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You call bullshit? No, I think /I/ will.
18 years ago
Sooooo, not much as of late. Been playing CoV every now and then, getting the occasional drawing done and chatting. Mmm, good times, good times.
The only thing that's been picking at my nerves is my ex's journal.
At first I didn't mind it. Everyone else I know who saw it said shi was off her rocker, so meh.
Yesterday though, I realised those are Trillian Timestamps.
Kay, I can deal with not talking anymore. I can deal with not gaming together anymore. I can deal with her telling herself that what she thinks is the absolute truth, but god, if I'm not mistaken at those Timestamps, she was either venting/making a bad name for me with other people.
Sure, I don't mind. But the LEAST she could do if she's going to bring up my past is get the facts right, geez.
Aformentionned Journal :
[link]
Yes, I image'd it. This way she can't delete it like her past journal entries, or the comments Tom made correcting her on some of the things she said.
Sure Sae, keep going "LALALA NOT LISTENING."
The following might not all be S(afe)F(or)W(ork), and most likely TMI.
But if she's going to try to claim knowing the truth, might as well post the /real/ truth.
Now let's get started.
[20:46] Seri Otter: Ome and Doomie meet Cait.
[20:46] Seri Otter: Cait joins them.
[20:46] Seri Otter: And then Kitten.
[20:46] Seri Otter: And then Pat.
[20:46] Seri Otter: And then Pat uses Doomie for sex and is told to leave.
[20:46] Seri Otter: and then Tom joins.
[20:47] Seri Otter: wait no
[20:47] Seri Otter: pat uses Doomie is told to leave
[20:47] Seri Otter: and then Kitten leaves.
[20:47] Seri Otter: and THEN
[20:47] Seri Otter: Tom joins.
Wait what? What's this bullcrap timeline?
Me and Ome met and got together with Cait.
We met TOM.
Tom joined, if shortly. Then took time away from us when Pat joined because he didn't like him all that much and he needed time seperate from a relationship to gauge how he feels about his orientation.
Through Pat we met Kitten.
Aaaand... wait, WHAT? Used for sex? Look, /I/ dumped Pat because he turned out to be a lying sleezebag who, outside of his spare moments of niceness, stole things from his workplaces, faked his legal info, drove irresponsably and, right before going to the hospital in January, I couldn't contact him ANYHOW for 36 fucking whole hours via all of phone, email and MSN and even having Ome and Cait tell him to call me URGENTLY.
Sex? No, the sex had nothing to do with it. Fact is, the sex was great actually. Just because a guy can act like a complete douchebag doesn't mean he can't use his cock right. I'll give him THAT much.
As far as using me, well, uh.. no, not really. I actually went for it first more often than not.
But yes. /I/ talked with Cait about dumping Pat, because when we saw him try to trip the three of us apart, I had seen enough. (Well, I already had, but Kitten was being insisty about giving him a chance even though she was sick of him not paying attention to her.)
And later on /I/ dumped him, and Cait and Ome followed suit, since we had missed Ome online for a while.
Then Kitten eventually left.
Then Tom came back to us after some soul-searching (and fun nights in Amsterdam =D ) and knowing he didn't have to endure Pat anymore.
THAT's the right timeline. An about... 5-6 month span.
~ Moving on...
[20:47] Seri Otter: I saw Tom as suspicious and like Pat.
[20:47] Seri Otter: So did Ome
[20:47] Seri Otter: We pointed it out.
[20:47] Seri Otter: Tom was told to leave.
You know, until now I agreed with you on that one. Mainly because I let myself get influenced by your paranoia and my own insecurities doubling over.
But you know what? Ome had actually asked Tom to do the Master/Pet thing with her again, and /I/ was the one who kept baiting Tom to be the whimsiccal charming, because I absolutely loved every moment of it.
Then again you also borderline-blamed Tom for the 7chan raid on my gallery because he checks it out for laughs, and as far as I know you probably still do, omitting the random notes from PSTP that Mred was most possibly behind the whole thing.
~
[20:47] Seri Otter: Cait kept picking fights with Ome and myself
[20:47] Seri Otter: so shortly after she was told to leave.
Picking fights? No, not really. If she disagrees on something she does argue it for a good while, but hey, nobody's perfect. I never had any trouble with Cait myself, so I'm seeing this is a /communication/ and /patience/ issue, not just her picking fights.
Yeah, she DID come to me all the time afterwards. Why? Well maybe because I was the only one of us who knew how to talk to her without making her feel like a complete blonde dipshit. Most arguements were actually started in casual chat because she wouldn't agree on something, and rather than explain it calmly to her, both of you would go on a "NO UR WRONG AHM RIGHT, AHM ALWAYS RIGHT" binge and cram stuff down her throat till you made her feel like she's flunking 3rd grade.
Sure, yes, I completely agree she can be stubbornly persistant even when she's wrong, but you don't cure a depressive person by giving them a gun and telling them to shoot themselves.
Patience is a virtue. Doubly so in communication.
Like, a shit ton of it.
~
[20:48] Seri Otter: so it was down to Ome, Doomie and myself.
[20:48] Seri Otter: And we wanted to make things work.
