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Wild Nights
15 years ago
General
Well, I don't quite know how to begin. Things are a little weird for me right now, and the con seems mostly to blame.
The con itself was pretty good. Kinda wish I'd been more open and sociable, but wasn't bad for my first time. People were nice and willing to talk. I still think my favorite part was the huge Fluxx game that used the original pack, as well as the Zombie and Monty Python versions. Suffice to say, we needed all the people we had at the table. Things got pretty twisted.
The bad part though was I had a demon of lust riding me through most of it (yes, I know I'm crazy; I'm a writer and a Christian; part of the territory). It was rather frustrating 'cause I couldn't really bring myself to even ask anyone for sex. And even though I want to be chaste until marriage, the temptation was still there; I just felt like I could never give in even if I wanted to. In the end, it almost resulted in disaster, but nothing happened. Just got a little shaken at how close things came. Doesn't help that I still get thoughts in my head... or that I keep thinkin' about that fox in the bunk next to mine. Ye gods, I don't even know if he's legal and he keeps popping up in my head. *sigh* Temptation sucks.
The weird part though... the con has me somewhat unnerved. I smelled my sleeping bag sometime last weekend, and the musty odor brought back memories of the con and my cabin. And... I dunno. I feel that in some way it has undone me. I just feel... alive.
For some reason, the con just keeps reminding me of heaven. People may think I'm crazy, but... for me, heaven is like a never-ending convention of furries, geeks and other wonderful people, all of them working on various things. Some God gives to them, and others they choose themselves. And there's unending creativity, endless projects and art and stories and... and fursuits! I mean, c'mon, you think heaven doesn't have more than a few costume designers up there? I'm betting there are or will be fursuits in heaven. How can there not? I mean, I find it hard to believe that being a furry means an automatic ticket to hell. =P And though I haven't read my Bible much, I have yet to find the verse that reads, "Thou shalt not be a furry; it disturbs the Lord your God." I'll let you know if I find it.
It's just... oh man. I've written this week. Haven't done that in a while, except for my entry for the Project Minotaur OCT on DA (go check it out; it's cool). And that was mostly before the con, and felt a bit like it was forced in some places. But then I come back... and... I dunno. In some ways, things go back to normal for a week... then, suddenly, I'm reminded of the con, and everything changes. I wrote another chapter in a secret project of mine. I finished my entry for the OCT, then edited and posted it yesterday. And I still feel the urge to do more, to... to CREATE.
Is this not what I'm here for? Why would God give me these desires and not intend for them to be fulfilled? It makes no sense! No, no, He must mean to fulfill them, if only I will seek Him out first. For what good is seeking God if your desires go unsatisfied? Not unless they will be someday. Not unless eternity means endless fulfillment and restoration. Heaven cannot be an endless sing-a-long in the sky. It'd get boring fast. Has to be exciting, otherwise, why go there? Hell would be preferable. Almost.
*sigh* Ye gods, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel energized, I feel invigorated, I feel...
I am alive! Lord help me, I know the feeling will end, but... please. Let it last. Let me create. Let me be alive in You. It's worth any pain the longing gives me.
I just wanna be with You
Just want this waiting to be over
I just wanna be with You
And it helps to know the day is getting closer!
Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
'Til I won't have to imagine
And I'll finally get to see You...
Smile!
The con itself was pretty good. Kinda wish I'd been more open and sociable, but wasn't bad for my first time. People were nice and willing to talk. I still think my favorite part was the huge Fluxx game that used the original pack, as well as the Zombie and Monty Python versions. Suffice to say, we needed all the people we had at the table. Things got pretty twisted.
The bad part though was I had a demon of lust riding me through most of it (yes, I know I'm crazy; I'm a writer and a Christian; part of the territory). It was rather frustrating 'cause I couldn't really bring myself to even ask anyone for sex. And even though I want to be chaste until marriage, the temptation was still there; I just felt like I could never give in even if I wanted to. In the end, it almost resulted in disaster, but nothing happened. Just got a little shaken at how close things came. Doesn't help that I still get thoughts in my head... or that I keep thinkin' about that fox in the bunk next to mine. Ye gods, I don't even know if he's legal and he keeps popping up in my head. *sigh* Temptation sucks.
The weird part though... the con has me somewhat unnerved. I smelled my sleeping bag sometime last weekend, and the musty odor brought back memories of the con and my cabin. And... I dunno. I feel that in some way it has undone me. I just feel... alive.
For some reason, the con just keeps reminding me of heaven. People may think I'm crazy, but... for me, heaven is like a never-ending convention of furries, geeks and other wonderful people, all of them working on various things. Some God gives to them, and others they choose themselves. And there's unending creativity, endless projects and art and stories and... and fursuits! I mean, c'mon, you think heaven doesn't have more than a few costume designers up there? I'm betting there are or will be fursuits in heaven. How can there not? I mean, I find it hard to believe that being a furry means an automatic ticket to hell. =P And though I haven't read my Bible much, I have yet to find the verse that reads, "Thou shalt not be a furry; it disturbs the Lord your God." I'll let you know if I find it.
It's just... oh man. I've written this week. Haven't done that in a while, except for my entry for the Project Minotaur OCT on DA (go check it out; it's cool). And that was mostly before the con, and felt a bit like it was forced in some places. But then I come back... and... I dunno. In some ways, things go back to normal for a week... then, suddenly, I'm reminded of the con, and everything changes. I wrote another chapter in a secret project of mine. I finished my entry for the OCT, then edited and posted it yesterday. And I still feel the urge to do more, to... to CREATE.
Is this not what I'm here for? Why would God give me these desires and not intend for them to be fulfilled? It makes no sense! No, no, He must mean to fulfill them, if only I will seek Him out first. For what good is seeking God if your desires go unsatisfied? Not unless they will be someday. Not unless eternity means endless fulfillment and restoration. Heaven cannot be an endless sing-a-long in the sky. It'd get boring fast. Has to be exciting, otherwise, why go there? Hell would be preferable. Almost.
*sigh* Ye gods, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel energized, I feel invigorated, I feel...
I am alive! Lord help me, I know the feeling will end, but... please. Let it last. Let me create. Let me be alive in You. It's worth any pain the longing gives me.
I just wanna be with You
Just want this waiting to be over
I just wanna be with You
And it helps to know the day is getting closer!
Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
'Til I won't have to imagine
And I'll finally get to see You...
Smile!
As for any post con thoughts or feelings I have, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. This convention seems to have done a world of good for many of us. After it was all said and done I felt truly happy and free, as if something within me had awakened.
I have a renewed interest in everything now and I too have a desire to create. I don't know exactly what yet but I saw so much talent there that it made me want to have something to share with everyone too. Most importantly, I believe this con allowed me to finally just be myself without any restraints.
Thanks for sharing!