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My day at Rite Aid. Week TWO.
15 years ago
This is all the crap that's happened to me this week so far >.< I prefer to wait until the end of the week, but there's too much already. And I've worked like what, two shifts?
1. My Rite Aid is down the street from a crazy people home. Well, retirement home. But it's a nasty retirement home, and it attracts some... characters. One of the usual crazies paid a visit for probably the third time that day.
Customer: You cashed me out before!
Me: Yeah! I remember you :D
Customer: The salad dressing you sold me was too sweet!
Me: What, the ranch?
Customer: No, The brown stuff! *pulls out plastic Rite Aid bag*
Me: The vinaigrette? I don't think we sell that here >.> (we only have Ranch and Italian)
Customer: NO! The BROWN STUFF D:<
Me: *takes out the only item in the bag* Um...
Customer: You're so retarded! RIGHT. THERE. *points to the container*
Me: Th-... The chocolate pudding?
2. A lady was returning an apparently spoiled box of cereal.
Customer: I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tasted like it was spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.
Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have 30 days to return items, and you bought it over 5 months ago.
Customer: This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!
Me: *looks in box* This is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?
Customer: I told you. I ate it!
3. One of my favorite stereotypical white trash customers came in to do ANOTHER return.
Customer: Why was my return denied?
Me: Ma’am, the system is showing us that you have recently made a lot of returns without a receipt. When this happens, corporate flags your ID and you can’t make any non-receipt returns for a while. It’s to prevent theft.
Customer: I’m not stealing. In fact, I have a lot of money. My boyfriend is a street pharmacist and he has a lot of money.
Me: A wha-?
Customer: A street pharmacist! He sells dope.
Me: *awkward shuffle* That is more information than I want to know. Have a nice day!
4. One of my usual customers came in to buy some Robitussin. He was clearly sick.
Me: I need your date of birth.
Customer: Why?
Me: You’re buying Robitussin and I just need your date of birth to confirm you are over the age of 18.
Customer: Oh. April 20th, 1420.
Me: Eh... I really need your actual birth date to continue.
Customer: 4-20-1420. Just put it in *coughs*
Me: *punches numbers* *register proceeds with sale* I-...
Customer: Told you :D
5. An elderly couple walks in. The woman's husband is obviously hard of hearing.
Me: Hello, and how are you folks today?
Customer: You look so young!
Me: I’m only nineteen :)
Customer: What?
Customer’s wife: SHE SAYS SHE’S NINETEEN!
Customer: Oh…do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Seven months :)
Customer: What?
Customer’s wife: SHE'S TAKEN!
Customer: Oh…do you want to go out with me sometime?
Me: Uh…here, I’ll just finish scanning your items for you *awkward smile to his wife*
Customer: What?
Customer’s Wife: SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!
6. A woman approached me with the last Avatar Blu-ray we had on sale.
Me: Blu-ray is a great choice, it looks amazing.
Customer: Great! I’m so excited to watch my first Blu-ray. We just setup the DVR this morning.
Me: DVR?
Customer: Yeah! Our DVR machine to watch Blu-rays.
Me: Um... I hate to say this, but DVRs don’t play Blu-rays. They record live television.
Customer: *rolls eyes* Yes, but they play Blu-rays as well!
Me: I'm sorry, but they don’t. If you buy this, open up the movie and then figure out that your machine won’t play it then I can’t give you a refund. I can’t do refunds on new products that are opened.
Customer: Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, and don’t threaten me! I know this plays Blu-rays! My friend Steve told it does, and he used to work for a major retailer.
Me: Okay, fine. *pauses* Just to ask, where is the disc tray on your DVR?
Customer: *eyes open wide* You know, on second thought, Steve also got fired for fraud. *hands back*
As I said before. Best. Job. Ever.
1. My Rite Aid is down the street from a crazy people home. Well, retirement home. But it's a nasty retirement home, and it attracts some... characters. One of the usual crazies paid a visit for probably the third time that day.
Customer: You cashed me out before!
Me: Yeah! I remember you :D
Customer: The salad dressing you sold me was too sweet!
Me: What, the ranch?
Customer: No, The brown stuff! *pulls out plastic Rite Aid bag*
Me: The vinaigrette? I don't think we sell that here >.> (we only have Ranch and Italian)
Customer: NO! The BROWN STUFF D:<
Me: *takes out the only item in the bag* Um...
Customer: You're so retarded! RIGHT. THERE. *points to the container*
Me: Th-... The chocolate pudding?
2. A lady was returning an apparently spoiled box of cereal.
Customer: I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tasted like it was spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.
Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have 30 days to return items, and you bought it over 5 months ago.
Customer: This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!
Me: *looks in box* This is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?
Customer: I told you. I ate it!
3. One of my favorite stereotypical white trash customers came in to do ANOTHER return.
Customer: Why was my return denied?
Me: Ma’am, the system is showing us that you have recently made a lot of returns without a receipt. When this happens, corporate flags your ID and you can’t make any non-receipt returns for a while. It’s to prevent theft.
Customer: I’m not stealing. In fact, I have a lot of money. My boyfriend is a street pharmacist and he has a lot of money.
Me: A wha-?
Customer: A street pharmacist! He sells dope.
Me: *awkward shuffle* That is more information than I want to know. Have a nice day!
4. One of my usual customers came in to buy some Robitussin. He was clearly sick.
Me: I need your date of birth.
Customer: Why?
Me: You’re buying Robitussin and I just need your date of birth to confirm you are over the age of 18.
Customer: Oh. April 20th, 1420.
Me: Eh... I really need your actual birth date to continue.
Customer: 4-20-1420. Just put it in *coughs*
Me: *punches numbers* *register proceeds with sale* I-...
Customer: Told you :D
5. An elderly couple walks in. The woman's husband is obviously hard of hearing.
Me: Hello, and how are you folks today?
Customer: You look so young!
Me: I’m only nineteen :)
Customer: What?
Customer’s wife: SHE SAYS SHE’S NINETEEN!
Customer: Oh…do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Seven months :)
Customer: What?
Customer’s wife: SHE'S TAKEN!
Customer: Oh…do you want to go out with me sometime?
Me: Uh…here, I’ll just finish scanning your items for you *awkward smile to his wife*
Customer: What?
Customer’s Wife: SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!
6. A woman approached me with the last Avatar Blu-ray we had on sale.
Me: Blu-ray is a great choice, it looks amazing.
Customer: Great! I’m so excited to watch my first Blu-ray. We just setup the DVR this morning.
Me: DVR?
Customer: Yeah! Our DVR machine to watch Blu-rays.
Me: Um... I hate to say this, but DVRs don’t play Blu-rays. They record live television.
Customer: *rolls eyes* Yes, but they play Blu-rays as well!
Me: I'm sorry, but they don’t. If you buy this, open up the movie and then figure out that your machine won’t play it then I can’t give you a refund. I can’t do refunds on new products that are opened.
Customer: Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, and don’t threaten me! I know this plays Blu-rays! My friend Steve told it does, and he used to work for a major retailer.
Me: Okay, fine. *pauses* Just to ask, where is the disc tray on your DVR?
Customer: *eyes open wide* You know, on second thought, Steve also got fired for fraud. *hands back*
As I said before. Best. Job. Ever.
