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Gone for a while
15 years ago
I can't believe my last time on FA was 5 months ago.... jesus.
My life is completely fucked up right now. I've been trying to work things out with Katy for the last few months... everytime I think they are getting better, they just take a turn for a worse. This isn't the first time she's told me to leave... It will probably be the last. How can you love someone, uncontrollably, and still function after they put you down everyday? After they tell you their love for you was a "decision" when yours for them was an undeniable force. I guess we're just too different, but it doesn't make this any easier...
I don't know what to do. I have no idea what to do. I just know I can't take it anymore. This is too painful. She hates me too much. I'm not up to her standards. I keep hoping everyday that things will change... but I'm realizing they wont. They can't...
I don't even know what else to say. I'm really, really sorry to the people still waiting for your art. I've wasted an entire fucking year with this girl and it's gotten me nowhere except deeper into depression and debt. I'll be contacting commissioners when I get back from... wherever I'm going, for continued art or to issue refunds when I have the money. I'm really sorry. I'm sure a lot of you are regretting commissioning me and I feel really fucking bad about it.
For once in my life, I just want to do something right. I just want to do something right....
My life is completely fucked up right now. I've been trying to work things out with Katy for the last few months... everytime I think they are getting better, they just take a turn for a worse. This isn't the first time she's told me to leave... It will probably be the last. How can you love someone, uncontrollably, and still function after they put you down everyday? After they tell you their love for you was a "decision" when yours for them was an undeniable force. I guess we're just too different, but it doesn't make this any easier...
I don't know what to do. I have no idea what to do. I just know I can't take it anymore. This is too painful. She hates me too much. I'm not up to her standards. I keep hoping everyday that things will change... but I'm realizing they wont. They can't...
I don't even know what else to say. I'm really, really sorry to the people still waiting for your art. I've wasted an entire fucking year with this girl and it's gotten me nowhere except deeper into depression and debt. I'll be contacting commissioners when I get back from... wherever I'm going, for continued art or to issue refunds when I have the money. I'm really sorry. I'm sure a lot of you are regretting commissioning me and I feel really fucking bad about it.
For once in my life, I just want to do something right. I just want to do something right....
But, do you want to talk?
And now, referring to the other subject... mehh, am really bad at advicing, even with all i toldcha already... just .. be strong... we care for you, even if some of us are so far away -v- *hughs tight*
Anyway, really good to know you're still alive *super snuggle hugs* <3
That really sucks, sounds like she's not healthy for you at all, but I can understand the feelings. Took me almost a year to get over my first serious crush (feeling wasn't mutual) :/
If she's pushing you away that forcibly then it's probably best to cut your losses, as much as that hurts in the short term, it sounds like it will be much healthier in the long.
*HUGS*
You really do seem to have no luck when it comes to partners, hope that changes for you :/
I only know one single lesbian American furry, but she lives on the opposite coast to you, plus I'm not a fan of arranging blind dates ^^"
But, from what you have shared, I would like to offer you this (though it be so many months 'late')-
I've tried to be friends with some, who can't trust anyone else.
I've tried to be close to some, who can never open-up and share their hearts/souls with another.
I don't know why they choose to completely shut down their empathy, or compassion. I only know that 'I' was not able to break-through the walls they built to protect themselves.
They are the ones left lonely, and 'forgotten', when all else is said.
YOU, have to move-on, and take care of yourself. Don't let your happiness, and peace in this Life be tarnished by anothers pain and suffering, when there is no hope of bringing them out of it.
If they aren't willing to help themselves, you need to move-on.
And don't feel guilty for it.
Colte