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Just that you know....
15 years ago
General
Ok I was going through hard times the last months. I just find out that I am not happy in my relationship.
I was searching 2 Months for the answer why and I just noticed that it was not because something my BF did to me...it was because I know I am not the right person for him.
I just want you all know that
Jaleo is the best guy you could wish to be together with. He is a awesome mate and love you true and powerfull he give everything for you when you give him the feeling that you truly love him. And I never was with a guy like him. He ask less just some small things maybe you just hae to hold back and think with your head not with your cock. But when you do he is the best you ever can get.
And because I see that so clear and because I want him happy I think I was not happy the last months.
When I look into myself I see a sick and bad person. I am selfish and if I would meet myself somewhere I would probably try to just kill me because I would not like myself at all.
I ask Jaleo to marrige me one year ago and I wanted to give him a good solide and happy life.
But when I am true to myslef all i did was for my good and never for him. When I saw my friends and how they act in there relationships the last months I just became sad...I just saw how deep they love each other and because that they are able to come over everything.
And I became sad because I saw that I am not able to do that. My Mate he always did everything for me he was going to leave his family and country just to be with me.....and what was with me I was not even able to stop my desire or things that maybe should not count so much...
With the beginning of this year I fall in a deep depression and I was sad all the time...and when the days go by I just had this feeling in me and it became stronger and stronger....And it was killing me when I find out after my surgery that its me who caused that.
In all I did I was never a good mate I was selfish I was grumpy and bad...I became mad because small simple things and what hurted me the most that once I could not hold back and just hurted my mate with pushing him hard so his surgeried shoulders was hurting so much and he was crying....I am a monster if you ask me...
So what I am supposed to do...actually I dont know...I know myself and I know I hurted him a lot the last 2 years I was with him. Beside I did things I dont want to mention here at all.
And before I go on I want to say one thing that its clear for everybody...I still love him and I hope he know that and I hope he can get back on his feet... I cryed more the last 8 weeks than I ever did before and I am not leaving him for my good or because I want somebody else...everybody who think that can come to me and I just kill you all with my bare hands....
Everyone who ever loved close to this knows what I am saying anyone who want a dream to come true knows how I am feeling...All I imagine is heaven on earth I know it is you....everyone who ever kissed in the rain knows the whole meaning...but everything more or less appears so meaningless blue and cold....now that its over
I know myself and the last 10 years I had a lot relationships. And Always the ones who came out broken was my mates. Maybe its me maybe I am just a monster something that break people.
But the last two years I saw what a nice and caring person jaleo is and that he deserve much better than me.
Look at me the nice looking cute guy with the big cock and his sweet blue eyes..funny..lovely..smart with a nice job and money and for most of you perfect...thats what you after? Ask him what you get when you have a guy like me...just PAIN
And look at him....he is kind..his body is not perfect he dont go in your rp-games or is talking about sex and cocks and he is far away from easy going he is a bullhead and all you guys that are after guys like me would never notice him on a party....but ask me what you get when you have him...love true eternal love that just lifting you up.
And now all of you will ask why when he is so perfect in all this I cant be with him anymore....
Because one simple thing I am not good enough...
I saw it.. and I am pushing him away.. I want him to go even if I deep inside my heart dont want this...but its the best for him..I will cheat him make him cry and feel sad I will maybe not break him tomorrow or in 1 year but for sure I will break him in 2-3 years...and I cant do that. All guys I had before I never cared so much about them I always just wanted my good and I cant take the risk I do the same with him break his heart and his body it would kill him I dont wanne take away his life..
Gerard you are awesome you are not perfect but I hope I showed you that when you believe in yourself you can get all you want and even more...and specially because you want me I have to go because I am not good for you I am a monster I am killing your soul and always your happy mood ...maybe because I am not happy and I dont like to see that you are more happy than I pls dont fall down. There are plenty other things in life that are important and much more than me...I still love you...but I must be fair...I have to be once in our relationship not selfish and go for your good
And instead of telling me now how bad I am leaving him would you guys do me a fav. and take care of my little pony because he need true friends now like he did always just be there for him cheer him up and make him come over me I want him be good and I would do that still as a friend but he dont want me for this what I respect but if you can help him and be there I would be really thankful.
*sigh*
Thanks for reading
Polar
I was searching 2 Months for the answer why and I just noticed that it was not because something my BF did to me...it was because I know I am not the right person for him.
