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Okay, so... it's like this.
15 years ago
Aiyuki told me that she doesn't want to be with anyone to get her head on straight.
In the end, Batty/Brighteyes/Talesin and I just... don't work together.
And after the events of today, I know now that I can't stay here with Puma and Merageshu.
I sabotaged my relationship with Batty. *I* destroyed it. And now feelings have been hurt here and I've very quickly come to realize that this isn't a place I can make into a home.
But I need to be single. I need to hang out with my friends and figure out who I am as myself, and how I can shape myself into a woman that can be loved and can love fiercely and fully in return. Tryng to understand why I MUST fuck up everything wonderful thing that comes into my life. Why I'm so GODDAMN scared to open up and just be fully open and honest with someone all the way.
So... I need to go try to comfort Merageshu, even though I don't think there's anything I can do. I love my friends, and I thank everyone for the good times.
And for my next trick... finding a new place to live.
Here's to trying again to learn how to LIVE and not just SURVIVE. Cheers.
In the end, Batty/Brighteyes/Talesin and I just... don't work together.
And after the events of today, I know now that I can't stay here with Puma and Merageshu.
I sabotaged my relationship with Batty. *I* destroyed it. And now feelings have been hurt here and I've very quickly come to realize that this isn't a place I can make into a home.
But I need to be single. I need to hang out with my friends and figure out who I am as myself, and how I can shape myself into a woman that can be loved and can love fiercely and fully in return. Tryng to understand why I MUST fuck up everything wonderful thing that comes into my life. Why I'm so GODDAMN scared to open up and just be fully open and honest with someone all the way.
So... I need to go try to comfort Merageshu, even though I don't think there's anything I can do. I love my friends, and I thank everyone for the good times.
And for my next trick... finding a new place to live.
Here's to trying again to learn how to LIVE and not just SURVIVE. Cheers.
But it's more than worth it.
Hang in there, and know this too will pass...
I live in a town about two hours East of Dallas, so it's a bit of a ways away, but it's an open bed, at least for a while, if you need it.
If you'd like to talk about it, text or call me, if you can. My cell is 405-593-0292.
Which reminds me... crap, I need to plug in mah phone!