[20:48] Seri Otter: but Doomie was facing troubles at home and gender issues
[20:48] Seri Otter: or so it seemed.
Seemed?
SEEMED?
Fesus jucking braindead popsicle monkeys on fire!
Have you READ any of the journals?
Have I not been to and back from the mental ward for severe pressure breakdown?
Have I not nearly gone homeless, losing my apartment after McD's cut me down from a 30-40 hours per week schedule to zippo/nada?
Have I not moved out simply because my family was really THAT much of a bunch of quacks?
Let's pile some more on that! What about the confidence issues, the budget issues, the fact that after coming out of the hospital I was too damn weak to start working again right away, and that at that point the ONLY thing I could do is go back to that stupid family of quacks? That I'm STUCK here in Quebec until I can get my transition done, and that it's been over 5 years now and that I only NOW finally started getting the proper medical help I've been looking for? I can name more. Dental problems, issues with my physical looks, issues with my art, chronic artblock among other things, and that I'm starting to lose interest in drawing alltogether after 4 failed attempts at starting a webcomic, which has so far been my life force and driving goal?
There we go, that's the tip of the iceberg. Do I need to go down into the thick part and start naming more?
...good God. SEEMED like I had issues?
If that's SEEMED, I don't want to know what "has slight issues" is.
I pity whoever's "Knees deep in issues".
~
[20:48] Seri Otter: Ome was Doomie's closest person, ironically in what was supposed to be an even relationship.
Oh hey, that MIGHT have something to do with never meeting you in person, and knowing you PERSONALLY for barely a month compared to Ome who's been close enough to hold me, and have been with for nearly two years.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: Doomie plays games for 12 hours straight in one sitting.
Why yes, if I have 12 hours straight of nothing to do, and I feel like gaming rather than doing anything else, sure, I'll play for 12 hours if the game is interesting enough for me.
OH HEY, DATING SERIOUS GAMER GIRL, LET'S NOT EXPECT HER TO GAME LOTS.
No, I'm definitely not a pro. But I /do/ like my gaming.
And considering it's the best stress relief I've found, and considering the huge amount of crap I deal with on a daily basis, I do happen to game a lot for stress relief, thank you very much.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: And she's forget that either Ome or I exist.
Actually, when I played games I was nearly /always/ AT LEAST on either your Ventrilo or on MSN. If I was gonna forget you two existed, I wouldn't have done group pics of us, taken time out of my day to fix my sleep schedule to see the both of you as much as I could, and stuck around on MSN when nobody's saying anything just in case you or Ome popped a squeak every now and then.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: Which we confront her about, as well as a couple issues about her ego and talking about how great she is at things.
You know, this is one I have to completely agree with you on.
I /DO/ have a ginormous ego. But for some reason, no matter how much I say it, all the closest people I am to don't seem to believe me. Odd. Oh well, it's not like I'm quiet about it either.
As for confronting... well it pretty much went along the lines of :
"Oh hey we don't like that you do this, change. NOW.
Or else we'll WALL'O'TEXT you about it next time you come back from an already shitty day, just to make things worse, and go LALALA NOT LISTENING when you tell us to give you a break."
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: Without much time to think about things
[20:49] Seri Otter: she blames all of it on me, and leaves Ome.
[20:49] Seri Otter: Crushed.
Actually, thinking time I had lots of. I'd been thinking about leaving you and Ome together as your own couple ever since you dumped TOM, before you guys even decided to get rid of Caitlin.
I'd actually been thinking about it enough for it to start making my hands shake at work, which was rendering me pretty much useless as a wrapper.
So yes, I left Ome. What probably hit the nerve moreso is that I blocked both of you.
Why? Because of the email Ome sent me when she noticed I blocked her. Saying I'm rushing things. Saying I'm "running away from my problems". Basically repeating everything you kept saying, because as far as I know, Ome's letting herself be influenced by you just like she did with me (apparently, she claims her gender idendity was influenced in her latest Sallies post), by Pat and then by Tom before you came in the picture. Pretty much every person in the relationship that wasn't more submissive than her.
She was playing the broken record of you, even though everyone else I talked to agreed that it was a choice for the better.
So yes, I blame it on you. if you didn't come along, you wouldn't have talked with Ome about Tom, and kicked him out. Same with Cait. And then I wouldn't have had to leave for you two to be happy together.
But why is that a BAD thing? Of course I blame you, if we take you out of the time continuum here, it WOULDN'T have happened, or at least, wouldn't have had YET. You just sped up the process.
As far as I know that's a GOOD thing. Because Ome was miserable, and distant to all of us lately. Now she has someone to confide in and be happy with.
...and crushed you say?
Like I said, Ome was already miserable before I left. She's been HAPPIER with you around. Considering we kept ending up fighting, it made her even more miserable.
I took your own advice, I stopped running from the problem. Actually, I can't really run from myself; /I/ was the problem in /YOUR/ relationship. Knowing Ome's happier with you, I was happy just knowing she'd be as well in the long run, because staying would of only led to things getting even worse.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: After Ome had tried to buy her a plane ticket to fly her to a new home
[20:50] Seri Otter: and after it was purchased
[20:50] Seri Otter: she decided to take an offer from her mom for an apartment
[20:50] Seri Otter: thusly destroying the $600 ticket
See, this is another case of you not knowing the full story, and acting like you do. Well, you don't.