I just want you all know that
Jaleo is the best guy you could wish to be together with. He is a awesome mate and love you true and powerfull he give everything for you when you give him the feeling that you truly love him. And I never was with a guy like him. He ask less just some small things maybe you just hae to hold back and think with your head not with your cock. But when you do he is the best you ever can get.And because I see that so clear and because I want him happy I think I was not happy the last months.
When I look into myself I see a sick and bad person. I am selfish and if I would meet myself somewhere I would probably try to just kill me because I would not like myself at all.
I ask
Jaleo to marrige me one year ago and I wanted to give him a good solide and happy life. But when I am true to myslef all i did was for my good and never for him. When I saw my friends and how they act in there relationships the last months I just became sad...I just saw how deep they love each other and because that they are able to come over everything.
And I became sad because I saw that I am not able to do that. My Mate he always did everything for me he was going to leave his family and country just to be with me.....and what was with me I was not even able to stop my desire or things that maybe should not count so much...
With the beginning of this year I fall in a deep depression and I was sad all the time...and when the days go by I just had this feeling in me and it became stronger and stronger....And it was killing me when I find out after my surgery that its me who caused that.
In all I did I was never a good mate I was selfish I was grumpy and bad...I became mad because small simple things and what hurted me the most that once I could not hold back and just hurted my mate with pushing him hard so his surgeried shoulders was hurting so much and he was crying....I am a monster if you ask me...
So what I am supposed to do...actually I dont know...I know myself and I know I hurted him a lot the last 2 years I was with him. Beside I did things I dont want to mention here at all.
And before I go on I want to say one thing that its clear for everybody...I still love him and I hope he know that and I hope he can get back on his feet... I cryed more the last 8 weeks than I ever did before and I am not leaving him for my good or because I want somebody else...everybody who think that can come to me and I just kill you all with my bare hands....
Everyone who ever loved close to this knows what I am saying anyone who want a dream to come true knows how I am feeling...All I imagine is heaven on earth I know it is you....everyone who ever kissed in the rain knows the whole meaning...but everything more or less appears so meaningless blue and cold....now that its over
I know myself and the last 10 years I had a lot relationships. And Always the ones who came out broken was my mates. Maybe its me maybe I am just a monster something that break people.
But the last two years I saw what a nice and caring person
jaleo is and that he deserve much better than me. Look at me the nice looking cute guy with the big cock and his sweet blue eyes..funny..lovely..smart with a nice job and money and for most of you perfect...thats what you after? Ask him what you get when you have a guy like me...just PAIN
And look at him....he is kind..his body is not perfect he dont go in your rp-games or is talking about sex and cocks and he is far away from easy going he is a bullhead and all you guys that are after guys like me would never notice him on a party....but ask me what you get when you have him...love true eternal love that just lifting you up.
And now all of you will ask why when he is so perfect in all this I cant be with him anymore....
Because one simple thing I am not good enough...
I saw it.. and I am pushing him away.. I want him to go even if I deep inside my heart dont want this...but its the best for him..I will cheat him make him cry and feel sad I will maybe not break him tomorrow or in 1 year but for sure I will break him in 2-3 years...and I cant do that. All guys I had before I never cared so much about them I always just wanted my good and I cant take the risk I do the same with him break his heart and his body it would kill him I dont wanne take away his life..
Gerard you are awesome you are not perfect but I hope I showed you that when you believe in yourself you can get all you want and even more...and specially because you want me I have to go because I am not good for you I am a monster I am killing your soul and always your happy mood ...maybe because I am not happy and I dont like to see that you are more happy than I pls dont fall down. There are plenty other things in life that are important and much more than me...I still love you...but I must be fair...I have to be once in our relationship not selfish and go for your good
And instead of telling me now how bad I am leaving him would you guys do me a fav. and take care of my little pony because he need true friends now like he did always just be there for him cheer him up and make him come over me I want him be good and I would do that still as a friend but he dont want me for this what I respect but if you can help him and be there I would be really thankful.
*sigh*
Thanks for reading
Polar
was seeing it since how he was acting in his drawing lately. and saddens me because i think u both were cool together.
but
even if i been reading all ure "explanation" i admit idont get it...
i been reading it twice and i admit i dont get you and i dont think my english is the problem
its really you i dont understand
sorry
goodluck to u and i hope u ll feel better
<hugs>
I was hoping you'd finally found someone you could be together and happy with. It sure looked like it which makes this even more sad.
I'm really sorry, for both of you.
thats fair?
I don't understand why, if you love him, you wouldn't change your behavior.
