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Broken
15 years ago
I've come to the realization that I'm more torn up then I can admit to myself or anyone else. Apple/Twilight....it will take me a LONG time to repair what you did to me....you were my everything...and then you just left...no one can fathom the loss. Having your true love, the one you considered your soul mate ripped from your palms...
Then again, you can also relate, I think...Caitlin.
I refuse to have a mate, or a love, at this point in time. If I try, it will be my broken self that's all they see...and I don't want anyone to fall for someone who isn't the true me. He's on Hiatus, and I'm going to take this time to battle my demons, and try to call him back to me.
If I say "I love you" to ANYONE until I post a journal labeled "Repaired" Or "Whole Again", it is not the mate kind of love I feel for you...
For me, there are different kinds...Companionship. Close Friends, possibly with benefits. Parental. Caregiver. Sibling. Offspring. Pet/Master. Owner. Life Companion. True/Soul Mate.
The lowest on the love hierarchy, is companion...these are just those chummychummy kind of friends you care for. The highest, is the soul mate/true love. Right below that, is a life companion. The rest fall somewhere between companion and life companion.
I thought I had my True Love/Soul mate. According to what I believe, each person gets only one....Can you all imagine now, how I feel? According to me, I had found mine. Was even engaged to him. And now he's gone. I don't get a second chance, unless my beliefs change....do I have to accept that I'll never feel that way again? Or do I have to keep trying, against all odds?
Whatever I have to do, I can't do for sure until I can repair the damage my cards have dealt to me.
Don't cause excessive drama for me, anyone. Its the last I need....I have to worry about me, my job, if I can afford to eat next week, and if I'll still have a roof to live under next month...this is no exaggeration, either. I don't want your pity, either...I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me.
It's times like these I regret quitting smoking....a cigarette always helped me calm down, and think. So far, I'm at least 7 months free of them...and a month clean from my other smoking choice. Yay me.
Then again, you can also relate, I think...Caitlin.
I refuse to have a mate, or a love, at this point in time. If I try, it will be my broken self that's all they see...and I don't want anyone to fall for someone who isn't the true me. He's on Hiatus, and I'm going to take this time to battle my demons, and try to call him back to me.
If I say "I love you" to ANYONE until I post a journal labeled "Repaired" Or "Whole Again", it is not the mate kind of love I feel for you...
For me, there are different kinds...Companionship. Close Friends, possibly with benefits. Parental. Caregiver. Sibling. Offspring. Pet/Master. Owner. Life Companion. True/Soul Mate.
The lowest on the love hierarchy, is companion...these are just those chummychummy kind of friends you care for. The highest, is the soul mate/true love. Right below that, is a life companion. The rest fall somewhere between companion and life companion.
I thought I had my True Love/Soul mate. According to what I believe, each person gets only one....Can you all imagine now, how I feel? According to me, I had found mine. Was even engaged to him. And now he's gone. I don't get a second chance, unless my beliefs change....do I have to accept that I'll never feel that way again? Or do I have to keep trying, against all odds?
Whatever I have to do, I can't do for sure until I can repair the damage my cards have dealt to me.
Don't cause excessive drama for me, anyone. Its the last I need....I have to worry about me, my job, if I can afford to eat next week, and if I'll still have a roof to live under next month...this is no exaggeration, either. I don't want your pity, either...I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me.
It's times like these I regret quitting smoking....a cigarette always helped me calm down, and think. So far, I'm at least 7 months free of them...and a month clean from my other smoking choice. Yay me.
TwilightStormshi
~twilightstormshi
you can do it.
Foxon Silverfur
~foxonthefur
You aren't helping. Stay away from him.