I don't know if you knew, but the ticket was meant to help me get to B.C. to go live with a friend's friend until I was settled and making enough money to be on my own. It just so happens that AFTER we got the ticket, I learned that this guy's family wasn't necessarily the cleanest around. Drug-wise.
And yes, it was 600$. Ome was the one who offered it.
And when I asked her about payback, she said it was fine.
So then one of my friends let my mom in on it. My mom panicked and called her sister. Blah, long story short, my UNCLE (not my mom) offered me 1500$ to try getting settled in an apartment closer to here. Mom offered to help me look for it.
So yeah... I had to choose between going to BC with nothing in my pockets, near-diddly work experience, and somehow survive on my own there until Ome gets around the fact she can NEVER get a visa to Canada because she hasn't finished highschool...
-OR-
I could take my uncle and mom's offer, get a place here, near all the clinics I needed to visit (and we would have had to move back here for them anyways), have basic furniture, keep my comp, get help for the 3 first months and do what I can from there.
I don't know about you, but the choice was easy for me.
So yeah, I destroyed the ticket. And then I askedOme if she wanted me to pay back for it. She pretty much responded along the lines of "No, it's fine, I understand."
I didn't question her on it. I needed what money I could for rent and bills. If she REALLY wanted it back that much, she really just needed to ask or stop denying it.
In the end it came to being moot because of the pressure breakdown due to the Pat situation and the loss of hours making me lose the apartment, but I don't really regret my choice at all. At the time of it, choosing the ticket over the other offer was just plain dumb.
~
[20:50] Seri Otter: When Ome confronted her, she said Cait was her closest.
Actually, I said that, AT THE TIME, Cait was closer to me, EMOTIONALLY.
Read : At the present moment, lately, of recent events, during the past few weeks/months, etc...
I always trusted Ome more than anyone because of how much she's done to take care of me and help me out of problems. I've gone as far as trusting her with my life.
But that doesn't mean we're close on every level. Cait was closer to me emotionally as of late because Ome just plain grew distant from me while Cait kept prodding to know what was bothering me.
~
[20:50] Seri Otter: Pretty much, since Ome wasn't her ego booster and financial backbone, she quit.
[20:50] Seri Otter: Without thinking.
Actually, you two BOTH offered to help me pay rent to get away from my family and to help with medical bills.
That's some mighty nice financial backbone right there.
No, I chose to NOT take the money. My ego boosts itself just fine thank you, and "Without thinking"? Read all the above parts.
~
[20:51] Seri Otter: And she made it evident, even with all the very blatant hints that Tom had surrounding him, giving a very ... unsettling Aura.
[20:51] Seri Otter: She said she could go with him, and he serenades her on Deviantart.
Blatant hints? As far as I know, Tom's been an amazing guy so far. It's a damn shame your paranoia is making you blind to it. :/
~
[20:51] Seri Otter: Not to mention she said she could with Cait
[20:51] Seri Otter: who ...
[20:52] Seri Otter: has no ambition in life. Is 26. Lives with her parents. I don't even think she takes her gender issues seriously (she claims to be MtF Transgendered)
No ambition in life? She's been applying to jobs. She's been applying to colleges to go into Sound Recording Arts. Yes, she lives with her parents. That MIGHT have something to do with her dad mooching every damn penny she has everytime she has a job, and now she's stuck with bills and bad credit to her name because of him.
Yeah, sure, she could stand up to him. And he could esily kick her out of the house. Being homeless would be pretty damn counter-productive.
I've talked with her about the issues before. She does take it seriously, but she's more concerned about settling the other problems in her life. She's not going to be able to afford anything anyways until she A) gets out, -or- B) gets her dad out of her wallet.
~
[20:52] Seri Otter: And another thing
[20:52] Seri Otter: Doomie had sex with Pat.
[20:52] Seri Otter: Because they lived near eachother
[20:52] Seri Otter: and she showed it on webcam
[20:52] Seri Otter: now if you're MtF Transgendered and gender dyphoric
[20:52] Seri Otter: for one, you won't likely want to have sex
[20:52] Seri Otter: for two, and most importantly
[20:52] Seri Otter: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHOW IT
[20:53] Seri Otter: NOT ON CAM
No, we had sex because goddamnit, I've been depraved for years and it's been driving me nuts. The first time I went at it with Pat must've been one of the most relieving things /EVER/. At that time, he hadn't yet grown into the lieing bastard we know him as now.
And yes, we did Cam. The problem is, you're here mentionning it like I was showing TEH WORLDZ. No, we were showing it to Cait and Ome because they were almost pretty much begging to see. (Haha, not like you could see much anyways.) It's an poly relationship, I don't see what the problem is if, somewhere down the line if things worked out, those two would of ended up someday seeing the same thing but IN PERSON. Geez.
Pretty ironic though you'd be going on like this when you'd almost brag about once having 10 people in bed and all the batshit crazy kink stuff you go on about...
