Where do I start...I got banned from a fur con because of a stripper pole.

Thursday I was scrambling to find someone to take with me since both my friends  spazzy and TekoMuto were denied vacation. After no such luck, I passed by my girl  slaphappybunny's place to fix my suit. Some lightning storm passed by and loomed for hours. I wanted to leave for the con but she convinced me not to after about 2 hours. I stood because I knew I'd do something I'll regret.

Friday morning I filled up on cereal knowing I wouldn't have much to eat since I'm a broke furry. Go figure. Picked up some smokes, a Consuegra cigar to have when I'm dressed as Boonie, and Swisher cigarillos for the rest of the weekend. They would be my last for a while, again--broke. Finally left for NJ where my phone's nav led me in circles after mistaking a turn off the turnpike. Reach the con, then get angry after seeing furries and clues of furries. Don't know why, but whenever I reach a furmeet of any kind I instantly feel like a jock would to a nerd. I loath my own kind. Saw a bunch of my friends from  furststate, and even  dreamwolf, from  ny_furs. Met people in line for registration, like  forevernomad, and got a taste of the atmosphere. After standing still for about an hour, somebody finally yelled out that pre-regs can advance. Walked up to  dragoneer without even knowing it and told him Spazzy couldn't make it but wanted his stuff anyway, since he also pre-reged. Dude was cool with it. They had a mix up and gave me a God Mode($150) sponsor badge when I only payed for a 1-Up($100) sponsor, but I didn't complain. It came with a L4D2 First Aid backpack that had some peculiar goodies inside like caffienated mints to further dehydrate congoers and bacon salt. Yes. There was bacon. Checked in and went to my room, 315, in dire need of a shower due to sweating from the heat. Immediately I scoped out the room to plan where I could install my pole, and camcorder. I planned to record some of the con but the battery couldn't hold charge, so all I could use it for was in-room shenanigans. Got cleaned up and went outside to light up my cigar, I got some looks as I was decked out in desert camouflage with badge of Boonie on my chest. Ran into  distiller, who attends Delaware Furbowls and knows me. Spoke with him and Nomad for a while, waiting to get word from  flyingfox17(aka Aegis) and my other roommate,  roaming, who were to pay their share of the room. On the way back upstairs, I checked the dealer's den and saw  2_gryphon, which made me realize I wasted about $75 on a sponsor badge just so I could go to the luncheon where he would be so I could give him my graffiti. Wow. I stopped by his table and said I was introduced to him by my friend  varmit_coyote, who also introduced me to furry and that I have art for him later on. Ran to my room to change so I can give 2 the art as Redbird, so now some thug looking guy is walking around a fur con with his graffiti book in hand, me. 2 liked it and was willing to take a picture with me giving it to him which I will post here later. I quickly then got into my only fursuit, Kuhn, for the fursuit games. I didn't win anything, but my team won the sweeping contest, only to discover our prize was a bag of ginger snaps. Wut. Even better, my tail was almost torn off, hanging by one side. I was lucky enough to have  furredfem(aka Jaga)’s number and she came by to sew it up for me. My roomates eventually arrived and paid, so all was well. I didn't know Roaming other than he was on FurstState's forum, but he proved to be cool. Aegis, sadly, would not. Found the official con bulletin board which I began spamming for my room. At first, I was offering a place to stay. Found a post it from  fudgeythewhale(aka Psyx) and his girlfriend, Alicat. Out of desparation for money, I called them. They were waiting outside talking to  xk2x(aka Cody) in suit and her friend Pechies(?), and told me their story, I let them stay with me for gifts other than money. We hung out for the remainder of the day and met  bubby610(aka Enzo), with his Dodge Caliber packin bass out the ass. He had an awesome mixtape of old songs with even older beats. At night I introduced them and Roaming to some of my friends. I took them to  inurenegade's room where we smoked  gshep_08's huca and had mixed drinks by  lupinespark, a scientist who incorporated dry ice for added appeal and faster cooling. I hotboxed my furhead of course, because I love to tarnish the cuddly furry image by drinking and smoking in suit. Me, Roaming, Psyx, and Alicat went back to my room. That night would be a first for me, in about 3 ways. For the third time, I fell asleep in suit.

