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FUCKING FUCK FUCK!
15 years ago
Ahem, now that i got your attention...
my grandfather has passed away just last week... i saw him as he layed there dieing then after as we he was dead... the fucked up thing is i have not cryed, i dont know why if it was for me to be strong for my family... or what.. my grandfather was a great man on soo many levels, loved fishing with him.. its strange.. i cryed harder over my cat dieing more then him...
i dont know if if im becoming detached emotionaly from humans or what... no... that could not be right becouse i do love him despite the fact that ill never see him agen... and all the promises that where left undone...
shit is fucked up....
even more now the crazy hardcore shit is this lonelyness that im feeling has been amplified to a point where its turning to anger and frustraition.. yes a lot of it is sexual... no i im not ugly or fat... im just a loser with no job no money and a car that is hopefully being fixed soon soo i can have another chance...
my friends i thought where my friends still have not come over here.. maybe they know better, i get this feeling that if anyone messes with me... any one person i would ram the nearest blunt or sharp object deep into there brain and or gut.
fuck... and ive been putting off seeing my shrink.... why? dont want all my crazy to fall out infront of her to give her insentive to bakeract me...
hmm....
hmm....
fuck it...
-SynisterWrath
my grandfather has passed away just last week... i saw him as he layed there dieing then after as we he was dead... the fucked up thing is i have not cryed, i dont know why if it was for me to be strong for my family... or what.. my grandfather was a great man on soo many levels, loved fishing with him.. its strange.. i cryed harder over my cat dieing more then him...
i dont know if if im becoming detached emotionaly from humans or what... no... that could not be right becouse i do love him despite the fact that ill never see him agen... and all the promises that where left undone...
shit is fucked up....
even more now the crazy hardcore shit is this lonelyness that im feeling has been amplified to a point where its turning to anger and frustraition.. yes a lot of it is sexual... no i im not ugly or fat... im just a loser with no job no money and a car that is hopefully being fixed soon soo i can have another chance...
my friends i thought where my friends still have not come over here.. maybe they know better, i get this feeling that if anyone messes with me... any one person i would ram the nearest blunt or sharp object deep into there brain and or gut.
fuck... and ive been putting off seeing my shrink.... why? dont want all my crazy to fall out infront of her to give her insentive to bakeract me...
hmm....
hmm....
fuck it...
-SynisterWrath
The same to me when my frikkin dad passed.
My sister cried over her dog dying as i cried wither. spilling a tear.
EVERYone baaaawd when dad passed, 'cept me. all I did was stand there and watched as my family was huddled together crying. i felt waaay bad about not crying with them. I dunno, it was just not in me to cry atm. PFFFT! I still feel weird for not crying today!
but i has a new cat now her name is blair and i loves her!! D:<
lol
dont know if i should feel bad... maybe i should go to my shrink..
felt like gold the next day~
all kidding aside, i think i will break down one day....
anyways
right now the only thing on my mind is sex.... how fucked up is that?
then agen... im a guy soo i guess thats normal but soo soon after a loved one dies...
and i dont think dating websites would work for me, after all im not what you would call normal..
me talking about animals and such the way i do, as well as being in certain things that others would find... well lets just say the christians would stone me to dead which right now doesnt sound half bad couse im not actualy loving and fuck... im rambling like crazy am i?
guess i need to make new friends but even that is hard for me... i dont talk to people... i think i sould have been born a girl with big breasts maybe then id get some attention... or be able to pounce random people with out them yelling 'RAPE' hmm... dont know...
like i said... shit is fucked up.
I could say quite for certain, that you are EXACTLY like my fiancee!
She says she's sooooo anti social, and couldn't make a friend even if she tried.
(Then i came and sat at her table in high school, and changed her life. lol)
BLEH! I think she's social enough to get many friends! She has friends but she apparently has a "strict" friend policy, or something.
Maybe you'd be the next person to just sit at that certain someones table. :3
i live in B.F.E. i think ive said this before but getting around, around here is stupid unless you have a car walking 22+ miles to get anywhere, even more to get to the mall.. even there though... ive got no confidence no self esteam... no reason to walk up and talk to people... no money... soo no reason to be there.. and yes ive done that before... ive been at the mall... for no reason at all... its crazy bullshit... maybe i need to get wacked on the head a couple of times to forget to be smart and over think everything mainly myself soo id stand somewhat of a chance in a social situation where i know for a fact i would not have a word in before me walking away... to be alone in public....
gah... i need a job... soo i can buy a dog... so i could have a companion or friend.. that i know would not walk out on me or stab me in the back or if a relationship started would not cheat on me.. hmm... o_____o
We'd be getting married when we both finish college.
And until we get a place together, we both are staying with our parents, atm.
We both applied for the same job, and haven't gotten a response yet...(maybe they're making up their minds! yeah, that's it![totally not in denial])
I don't think she's gone to the mall with no moniez before. She might have, but just a guess.
And she plans to cover our house with felines. =A=
pleh! Anything over a dog. (MuCH more of a cat person) but if i were to get a dog, it'd be an unshaven standerd poodle! :3
I'll alter teh fur mahselfs! >:3
hmm, soo you guys are still kinda kids.. lol got my GED at 18 totaly bypassed the whole collage thing, well kinda... i did take classes for computer programming.... SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN INTO COMPUTER GAPHICS ART AND DESIGN THOUGH!!!! fuck me sideways yea... hmmm hmmmmmm i might be a better artist in like 10 years... dont know... cant see that far in the future.
as for the dog thing nice! i would have something like a husky, or a malamute, pretty eyes and that, maybe a german shepard husky mix pure white fur with a blue eye and the other brown. that would be the dog of my dreams. no seriously... i dream about this dog... !!!! D:<
gah... if only i could find me a girl with a fursona like that... >_>
bah... id prolly get cheated on agen, and lied too... hmmm sucks having no trust.... unless it is a four legged friend, then id have all the trust in the world.
My sis has a german shepard and huskeh~ (not so much on the floofy side though) And she's pretty...hyperactive.
ALSO!!!
If you wanna get what you want(gals~~~) Just be more active, you know? Even if you kinda guess that this new gal may cheat/use you. You dont know for certain. Thing is, change is good. I learned that the hard way. (failed my last OGT, and had to take it again, in summer school...missed the whole frackin summer!!)
just trust more. little by little even. trust ME! It'll pay off.
becouse every time i do trust i get hurt more, and its to the point where im thinking im better off alone...
will think about that though, despite how i know trusting people agen will only end in bitter failure and emtional pain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfqZ7suQ0_I
I'll call and raise you some skillet http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP0Ne9aW7UI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLb7-bq8kd8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4CBAoh36EU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf4g.....eature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li1c.....eature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m54kEblqhU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onUWK9kTfAo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExP2ei65wzU
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLSo5nh7abs
are what i leave you while I get some well earned rest, however I look forward to the new day tomorrow, so give this a play if you don't hear from me in the morn...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgOXHYjnoF0
I'll start things off with
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mrx2naUGeh8
sleep well