No, I don't really WANT to have sex like this. But fuck if you can tell the difference between pre-and-post transition when you're the one taking it up in the rear end. (NOT the front)
You know, on a gender identity dysphoria level of speaking... I'm pretty damn sure of my identity. I want to correct the problem ASAP, but hell if I can't have even a little fun in 5-10 years with the unassociated parts or give pleasure to my lover (at my own expense) every now and then.
~
[20:53] Seri Otter: I think the move with Cary
[20:53] Seri Otter: which was supposed to be all of us living with a couple, Cary and Cody was because they thought
[20:53] Seri Otter: that Cait and Doomie would do nothing and Ome and I would pull money
[20:53] Seri Otter: and Tom was well off, so whatever. He had money.
[20:54] Seri Otter: Doomie wanted to be a "House Maiden"
[20:54] Seri Otter: I call bullshit. She wanted the easy way out.
Bullshit? BULLSHIT?
I'll give you what the bullshit is, the bullshit is your stupid ass waiting queue for getting a damn green card because of all the terrorism crap. (as if they'd wait for a visa. /durr )
Cary offered to house me AS AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT.
Well, what the fuck else than House Maiding would you want me to do? ANYTHING ELSE (that's declared) would get me deported!
~
[20:54] Seri Otter: And now.
[20:54] Seri Otter: All she's doing is leaching off of others pity.
[20:54] Seri Otter: And trying to get people to feel bad for her and boost her ego.
[20:54] Seri Otter: She's inflated. She's hopless.
[20:54] Seri Otter: hopeless*
[20:54] Seri Otter: And the fact that she mentioned considering turning back
[20:54] Seri Otter: sickens me.
[20:54] Seri Otter: like.
[20:55] Seri Otter: She doesn't even think Ome's hurt. Like the whole world revolves around her.
[20:55] Seri Otter: And if she does go after Tom again
[20:55] Seri Otter: It's more than like
[20:55] Seri Otter: likely*
[20:55] Seri Otter: because he has money.
[20:55] Seri Otter: And then she dares
[20:55] Seri Otter: to say this is all my fault
[20:55] Seri Otter: when she hasn't even made an attempt to reach out to Ome.
[20:55] Seri Otter: When I told both of them I'd throw in flag at any time if they needed to work things out.
[20:55] Seri Otter: Ironic, isn't it?
Leaching off others' pity?
Now there's low strikes, and then there's LOW strikes.
And this one was worse, even for you.
I cannot BELIEVE the nerve you have of saying this when I went out of my way when I already had little money to buy you a game, like I did for Cait and offered to do for Ome, so we could also spend time together having fun.
That /I/ was trying to pay the monthly fee for PSU for Cait so she could play with us until she could pay me back rather than you two just jump ahead onto something else and leave her behind again.
After the plane ticket thing, I've even been REFUSING nearly every gift Ome's tried to make me, other than WoW since it was to play with her, and HAVE been pestering her about paying her for the things.
And EVERY time, she'd say it's fine, or that the art was WELL enough.
Fuck, when I finished Lunther's second comission, my first REAL MONEY, USD-paid comission, he had to nearly stuff the damn 30$ down my throat before I took it because I was being finicky about the pic not being up to par quality-wise when he obviously loved it.
Turning back? To what?
And fuck, of course I think Ome's hurt. I KNOW she's hurt. I knew she would be when I blocked her, but I would of just yelled at her if she started repeating your damn broken "don't run away from your problems" record after I gave her my goodbyes.
If I didn't think she's hurt, I wouldn't bother reading your journal for clues on how she's doing, because ever since the breakup it's like you two fell off the face of the Earth.
Today is the first time I see Ome post anywhere we used to since.
Funny how you kept treating me like an antisocial loner, and yet I'm here posting where I always have, being as open as can be, and knowing this will probably end up in my journal on two other websites.
Though the best of ironies, is that you're calling me a mooch when I've been stubbornly refusing every money offer I've had unless I was dealing with an emergency, and still am refusing help so I can do things on my own, and I even managed to get a job at my backwater middle of nowhere town!
And then watch you, having to keep talking with your current roommate and mooch off his sympathy/pity for having a roof over your head for FREE when I have to pay my parents to live in a room that's barely over the size of the interior of a big van. And now you're moving in with Ome, where you will POSSIBLY get a job, but are not sure. If not you're /again/ going to be getting the free roof. How convenient.
And that's that. Whatever, seeing Ome can stand idly and watch you claim things like this, I know it's over for good.
~
On a MUCH happier note; whoo! I got a new Harddrive. No more being stuck at barely 10gigs left. Now I can afford to make decently big-sized scans to work on ;3
HOPEFULLY we'll see something more on comic development. Hopefully. It's been trotting in my mind a lot.
The only thing that's been picking at my nerves is my ex's journal.
At first I didn't mind it. Everyone else I know who saw it said shi was off her rocker, so meh.
Yesterday though, I realised those are Trillian Timestamps.
Kay, I can deal with not talking anymore. I can deal with not gaming together anymore. I can deal with her telling herself that what she thinks is the absolute truth, but god, if I'm not mistaken at those Timestamps, she was either venting/making a bad name for me with other people.
