself through that torture. I know I need to do it I just need someone here to motivate me. Hell, motivation in general is needed, and that "oh well you're making yourself healthier or look better" crap can go fuck itself. I've been procrastinating going to the grocery store as all the blacks and mexicans (sorry not gonna be politically correct if I offend,... well it's not meant to offend so dont get offended), anyways all the blacks and mexicans here at HEB crowd up the alleyways and scream at their kids. I wanna tell one of them "Ma'am it doesn't matter how many languages you scream at your children unless you beat their ass they're going to continue to run rampant amongst the store and scream their head off" So.... I've been eating rather even more unhealthier.
On perhaps a better note, I have this... BDSM group party i'm supposed to go to tomorrow night. It's a fun safe non sex environment for which people to explore certain fetishes. Being the only gay guy in the group means I have to rely on females to experience these things as the males cannot bring it upon themselves to do things to another male. Now,... this isn't much of a problem except my "dom" and I put this in quotes cause.... she only has that title in respect of when we are in a scene. However, she's tending to take her "dom" ness a bit to seriously. Now I WOULD explain to her the problem...except well, how do I say this... she's a female. If you bring up one point against the female they will continue to hound you about it and use it against you WAY after the argument has taken place. She likes to act like a dom over me, which I absolutely despise the domination act except from one guy who manages to pull it of as just normal, he knows who he is. Anyways this female ....likes to act all dom and wants everyone to treat her like a dom, except when you tell her some things as a Dom she gets pissy like a submissive and goes and pouts and then well shit just goes down hill.
I was asked to go to dinner tonight at 5pm. Everyone was supposed to arrive at 7 and we go to dinner promptly after. After 12 txts of me going WTF @ 8:30pm I finally just call the person. We're supposed to have a group of 15 when I actually get to the restaurant it's me, the dom acting female, and this guy that drove up to see her. She tells me she didn't want to invite anyone else. Well..... you ever feel like a third wheel? I swear I was basically sitting at a different table! So.... now I got to put up with her at tomorrows play party. I'm sorta looking forward to it, but also sorta not cause I'm not sure if I trust her to keep her personal feelings OUT when she is trying to do her scene with me.
On the another note. I'm lonely as usual. My friend with benefits system dried up when my friends suddenly get boyfriends, this has happened with all of them in less then 2 weeks all together. That's leaving one helluva pent up lion. I'm sorry my paw, porn, and a fleshjack just ain't managing to satisfy. I also keep wanting to post on sex sites, but I value my disease freeness way to much, so I continue to go without sex. I personally am proud of myself for doing so, however.... I find the more I go without sex the more stress I go under, the more I POP at people, and the more frantic and jittery I am.
Also,... DAMN DISNEY for they're marketing genious (thanks Rapier) on making a "Vault" and putting films in it and only making them available for certain times. I want "The Lion King" on dvd thanks to my recent hanging out with
lyonlover I have had a revitalized interest in lions. The panther thing has almost died (thank god, i was getting worried) and I am back on track for a love of lions. I want the DVD of "The Lion King" I also want the other soundtracks and CD's that go with it. I'm also again starting to find feral lions hot... (Simba....HOTNESS) and have been wanting to find more Lion King Gay fiction sites or just Lion King Gay Fiction Stories at all. Well, I think that's about all the stuff I wanna admit to that I'm feeling at the moment. I'm all jangled up and not sure exactly what else I'm frustrated on. I do know that I'm done looking for a boyfriend. I'm just looking for friends now and hopefully to restore a friends with benefits system. I just want friends to start hanging out with and doing things. I wanna go to the pool hall at nights. I wanna go do putt putt gold for the helluva it. Laser tag would be fun. I'd REALLY love to go camping now that the weather is turning nice again. I wanna surround myself with good friendly people that aren't social misfits, addicted to substances, or just plain stupid. I want to have religious discussions that are friendly so I can talk about my own search for it. I want to have friendly political discussions again, I had so much fun discussing politics and other types of "hot" discussion with a friend who also got me addicted to that Max Colberg report....he knows who he is. Anyways, I miss having that type of friendship and discussions of people to just be around.
I used to only surround myself with people I wanted to stick my cock in. That's....not so great to be honest. Most were poor health, substance addicted, anti establishment people that provided a supreme hatred and stereotyping of furrys to me. I've finally realized sex isn't making me happy,....it does make me able to keep my sanity, but I don't want to keep trying to surround myself with people I want to have sex with. So... I think i'm finished blabbering on unless I go off on another tangent again...
Cheers,
Sabian IV
also, yeah, my mom hates the walmart near us so much that for the past 4 years we have been driving an extra 30 minutes up the road to the other walmart since they have less mexicans, due to placement. and yeah, i agree i have gotten close to snapping something simular to a women when i was in the store near me last, *sighs* when will people learn?
*hugs* hope your classes are doing well and hope you are having a good spring.
hun, just wanted to note that i havent talked to you on yahoo because i know(from prior experience) that ppl can get uber busy during the end of their semesters in 4 year college, and didn't want to bother you, hope its all going well :3
hun, just wanted to note that i havent talked to you on yahoo because i know(from prior experience) that ppl can get uber busy during the end of their semesters in 4 year college, and didn't want to bother you, hope its all going well :3
Oh. and I know what you mean about the vault thing with regard to TLK. I was just talking about this with Ridi today! I've wanted to watch it for a while now :0