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ICD-10 code F48.1 is what I have.
15 years ago
Hey there, everyone. Once again after a long-long delay I'm making an effort to write something about what's happening, and make an useless excuse again about not making any art recently.
Skipping the babble, the main thing is that I officially have a diagnosis called "F48.1 - Depersonalization syndrome." which, as I think, was triggered by some sort of anxiety disorder. (Brain explosion warning if links are clicked)
That's a psychiatric disease and thus it's waaaay too wicked to explain in it's full complexity involving neurochemical processes in brain. So I just present you with analogy. Do you use suspended power state (S3) in your PCs or laptops? It's when the system leaves power only for critical components, required to support the current execution state of your machine and to be able to wake up upon external signal. That what I feel about my brain. It works just as if it being in power-conserving mode... I can't process information in a complex way, I can't learn, can't analyze, can't imagine (cognitive function is down). I can't do literally anything worth living for. All my life has narrowed to three main things: eat, sleep, browsing lulz in the internet. You say "what about work?" There is no work anymore. I quit it for now because I could not handle it anymore. As my former colleague said "Man, jeez, you're not living, you're just existing and nothing else!" - I can't find any more exact phrase than this, describing the whole my life in a last 6 years...
But it's not all hopeless. I went to doctor and now I'm receiving some treatment. It started not so long ago... just in the end of April. But I already felt a fleeting positive dynamics for a couple of days. And that leaves me hope to get back to normal (active and productive) life some day...
That is also my excuse of not making art and not showing any activity on this site... it's just getting too hard... sorry everyone.
P.S. But I'm not gonna leave... I'll.. just... wait here until things get better.
P.P.S. That's a one damn cool title for a journal I have there :)
Skipping the babble, the main thing is that I officially have a diagnosis called "F48.1 - Depersonalization syndrome." which, as I think, was triggered by some sort of anxiety disorder. (Brain explosion warning if links are clicked)
That's a psychiatric disease and thus it's waaaay too wicked to explain in it's full complexity involving neurochemical processes in brain. So I just present you with analogy. Do you use suspended power state (S3) in your PCs or laptops? It's when the system leaves power only for critical components, required to support the current execution state of your machine and to be able to wake up upon external signal. That what I feel about my brain. It works just as if it being in power-conserving mode... I can't process information in a complex way, I can't learn, can't analyze, can't imagine (cognitive function is down). I can't do literally anything worth living for. All my life has narrowed to three main things: eat, sleep, browsing lulz in the internet. You say "what about work?" There is no work anymore. I quit it for now because I could not handle it anymore. As my former colleague said "Man, jeez, you're not living, you're just existing and nothing else!" - I can't find any more exact phrase than this, describing the whole my life in a last 6 years...
But it's not all hopeless. I went to doctor and now I'm receiving some treatment. It started not so long ago... just in the end of April. But I already felt a fleeting positive dynamics for a couple of days. And that leaves me hope to get back to normal (active and productive) life some day...
That is also my excuse of not making art and not showing any activity on this site... it's just getting too hard... sorry everyone.
P.S. But I'm not gonna leave... I'll.. just... wait here until things get better.
P.P.S. That's a one damn cool title for a journal I have there :)
Those links lead to wikipedia with lots of info there :) - those for people who cares and curious.
Thanks for your support, but you're also should be cautious with that. Easy to say and very hard to do - but don't give much of a rat's ass for those exams and finals. Cheers! :)