Sure, I don't mind. But the LEAST she could do if she's going to bring up my past is get the facts right, geez.
Aformentionned Journal :
[link]
Yes, I image'd it. This way she can't delete it like her past journal entries, or the comments Tom made correcting her on some of the things she said.
Sure Sae, keep going "LALALA NOT LISTENING."
The following might not all be S(afe)F(or)W(ork), and most likely TMI.
But if she's going to try to claim knowing the truth, might as well post the /real/ truth.
Now let's get started.
[20:46] Seri Otter: Ome and Doomie meet Cait.
[20:46] Seri Otter: Cait joins them.
[20:46] Seri Otter: And then Kitten.
[20:46] Seri Otter: And then Pat.
[20:46] Seri Otter: And then Pat uses Doomie for sex and is told to leave.
[20:46] Seri Otter: and then Tom joins.
[20:47] Seri Otter: wait no
[20:47] Seri Otter: pat uses Doomie is told to leave
[20:47] Seri Otter: and then Kitten leaves.
[20:47] Seri Otter: and THEN
[20:47] Seri Otter: Tom joins.
Wait what? What's this bullcrap timeline?
Me and Ome met and got together with Cait.
We met TOM.
Tom joined, if shortly. Then took time away from us when Pat joined because he didn't like him all that much and he needed time seperate from a relationship to gauge how he feels about his orientation.
Through Pat we met Kitten.
Aaaand... wait, WHAT? Used for sex? Look, /I/ dumped Pat because he turned out to be a lying sleezebag who, outside of his spare moments of niceness, stole things from his workplaces, faked his legal info, drove irresponsably and, right before going to the hospital in January, I couldn't contact him ANYHOW for 36 fucking whole hours via all of phone, email and MSN and even having Ome and Cait tell him to call me URGENTLY.
Sex? No, the sex had nothing to do with it. Fact is, the sex was great actually. Just because a guy can act like a complete douchebag doesn't mean he can't use his cock right. I'll give him THAT much.
As far as using me, well, uh.. no, not really. I actually went for it first more often than not.
But yes. /I/ talked with Cait about dumping Pat, because when we saw him try to trip the three of us apart, I had seen enough. (Well, I already had, but Kitten was being insisty about giving him a chance even though she was sick of him not paying attention to her.)
And later on /I/ dumped him, and Cait and Ome followed suit, since we had missed Ome online for a while.
Then Kitten eventually left.
Then Tom came back to us after some soul-searching (and fun nights in Amsterdam =D ) and knowing he didn't have to endure Pat anymore.
THAT's the right timeline. An about... 5-6 month span.
~ Moving on...
[20:47] Seri Otter: I saw Tom as suspicious and like Pat.
[20:47] Seri Otter: So did Ome
[20:47] Seri Otter: We pointed it out.
[20:47] Seri Otter: Tom was told to leave.
You know, until now I agreed with you on that one. Mainly because I let myself get influenced by your paranoia and my own insecurities doubling over.
But you know what? Ome had actually asked Tom to do the Master/Pet thing with her again, and /I/ was the one who kept baiting Tom to be the whimsiccal charming, because I absolutely loved every moment of it.
Then again you also borderline-blamed Tom for the 7chan raid on my gallery because he checks it out for laughs, and as far as I know you probably still do, omitting the random notes from PSTP that Mred was most possibly behind the whole thing.
~
[20:47] Seri Otter: Cait kept picking fights with Ome and myself
[20:47] Seri Otter: so shortly after she was told to leave.
Picking fights? No, not really. If she disagrees on something she does argue it for a good while, but hey, nobody's perfect. I never had any trouble with Cait myself, so I'm seeing this is a /communication/ and /patience/ issue, not just her picking fights.
Yeah, she DID come to me all the time afterwards. Why? Well maybe because I was the only one of us who knew how to talk to her without making her feel like a complete blonde dipshit. Most arguements were actually started in casual chat because she wouldn't agree on something, and rather than explain it calmly to her, both of you would go on a "NO UR WRONG AHM RIGHT, AHM ALWAYS RIGHT" binge and cram stuff down her throat till you made her feel like she's flunking 3rd grade.
Sure, yes, I completely agree she can be stubbornly persistant even when she's wrong, but you don't cure a depressive person by giving them a gun and telling them to shoot themselves.
Patience is a virtue. Doubly so in communication.
Like, a shit ton of it.
~
[20:48] Seri Otter: so it was down to Ome, Doomie and myself.
[20:48] Seri Otter: And we wanted to make things work.
[20:48] Seri Otter: but Doomie was facing troubles at home and gender issues
[20:48] Seri Otter: or so it seemed.
Seemed?
SEEMED?
Fesus jucking braindead popsicle monkeys on fire!
Have you READ any of the journals?
Have I not been to and back from the mental ward for severe pressure breakdown?
Have I not nearly gone homeless, losing my apartment after McD's cut me down from a 30-40 hours per week schedule to zippo/nada?
Have I not moved out simply because my family was really THAT much of a bunch of quacks?
