Wait, you're gay and you've been married to this woman for 12 years?

22 years. ;)

The "rift" was 15 or 16 years ago and I finally came out (although not to everyone) 12 years ago.

Sooooo..... what are you going to do, now that she knows?

Not sure...caught me kind of by surprise actually...I hadn't intended to tell her yesterday.

Well, whatever does happen, good luck.

From what I've heard, surprise closet-jumping-out-ofs situations are the best. Sitting people down with the express intention to tell them just builds up too much tension, and rarely ends well.

Perhaps the fact that she knew for a while before it was brought up verbally helped. The initial shock had already happened, and she has had time to take it in.

Something similar happened to me with my mother when I admitted to being gay. ...She asked me if I was, I said yep, and she went "thought so". In retrospect, she knew I was gay even before I did (I only learned what sex was at 17. I was attracted to guys well before then, but had no clue why. not like those sex-ed classes in school explain anything)

Of course there were signs, like... using a summer dress as a night gown when 3-5, taking ballet and tap dancing, never not having huggable bunny stuffed animals, and so on.

I'm glad things worked out well for you. :) Personally, I will never come out to my family, ever.

That's good, but I think I might need a flow chart or something. So you are married to a woman and still married you are gay? Or not? Maybe a time line with pictures. Regardless, congratulations.

I know...my life is weird. Here's the cliff Notes version.

About 22.5 years ago, I got married to a girl from my high school. We had a good marriage for a while...but there began to be problems which I didn't understand at the time.

About 15-16 years ago, there was a falling out between my mom and sister (on one side) and my wife (on the other) after I was hospitalized for self-inflicted stupidity.

We didn't communicate with them for a few years years...but about the time we got back in touch I began to realize the reason for our problems...it wasn't that I didn't find her attractive or anything...it was because I needed COCK! Once I came to terms with THAT little revelation I figured my circumstances were about to alter dramatically...and possibly not well.

So I came out to her, assuming that she would want to get a divorce and marry the guy she was sort of interested in adn that I was pushing her at. But she didn't want me to leave, she wanted us to stay together...and as I had no real reason to leave (no boyfriend or anything) I didn't. We got a big house a few years ago where I live upstairs and she and her BF (yes, same guy) live downstairs. All very amicably. We've been together so long we just consider each other family.

But I never got up the nerve to tell my still slightly estranged, largely Conservative family.

Now you are up to date...sort of. ^0^

i know someone that was sortof in that situation with the being with a girl and then finding out he was not straight. They are married now and she finds him guys cause she likes watching and she is bi so he sometimes finds her girls to get it on with. he is bi so they still get together but he was expecting her to take off when he told her too and wham it was all good. strange how that happens sometimes

Yeah...NOT going to happen at my house. LOL I'm really not bi. That would be too weird for me...she's become like a sister to me...so it'd be incest! ;)

Okay. Thanks. So you are still married and she has a bf? Did you guys ever have kids? Did you ever have sex? Have you had any gay relationships since your revelation? I know this are personal questions and obviously you don't need to answer, I figured the worst would you saying you don't want to answer. I like to understand.

I know with conservative family how things are.

We got married nearly 23 years ago and I only came to terms with being gay 12 years ago. So until then, yes, we lived as a regular married couple--sex and everything. But as I got older I honestly believe I became more what I am...and so it became more and more difficult to fool myself that I was straight. I tried to tell myself I was bi for several years...

No kids. As it happens, she just wasn't able to have any...so in a way we were lucky, although she might disagree.

And yes--I have had gay "relationships". Mostly the FWB kind. No real, much less live-in BF. Not yet anyway.

Hope that helps. It's a bit unusual, but not as much as I thought it was.

Thank you for being so open. I honestly think you have helped me see the world a little clear than before.

Have fun with that. My dad went to his grave without me coming out and my mom probably will too. My brother and sister know and were all like Whatever have you seen this video on Youtube? (though my sister later did ask some odd questions that made me giggle at her ignorance)

but the thought of telling my dad was terrifing since i know he would have literally shot me. i have a phobia of guns mostly stemming from his actions as such.

My mom on the other hand... yeah. i am not sure what she would do but i am sure it would be extreme. and honestly either extreme acceptance or outrage are equally scary from her

Yikes! I have a phobia about guns too...especially ones aimed at me! That supposedly happened to me when I was really young...but I don't remember it. My mom has mellowed over the years...but she's still a bit of a redneck at heart.

