I have come to a startling realization.

It happened because my mother's been complaining a lot about how snarky I'm getting lately. She's not the only one griping about it and it's true, I am becoming
a lot less pleasant and generally more aggressive in demeanor lately.

And I'm afraid I've realized why.

Do any of you know what it's like to feel totally powerless to change anything about your life for the better?

I didn't realize that's what was getting to me until just a few minutes ago, but it clicks into place like puzzle piece. I've been feeling lately like I'm never going to do with my life anything I really want to.... and it's absolutely infuriating.

I've been practicing Qi Gong for almost a decade now, on and off. I'm used to being able to cause devastating change in my own life and the lives surrounding me merely by willing it so, by meditation.

Powerless is not a word I would ever have used to describe myself before this point. And it's the last thing that comes to mind for most who know me at all.


I forgot what it was like, it's been so long. No wonder I wanted to die when I was younger.

Looking back, I really don't blame myself.