Let's pile some more on that! What about the confidence issues, the budget issues, the fact that after coming out of the hospital I was too damn weak to start working again right away, and that at that point the ONLY thing I could do is go back to that stupid family of quacks? That I'm STUCK here in Quebec until I can get my transition done, and that it's been over 5 years now and that I only NOW finally started getting the proper medical help I've been looking for? I can name more. Dental problems, issues with my physical looks, issues with my art, chronic artblock among other things, and that I'm starting to lose interest in drawing alltogether after 4 failed attempts at starting a webcomic, which has so far been my life force and driving goal?
There we go, that's the tip of the iceberg. Do I need to go down into the thick part and start naming more?
...good God. SEEMED like I had issues?
If that's SEEMED, I don't want to know what "has slight issues" is.
I pity whoever's "Knees deep in issues".
~
[20:48] Seri Otter: Ome was Doomie's closest person, ironically in what was supposed to be an even relationship.
Oh hey, that MIGHT have something to do with never meeting you in person, and knowing you PERSONALLY for barely a month compared to Ome who's been close enough to hold me, and have been with for nearly two years.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: Doomie plays games for 12 hours straight in one sitting.
Why yes, if I have 12 hours straight of nothing to do, and I feel like gaming rather than doing anything else, sure, I'll play for 12 hours if the game is interesting enough for me.
OH HEY, DATING SERIOUS GAMER GIRL, LET'S NOT EXPECT HER TO GAME LOTS.
No, I'm definitely not a pro. But I /do/ like my gaming.
And considering it's the best stress relief I've found, and considering the huge amount of crap I deal with on a daily basis, I do happen to game a lot for stress relief, thank you very much.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: And she's forget that either Ome or I exist.
Actually, when I played games I was nearly /always/ AT LEAST on either your Ventrilo or on MSN. If I was gonna forget you two existed, I wouldn't have done group pics of us, taken time out of my day to fix my sleep schedule to see the both of you as much as I could, and stuck around on MSN when nobody's saying anything just in case you or Ome popped a squeak every now and then.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: Which we confront her about, as well as a couple issues about her ego and talking about how great she is at things.
You know, this is one I have to completely agree with you on.
I /DO/ have a ginormous ego. But for some reason, no matter how much I say it, all the closest people I am to don't seem to believe me. Odd. Oh well, it's not like I'm quiet about it either.
As for confronting... well it pretty much went along the lines of :
"Oh hey we don't like that you do this, change. NOW.
Or else we'll WALL'O'TEXT you about it next time you come back from an already shitty day, just to make things worse, and go LALALA NOT LISTENING when you tell us to give you a break."
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: Without much time to think about things
[20:49] Seri Otter: she blames all of it on me, and leaves Ome.
[20:49] Seri Otter: Crushed.
Actually, thinking time I had lots of. I'd been thinking about leaving you and Ome together as your own couple ever since you dumped TOM, before you guys even decided to get rid of Caitlin.
I'd actually been thinking about it enough for it to start making my hands shake at work, which was rendering me pretty much useless as a wrapper.
So yes, I left Ome. What probably hit the nerve moreso is that I blocked both of you.
Why? Because of the email Ome sent me when she noticed I blocked her. Saying I'm rushing things. Saying I'm "running away from my problems". Basically repeating everything you kept saying, because as far as I know, Ome's letting herself be influenced by you just like she did with me (apparently, she claims her gender idendity was influenced in her latest Sallies post), by Pat and then by Tom before you came in the picture. Pretty much every person in the relationship that wasn't more submissive than her.
She was playing the broken record of you, even though everyone else I talked to agreed that it was a choice for the better.
So yes, I blame it on you. if you didn't come along, you wouldn't have talked with Ome about Tom, and kicked him out. Same with Cait. And then I wouldn't have had to leave for you two to be happy together.
But why is that a BAD thing? Of course I blame you, if we take you out of the time continuum here, it WOULDN'T have happened, or at least, wouldn't have had YET. You just sped up the process.
As far as I know that's a GOOD thing. Because Ome was miserable, and distant to all of us lately. Now she has someone to confide in and be happy with.
...and crushed you say?
Like I said, Ome was already miserable before I left. She's been HAPPIER with you around. Considering we kept ending up fighting, it made her even more miserable.
I took your own advice, I stopped running from the problem. Actually, I can't really run from myself; /I/ was the problem in /YOUR/ relationship. Knowing Ome's happier with you, I was happy just knowing she'd be as well in the long run, because staying would of only led to things getting even worse.
~
[20:49] Seri Otter: After Ome had tried to buy her a plane ticket to fly her to a new home
[20:50] Seri Otter: and after it was purchased
[20:50] Seri Otter: she decided to take an offer from her mom for an apartment
[20:50] Seri Otter: thusly destroying the $600 ticket
See, this is another case of you not knowing the full story, and acting like you do. Well, you don't.
I don't know if you knew, but the ticket was meant to help me get to B.C. to go live with a friend's friend until I was settled and making enough money to be on my own. It just so happens that AFTER we got the ticket, I learned that this guy's family wasn't necessarily the cleanest around. Drug-wise.
And yes, it was 600$. Ome was the one who offered it.