I have stared down the barrel to many times with a few of them being at my dads angry hands. so yeah i guess i got a bit traumitized.

Makes me shudder just to think about it!! But, of course, it's the right of every unbalanced, redneck, radical alcoholic to own a gun here in Am'rca! Oops...sorry, just called your dad a bunch of names.

Well Unbalanced is right. Not an alcoholic. but an ex -hippie that went all Psycho once mom and dad stopped doing pot. before that it was like the brady bunch with occasional mild violence. he had at one point been a responsible gun owner and responsible hunter. after he quit pot and the steel industry fell apart so did he. and we were all the people in the way.

I'm so sorry. Must have been rough...especially if you had a much better version to look back on. *Hugs you*

HUGS
i really hope the fall out for you in minimal

You're gay??
I should have known from that time I was smoochin' with ya.
okay... TIMES, plural.

That reminds me, I need more smooches.

Miami! Long time, buddy! *smooch* To get better than that, you'll have to be at a con I'm at! ^0^

Longtime fan, first-time commenter. (er, something like that)
If i could make it to any cons other than Feral then perhaps.. we'll see what the future holds.

good luck man, told my brother and his wife that I slept with men and they didnt freak or instantly ban hammer me from their lives....parents however.... Hey look me up on Face book as Fred Richards :)

Dude! There are a LOT of Fred Richards! LOL Can you help me narrow it down? Send me a private note if that helps. *hugs*

Kids are awesome. ^^ None of my younger relatives care or mind in the least. My mom was upset for a while, but she's cool now. Grandparents though, who unfortunately found out first, well basically they think it was an act of rebellion. Though I'm pretty sure they really know, but enjoy the security blanket. *shrugs*

I hope your sister gets to visit ya, and often! Good luck dude.

good luck man.. im coming up on the one year anniversary of me coming out to my parents... and i wish i had done it 10 years ago.

Hi Fuzzy! Congrats on the looming anniversary. I just wish I could know if it would help or ruin my relationship with my parents...

Glad to hear it worked out well with your Sister. Family is important. And you are a great guy. We have not talked a whole lot but just the few times and I get the feeling you are awesome. You will find the one you are looking for soon.

*hugs warmly*

See you at Rainfurrest.

Hey--sorry we haven't talked in a while. I keep getting myslef buried in either projects or problems. :P I'm looking forward to seeing you at RF--we should sit down and have a good chat! *Hugs!!!*

So would love that. You're on. *hugs and nuzzles*

I'm glad that your sister took "the news" well. It's probably a good thing that you haven't told your parents since most parents don't take that kind of news well.

I'm 47 years old and I haven't told anyone in my family about my sexual orientation, although I must admit that I had spent much of my life in denial. My mom did ask me once, recently, if I was gay but she went about it all weird and kind of rudely so I didn't answer her, so she took it as a "yes". Oh well, it probably wouldn't surprise anyone in my family if I told them that I am gay buy why bother risking it? I'm pretty sure that my father would not take the news well at all since he doesn't care too much for gays, to put it mildly.

BTW, Mr. Werepuppy, your artwork is some of the first furry art that I remember seeing when I first began to use the Internet, back in '97 and I remember thinking "Wow! What a fantastic artist!"... and the subject matter wasn't too bad, either.

Keep up the great work! *watches you, now that he has finally found you*

I would actually like to come out to my family, but it's almost a matter of embarrassment now. I'm about to turn 46 and i've been married for over 23 years...so going to them now to tell them I'm gay feels kind of stupid. I am thinking of writing a letter to my adopted dad about it...I tried telling him once, but just couldn't manage it. Of course that was 4 or 5 years ago and I'm alot more comfortable about it now.

Meanwhile--thanks for the kind words about my art. I guess it's come full circle--I remember writing to other artists and telling them how they were among the first furry artists I ever saw and how they inspired me. LOL Funny to have someone saying that to me now...all these years later. ^0^ *Hugs*

Heh, yeah, I guess it would sound rather odd to the rest of your family if a man who was married to a woman for so many years was to tell them that he is gay. They would probably just take it as a joke and have a good laugh.

Aww.. thanks for the hug! *hugs you back* It wouldn't surprise me one bit if your art has inspired another fur, or two, or three, etc. Your are very talented. I would be satisfied if I was half as good as you. While browsing through your gallery, I stumbled upon a self-portrait that you did. I was floored because it almost looks like a photograph because of the amount of accurate detail in it. I lack the patience to practice drawing every day. Well, that plus I tend to obsess over things. Right now, it's Second Life.