There's a lot of things I wish I could explain.

But if I reach out and try, my intentions will be misunderstood. Will. There's no confusing that.

So I question myself, why do I feel the need to explain? Maybe it would make me feel better, to openly justify some of the choices I've made.

But if that is the case, it would be a pretty selfish reason to explain something, wouldn't it?

I'd hope my explanation would bring some kind of comfort to whomever may be involved, to give an opportunity to show what motivated me to act as I have.

Is it a sign of being jaded to doubt that the true intent would be overlooked, even if mistakenly, for some other driver?

Or maybe it's a sign that other people are jaded, because I don't truly think I'd be believed.

...

I've had people beg me not to become hard, and you know, I honestly try very hard to retain some of the hope and ability to trust others that we are all born with.

But it seems like every day that gets more difficult to do.

No matter how good your intent is, sometimes there are people in your life you simply cannot help. Maybe they won't listen, or maybe they just are blind to what you are trying to help them with.

Or maybe they misunderstand kindness for feelings that are not what they may seem to be.

Lately, no one seems to be what they seem to be. Is the world, or more accurately, our society, being devoured by chaos?

Do we distrust others so much that we must make our own lives, ideals and morals liquid and ever changing to prevent others from hurting us?

Do we dislike ourselves so much that we cannot stand to see our own reflections in the morning?

Because I refuse to cave.

For instance, today I did something I am very proud of. I made a big difference in several lives.

They don't even know it.

But recognition isn't why I do what I do. It's the satisfaction in knowing that these people never have to think about what happened today. They can think about their tomorrow.
Of course I met resistance.
I met insecurity.
I made people nervous.

But what I did made sure everyone got to go home safely today.

I refuse to put people in harm's way over petty insecurities. Even if the danger doesn't seem real to others.

The unexpected can happen.

...

Because of me, we all knew what to do if the unexpected happened.

That is why I do what I do.


And if being true to myself means seeing danger where others can't... which in turn means everyone goes home safe... I can celebrate that, even if it's privately while in the face of adversity.

Shouldn't that apply figuratively as well?

If I see my friend punching themselves in the face... am I much of a friend to just let them?

If they are using my hand to do it...

Does it make me a bad person to remove myself... to remove the weapon with which they hurt themselves?

Yessiree, Bob... one day I'll save the world.

*sigh*