And when I asked her about payback, she said it was fine.
So then one of my friends let my mom in on it. My mom panicked and called her sister. Blah, long story short, my UNCLE (not my mom) offered me 1500$ to try getting settled in an apartment closer to here. Mom offered to help me look for it.
So yeah... I had to choose between going to BC with nothing in my pockets, near-diddly work experience, and somehow survive on my own there until Ome gets around the fact she can NEVER get a visa to Canada because she hasn't finished highschool...
-OR-
I could take my uncle and mom's offer, get a place here, near all the clinics I needed to visit (and we would have had to move back here for them anyways), have basic furniture, keep my comp, get help for the 3 first months and do what I can from there.
I don't know about you, but the choice was easy for me.
So yeah, I destroyed the ticket. And then I askedOme if she wanted me to pay back for it. She pretty much responded along the lines of "No, it's fine, I understand."
I didn't question her on it. I needed what money I could for rent and bills. If she REALLY wanted it back that much, she really just needed to ask or stop denying it.
In the end it came to being moot because of the pressure breakdown due to the Pat situation and the loss of hours making me lose the apartment, but I don't really regret my choice at all. At the time of it, choosing the ticket over the other offer was just plain dumb.
~
[20:50] Seri Otter: When Ome confronted her, she said Cait was her closest.
Actually, I said that, AT THE TIME, Cait was closer to me, EMOTIONALLY.
Read : At the present moment, lately, of recent events, during the past few weeks/months, etc...
I always trusted Ome more than anyone because of how much she's done to take care of me and help me out of problems. I've gone as far as trusting her with my life.
But that doesn't mean we're close on every level. Cait was closer to me emotionally as of late because Ome just plain grew distant from me while Cait kept prodding to know what was bothering me.
~
[20:50] Seri Otter: Pretty much, since Ome wasn't her ego booster and financial backbone, she quit.
[20:50] Seri Otter: Without thinking.
Actually, you two BOTH offered to help me pay rent to get away from my family and to help with medical bills.
That's some mighty nice financial backbone right there.
No, I chose to NOT take the money. My ego boosts itself just fine thank you, and "Without thinking"? Read all the above parts.
~
[20:51] Seri Otter: And she made it evident, even with all the very blatant hints that Tom had surrounding him, giving a very ... unsettling Aura.
[20:51] Seri Otter: She said she could go with him, and he serenades her on Deviantart.
Blatant hints? As far as I know, Tom's been an amazing guy so far. It's a damn shame your paranoia is making you blind to it. :/
~
[20:51] Seri Otter: Not to mention she said she could with Cait
[20:51] Seri Otter: who ...
[20:52] Seri Otter: has no ambition in life. Is 26. Lives with her parents. I don't even think she takes her gender issues seriously (she claims to be MtF Transgendered)
No ambition in life? She's been applying to jobs. She's been applying to colleges to go into Sound Recording Arts. Yes, she lives with her parents. That MIGHT have something to do with her dad mooching every damn penny she has everytime she has a job, and now she's stuck with bills and bad credit to her name because of him.
Yeah, sure, she could stand up to him. And he could esily kick her out of the house. Being homeless would be pretty damn counter-productive.
I've talked with her about the issues before. She does take it seriously, but she's more concerned about settling the other problems in her life. She's not going to be able to afford anything anyways until she A) gets out, -or- B) gets her dad out of her wallet.
~
[20:52] Seri Otter: And another thing
[20:52] Seri Otter: Doomie had sex with Pat.
[20:52] Seri Otter: Because they lived near eachother
[20:52] Seri Otter: and she showed it on webcam
[20:52] Seri Otter: now if you're MtF Transgendered and gender dyphoric
[20:52] Seri Otter: for one, you won't likely want to have sex
[20:52] Seri Otter: for two, and most importantly
[20:52] Seri Otter: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHOW IT
[20:53] Seri Otter: NOT ON CAM
No, we had sex because goddamnit, I've been depraved for years and it's been driving me nuts. The first time I went at it with Pat must've been one of the most relieving things /EVER/. At that time, he hadn't yet grown into the lieing bastard we know him as now.
And yes, we did Cam. The problem is, you're here mentionning it like I was showing TEH WORLDZ. No, we were showing it to Cait and Ome because they were almost pretty much begging to see. (Haha, not like you could see much anyways.) It's an poly relationship, I don't see what the problem is if, somewhere down the line if things worked out, those two would of ended up someday seeing the same thing but IN PERSON. Geez.
Pretty ironic though you'd be going on like this when you'd almost brag about once having 10 people in bed and all the batshit crazy kink stuff you go on about...
No, I don't really WANT to have sex like this. But fuck if you can tell the difference between pre-and-post transition when you're the one taking it up in the rear end. (NOT the front)
You know, on a gender identity dysphoria level of speaking... I'm pretty damn sure of my identity. I want to correct the problem ASAP, but hell if I can't have even a little fun in 5-10 years with the unassociated parts or give pleasure to my lover (at my own expense) every now and then.
