first let me say that I am NOT canceling any trade or other project I have going on at the moment
this journal is just an update for those I am trading with or people that are trying to contact me or whatever.
This is just a heads up for anyone that might be questioning why I havent been too active or accessible within the last week or two

I just started working two jobs in the past two weeks, and its really played havoc on my schedule, schoolwork, body, and mind. For almost a year now, I've been working at a bakery which has gradually become a hell on earth for me with horrible working conditions and the damage its been doing to my back, knees, and neck. An opportunity arose to work with my mom at the diner a town over, and so I leaped at the chance of having a job where the interior was AIR CONDITIONED and not a 400 degree oven's heat and humidity on top of the baking summer heat that is already peeking into Pennsylvania.

Unfortunately my mother jumped the gun and started me working as a busboy before I had even given in my two week notice at the bakery: because apparently it looks bad if you just up and leave like every other teenage douchebag that works there, lol. so for the last two weeks I've been working both jobs, and often on the SAME day, and each requires alot of lifting, twisting, and exertion which has left me beaten and dead tired and I just havent had any energy to even turn on the computer most of the time.
not to mention the fact that this leaves me zero time to do my homework with school on tuesdays and thursdays and work monday, wendsday, and friday. D:

add that onto the fact that I'm having another shitty emotional battle with myself due to something I learned in Psychology class about child development.
Apparently if there isnt enough parental direction and social interaction during the adolescent years, which I had about zero of, then a child does not learn to self actualize and does not realize what they want to do or who they are and they lose direction and just wander aimlessly through college and life trying to find out who they are and what they are supposed to do.
this really hit me hard because it describes exactly what I'm going through right now, and explains so much about certain things about myself. I don't know what I want to do with my life, so I;m just taking a variety of classes to try and find my niche, and my drawing style changes almost daily because I take style elements from other people in an effort to find what my style should look like but I only end up copying them, and I feel like I move from friend to friend quickly and ignore some because I'm just searching for somewhere or something to belong to and be able to say that I am.
I think that's why I draw anthro shit but dont really consider myself a "furry"
I love the nice people and great artistic skill, but I just KNOW that its not what I am
its not something I want to be or devote my life to, or be defined solely as.
just a vacation from normal where I can stop for a bit, feel like I belong, and then continue my journey towards self-actualization.

so, anyway, I would like to say that I'm sorry for ignoring everyone, but I'm going to continue to be a bit absent for another week while I get everything sorted out and finally quit the fucking bakery >:T

And now for a few personal notes to my friends and current trades:

KENNEDY: I'm sorry for not getting your necklace done and painted yet, I've been really busy and I just haven't had time to run out to the art store and get neon paints and lacquer to seal them. I promise that I will get it done as soon as I can and ship it with your bookmarks and such.
JAKE: Still working on your kiribian bro, so dont worry. Again, I apologize for taking so damn long on it :c
KELLY: Sorry I haven't gotten back to you about that oil wrestling commission yet, I'm still interested in it but I just dont have much time to reply to comments and such right now, I'll probably get back to you this weekend about it c: also, I still have that bookmark sitting on my desk if you still want me to mail it to you.
TOURTU: I've sketched out our trade, but I havent really had time to work on it more than that, as soon as I get some spare time I'll try and get it done. I love how your half is coming though, it looks really cool :D
SEZUREI: Pretty much the same as tourtu, again I apologize for taking so long :c
EVERYONE ELSE (ryan, carly, holes mc.gee, and anyone else who cares):
sorry if I havent been very social, or active on MSN, DA, FA, or skype, Its just the way I am I guess. I'm not usually the one to incite conversation, so I guess that's a part of it :T
if I'm being a douche, just come out and tell me. sometimes I get a bit carried away with my thoughts and become a bit calloused to others and their feelings
dont beat around the bush with me and just tell me how it is.

and that's about all I have to say.
thanks for listening, I guess :/