I think there's a reason why I keep turning over two characters in my mind - Judge and Meatloaf, of the Nova Guard 10th Company.

Judge, the quiet, emotionless marksman who gives everyone the creeps... reminds me of myself. I used to be like that. I think I am still like that, minus the creepy bit. I've become more human over time, with more experience. But the essence of Judge... well, he's alone in life. Anywhere and everywhere he goes, he will be alone, no matter if he is traveling with his squad or not. They don't like him. And he doesn't care... at least, outwardly. Inwardly, I'm not sure. He might. And, you know? Like I said. I feel like that quite often.

Even as I'm preparing to get engaged to a kind-hearted, intelligent and accomplished woman, in my darker moments I ask myself again and again: Do you want a relationship? Wouldn't you rather be alone? Don't you want to stay feeling alone? It's familiar, after all... comforting... no need for change.

And Meatloaf, now... What's the essence of Meatloaf's character? It's his fatherhood. Well, here again, I think this is relevant to me. Anxiety over the future - for anyone contemplating settling down and forming a family who doesn't get anxious is an idiot - and guilt over the past.

I recently posted in a drawthread, on /tg/. I asked for a sort of wallet-photo type of image, of a Space Marine in civvies standing with his daughter, a woman in her 20s. We'll see what comes of that.