~
[20:53] Seri Otter: I think the move with Cary
[20:53] Seri Otter: which was supposed to be all of us living with a couple, Cary and Cody was because they thought
[20:53] Seri Otter: that Cait and Doomie would do nothing and Ome and I would pull money
[20:53] Seri Otter: and Tom was well off, so whatever. He had money.
[20:54] Seri Otter: Doomie wanted to be a "House Maiden"
[20:54] Seri Otter: I call bullshit. She wanted the easy way out.
Bullshit? BULLSHIT?
I'll give you what the bullshit is, the bullshit is your stupid ass waiting queue for getting a damn green card because of all the terrorism crap. (as if they'd wait for a visa. /durr )
Cary offered to house me AS AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT.
Well, what the fuck else than House Maiding would you want me to do? ANYTHING ELSE (that's declared) would get me deported!
~
[20:54] Seri Otter: And now.
[20:54] Seri Otter: All she's doing is leaching off of others pity.
[20:54] Seri Otter: And trying to get people to feel bad for her and boost her ego.
[20:54] Seri Otter: She's inflated. She's hopless.
[20:54] Seri Otter: hopeless*
[20:54] Seri Otter: And the fact that she mentioned considering turning back
[20:54] Seri Otter: sickens me.
[20:54] Seri Otter: like.
[20:55] Seri Otter: She doesn't even think Ome's hurt. Like the whole world revolves around her.
[20:55] Seri Otter: And if she does go after Tom again
[20:55] Seri Otter: It's more than like
[20:55] Seri Otter: likely*
[20:55] Seri Otter: because he has money.
[20:55] Seri Otter: And then she dares
[20:55] Seri Otter: to say this is all my fault
[20:55] Seri Otter: when she hasn't even made an attempt to reach out to Ome.
[20:55] Seri Otter: When I told both of them I'd throw in flag at any time if they needed to work things out.
[20:55] Seri Otter: Ironic, isn't it?
Leaching off others' pity?
Now there's low strikes, and then there's LOW strikes.
And this one was worse, even for you.
I cannot BELIEVE the nerve you have of saying this when I went out of my way when I already had little money to buy you a game, like I did for Cait and offered to do for Ome, so we could also spend time together having fun.
That /I/ was trying to pay the monthly fee for PSU for Cait so she could play with us until she could pay me back rather than you two just jump ahead onto something else and leave her behind again.
After the plane ticket thing, I've even been REFUSING nearly every gift Ome's tried to make me, other than WoW since it was to play with her, and HAVE been pestering her about paying her for the things.
And EVERY time, she'd say it's fine, or that the art was WELL enough.
Fuck, when I finished Lunther's second comission, my first REAL MONEY, USD-paid comission, he had to nearly stuff the damn 30$ down my throat before I took it because I was being finicky about the pic not being up to par quality-wise when he obviously loved it.
Turning back? To what?
And fuck, of course I think Ome's hurt. I KNOW she's hurt. I knew she would be when I blocked her, but I would of just yelled at her if she started repeating your damn broken "don't run away from your problems" record after I gave her my goodbyes.
If I didn't think she's hurt, I wouldn't bother reading your journal for clues on how she's doing, because ever since the breakup it's like you two fell off the face of the Earth.
Today is the first time I see Ome post anywhere we used to since.
Funny how you kept treating me like an antisocial loner, and yet I'm here posting where I always have, being as open as can be, and knowing this will probably end up in my journal on two other websites.
Though the best of ironies, is that you're calling me a mooch when I've been stubbornly refusing every money offer I've had unless I was dealing with an emergency, and still am refusing help so I can do things on my own, and I even managed to get a job at my backwater middle of nowhere town!
And then watch you, having to keep talking with your current roommate and mooch off his sympathy/pity for having a roof over your head for FREE when I have to pay my parents to live in a room that's barely over the size of the interior of a big van. And now you're moving in with Ome, where you will POSSIBLY get a job, but are not sure. If not you're /again/ going to be getting the free roof. How convenient.
And that's that. Whatever, seeing Ome can stand idly and watch you claim things like this, I know it's over for good.
~
On a MUCH happier note; whoo! I got a new Harddrive. No more being stuck at barely 10gigs left. Now I can afford to make decently big-sized scans to work on ;3
HOPEFULLY we'll see something more on comic development. Hopefully. It's been trotting in my mind a lot.
I'm pretty damn sure Ome's even more hurt now because I did mention her education level, but I'm not going to hold the little secrets if Sae's going to piss all over my name and try to slur me with mine (in a misinformed way on top of it all), especially while outing Cait on a public journal too. :/
Ome replied to the DA one asking that no more be spoken of all this, and I heartfully agree. I didn't even reply to the post, just as she asked, but I'm not going to keep holding my tongue if they can't honour their own word.
Over and over again through my life, I have seen poli relationships fall apart and almost all involved being hurt in some way. This is why I always warn anyone I know that is about to get into a these kinds of relationships that they have to tread lightly because I have not once seen it work out in the end. I mean I really hate to say it, but the moment I saw a third person get involved in Doomie and Ome's relationship I saw them start heading down a dark path. Then more and more were brought in and I knew that the over all strain of it all was growing and that eventually it would burst. So I am in no way surprised by all of this, I know human nature all too damn well.