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Life and such...
15 years ago
General
Its been a rocky couple of weeks...and about to get rockier.
The past few days I've been trying to avoid thinking about today...and what it could end up being like...and having little success.
My initial excitement over things...over renewed chances and possibilities...has given way to apprehension. You remember when you broke your mom's favorite vase, or window, or did something wrong and sat waiting for your folks to get home and for the fallout that was inevitable?
Yeah...that's how I feel.
They say things get worse before getting better, and that its darkest right before the dawn. I can well believe them.
I had hoped for more time...and I sincerely wish that what has transpired did not happen NOW...of all times. It puts me, and Cooper, in positions of unbelievable anguish, becase it goes against who and what we are. With what has happened in the last 10 days or so, with all the drama and crap flying around...it seems to me that we're being extremely callous. But when things rapidly fall into place...who can NOT take them for omens or portents or signs.
So yeah...i'm not in the best of moods, my emotions are warring within me, tho anyone walking by would see nothing but a dull, blank countenance.
I've given a lot, sacrificed a hell of a lot more, helped out a great deal...and yet...why do I feel so bad for wanting what is right there in front of me, right in my grasp. Should I sacrifice more...and if so, when do I stop? When can I start looking out for myself without feeling like i'm holding Brutus's dagger in my hand?
Wish me well...it's all I can ask for.
The past few days I've been trying to avoid thinking about today...and what it could end up being like...and having little success.
My initial excitement over things...over renewed chances and possibilities...has given way to apprehension. You remember when you broke your mom's favorite vase, or window, or did something wrong and sat waiting for your folks to get home and for the fallout that was inevitable?
Yeah...that's how I feel.
They say things get worse before getting better, and that its darkest right before the dawn. I can well believe them.
I had hoped for more time...and I sincerely wish that what has transpired did not happen NOW...of all times. It puts me, and Cooper, in positions of unbelievable anguish, becase it goes against who and what we are. With what has happened in the last 10 days or so, with all the drama and crap flying around...it seems to me that we're being extremely callous. But when things rapidly fall into place...who can NOT take them for omens or portents or signs.
So yeah...i'm not in the best of moods, my emotions are warring within me, tho anyone walking by would see nothing but a dull, blank countenance.
I've given a lot, sacrificed a hell of a lot more, helped out a great deal...and yet...why do I feel so bad for wanting what is right there in front of me, right in my grasp. Should I sacrifice more...and if so, when do I stop? When can I start looking out for myself without feeling like i'm holding Brutus's dagger in my hand?
Wish me well...it's all I can ask for.
I hope things start to look up for you and you can relax a little!! *hugs*
Thankies for the well wishes ^.^
just look after yourself!!
As a guy who is there with you I can tell you you have my support in whatever you are going through.
Life is a bitch and so are families most of the time.
When you deal with constant rejection and blame for the rejection it gets you and affects your emotions, thoughts, health and actions because you want so bad to have TLCR which is tender, loving, care, and RESPECT.
I know it is hard and it takes an emotional and physical toll on you..
Just hang in there the best you can and get the support from those who do care about you like your boyfriend or other friends.
Take care hunter