You could live this way and be happy? And dont tell me you would live a unhappy live just to make others happy....you are human and humans are not this way sooner or later you would do the same everybody would and try to be happy again....
You have no clue about our relationship..... Its sweet how much people here come and tell me about love when are kids....
und das machts echt schwer für mich das ganze zu verstehen... bist du wirklich sicher, dass du das willst? =/ sich etwas zu ändern ist leicht aber jemanden wie ihn wiederzufinden ist verdammt schwer....
Ich will keine schmutzige wäsche waschen aber glaube mir "etwas" ist in diesem zusammenhang nicht das richtige wort. Und ich verliere ungern meine Identität nur um jemand anderen damit glücklich zu machen das ist nicht was eine beziehung machen sollte.
.....
You need to grow up and act like an adult.
Beside nobody know him like I do I lived the last 2 years with him so I bet you would not even last 1 year with him in a relationship so pls
And acting like an adult include to make hard decisions even if they hurt people.....I have to do all to make him happy even if I am not thanks for your words want see you in the situation....*sigh*
You are not the only one here who have experience in love relationships. Like I've told you earlier, I have certainly more than you, and I'm young. And DO NOT think we are all children. You may be 27 or what the hell you are, but know this, you are not in the centre of everything. Jaleo is feeling bad sick right now and you think you do it for HIS own good. And if you still love him you ought to at least get a BETTER explanation.
As for your willingness to hurt people that is as plain as day. That does not take any maturity what so ever. From Jaleo's posts he seems quite hurt by your actions. If you where being an adult you would drop the act and be the adult you should have been from the start.
Now should you be in a relationship with Jaleo that is between you and Jaleo.
I tell you two something I had much more broken heart situations than you two together and you know why because I am older...
I had a hard life and I got everything I have because I fight and be adult.
I was more grown up in your age allready than you will be in mine and I hate if people like you... that know a shit about me judge any of my decisions. The only two persons that wrote something here that are able to judge me are
I doubt you are better person then I and I doubt you are more grown up than I if you would you just would have looked at my post and see what it was for.....to make you see and help Jaleo I took all the resposnibility and show it was no fault from his side even if its both of us who did mistakes but all you can do is bitch at me
You know who are the real grown ups the people that dont judge me and take my decision the give me a opinion but when I dont take it they are fine and let me be
You think am dancing have a good time you have no clue what I had in my head and my mind the last 2 fucking months and how hard this decision was for me so fuck off you two and stick your nose in stuff you are involved and able to talk about......
Oh really!?! And how old am I that I am younger than you?
Ich glaub zwar nicht das du darüber reden willst, aber wenn ja dann bin ich gern für dich da. Ich verurteile dich nicht, ich weiß sogar sehr gut wie du dich fühlst - hatte etwas ähnliches ja auch mal...
Jetzt musst du nur noch etwas in dir klären.
Du schaffst das.
Andererseits finde ich es schon schön zu sehen was für heuchler ich doch die ganze zeit hier um much habe. Mich regt es echt unglaublich auf das leute die keinen schimmer vom leben haben und meinen sie sind erwachsen mit ihren 18-21 jahren mir vorwürfe machen.
Ich will die ganzen vollidioten mal in der situation sehen wenn sie dann ihre pulsadern aufritzen oder sich sonst was antun.
Ich fühle mich nicht gut ihm wehzutun aber ich will nicht so sein wie Er ich will mich nicht in eine richtung entwickeln die ich absolut nicht mag die ich vorallem an ihm nicht mag und dann in 2 jahren sagen ich bin dies oder das und gefalle mir selber nicht mehr. Aber ihm gehts gut.
Die Ganzen leute sollten sich mal darüber klar werden das ich eine beziehung nicht auf teufel komm raus am leben erhalte auch wenn ich unglücklich bin nur damit es meinem partner gut geht.
Live the last two years I had and we will see if you even are able to get through the half of this time without leaving him alone.....stupid
Lass die reden, wen kümmerts. Ich find es aber auch erschreckend was hier so geschrieben wird.. Wenn man keine Ahnung hat.. na du weißt schon ;)
*hugs*
How about WORKING on yourself? Work your ass off. You're not "frozen" in one state, you can always become a better you, step by step. I'm sure your mate saw the real you and brought out the real you. Your little issues and stories can be overcome with the help of an awesome mate.
I know because the same is happening to me. In fact, as I read your little story there I see myself in it. I think you made a big mistake man.