Saturday...wuh. Cleaned up again because NJ is mysteriously hot. Got dressed as Redbird to chill with whoever. Psyx and Alicat generously blew up the bulletin board with invitations to my room toting the pole, one even had a little furry stick figure hanging off another stick. Haha. A friend of theirs who was staffing even scratched giant letters onto the board. Throughout the day I would see people at the board and hear the occasional "Have you heard about the stripper pole?". Some partygoer named  skittlez continued to propagate my room, along with my phone number he copied from a post-it I left for staying over. I didn't mind, because I wanted a party to happen at my place. Psyx and Alicat accomplished to befriend our nieghbors into opening their door between our rooms, mainly for what they possessed, combining our rooms into one. I love hotels that have this feature. It was then I realized I was rooming next to  springdale, whom I met at the fursuit games yesterday. I meandered throughout the con for some hours as Boonie again, and finished the giant cigar started yesterday. Decided to fursuit as Kuhn for 2's show so he could recognize me, or should he give a shoutout to the fursuiters. Just before leaving, Cody and  rashia appeared at my door and both ended up dancing on my pole in suit. I got it on tape along with Cody getting a lapdance while she was still in suit. 2 put up a good show, he did his "3 Cheese Baby" act, despite being interuppted by a drunken  thatguy, who regularly staffs furry cons. Upon returning to my room, I hear muffled talking through my head and open the door to some kind of bash. Psyx managed to hook his Mac to the TV and play his music through it's speakers. Dream, Nomad, Rashia, Cody, and even  sen(?) were there.  vanca and Springdale were on the pole, I would lose track how many people would be. I was immediately double-fisted, i.e. handed two beers, and yet again drank in suit. I was checking the hallway every so often, and letting everyone in. Sen and his ladyfriend demonstrated their cat-o-nine tails whip, she really enjoyed it. He soon displayed his rope tying skills on female volunteers. I was glad they brought their supplies, as they had promised earlier that day. Someone else ran out, and returned with a suitcase. His name was  theleo, a leather entusiast. When asked what was inside, he replied "It's my straightjacket." I heard the magic word throughout all the noise. I was already strapped and chained in my torn one, but shouted out "WHAT? I wanna be in that." The result was a photoshoot in both my furhead and his human muzzle in said jacket. I was even strapped to my pole while limber guests suspended themselves from it just above me. Twas awesome. I also asked for a favor which, oddly enough, was complied with. Long after the party settled down just I, Psyx, Alicat, Roaming, Springdale, Leo, and someone whose name I didn't get remained. Aegis returned with a friend he brouth to stay. I had been hoarding anyone I could for extra room money. They were the only ones trying to sleep, sadly. We all kept giving them the option to sleep in the Springdale's room, while those who stood up remained in mine. They ignored us for the most part, then finally migrated next door. I felt like a dick, but we didn't really kick them out, so everything commenced. Leo passed out, but that night would also be a first for me.

Sunday came before we slept. I was surprised that we all stood up til daylight, but instantly passed out shortly afterward. I started the day around noon, where I already missed closing ceremonies. Being curious what a full suit felt like, I proposed an idea to Springdale. We would switch suits for about an hour. I'd never own a full suit since it's just not my thing, but wearing one seemed fun at the time. Getting myself into that costume was as hard as keeping mine on Springdale. You won't believe how thin she is. The suit felt fine, I kinda liked it, but wouldn't put up with the heat for as long as she would. My friends hugged her, her stalkers called me. After fooling enough people and went for a smoke break. Now picture this angry guy smoking in a big, furry, pink and white costume, head propped back and cursing at people. I got Spring to hold a Leo's funny sign while still in my costume, so I can pass it off as myself. He was generous enough to take us to Dunkin, where some lady left a God card after hearing us talk for 2 minutes. Ha.  pica_delphon had to ride in the trunk with Leo's "Gooch". No lie, it was an election poster for Diane Gooch, running for congress. In and out of suit I touted "Vote for Gooch!" through the hotel. There was more huca, this time outside. One of the guys sitting around devised a huca mask out of a gas mask, duct tape, and two of the three tubes. I participated in the fursuit parade, lead by  coopertom in  fender’s fursuit. You can see me in the YouTube video, one of the first suiters to pass. It ended with a group picture outside, but Enzo spiced it up with his car audio system. I grabbed the trunk and started head bobbin’, then opened it to release the sound in a camera worthy manner. Later that day Leo took a poll of who wanted to go to McDonald’s. At first I didn’t want to because I was still in suit, and by the time I changed they would be gone. However, with peer pressure, and not wanting to be left behind, I, Spring, and Pica tagged along anyway, them in partial suits. Yet again Pica rode in the trunk of Leo’s self dubbed “Homo Hot Rod” or HHR. Try stuffing 3 fursuiters and 3 people in one wagon. Me and Spring bitched one guy into the middle seat by default. During the whole ride over I kept shouting “Why are we doing this?!” We get there, smoke some more in suit, and finally enter. The staff actually loved us. All we suiters could have were drinks, of course. It was all good, and one employee even got a picture with us. As the day passed, we tried spreading the word for another party in my room, but it didn’t do so well. Must’ve been a Sunday thing. We did have some people think the Dead Dog party was at my place, but I clarified. While waiting for the actual Dead Dog to start I mingled and spoke with 2 a bit more, wher e I met  clete. I took him for another steampunk guy by the look of his outfit, when actually they were his work clothes. He assembled boilers in an old factory for a living, which was ballin’. We discussed Victorian architecture, alternate fuel sources, capitalism, and public school sytems. Word. It was then I was warned that hotel staff caught onto my pole and entered my room when only Psyx was there. They took pictures of it and the ceiling above it, which wasn’t damaged. I kept cool and pressed on with my evening. A good number of folks dropped by after about an hour or so, during which I almost passed out from malnourishment and/or dehydration. You had to see the spasms I had. If Roaming hadn’t been nextdoor in Spring’s room, he’d have thought I was possessed or having a seizure. Leo and Springdale were generous enough to get me some food and water. Leo had to leave, and thanked me for letting him crash the night before. When I was feeling better, I was hit with another blow, this time from hotel staff. They pulled a fast one on me by claiming we had ordered towels in an effort to get me to open the door. Like a sucker I swung it wide open and let them see my setup. I was wondering why there were 3 men, and one was writing on a clipboard. It didn’t hit me until after they left. One thing I regret to remember during those hours was a canine dildo someone whipped out, along with Bunnyboi lube. The conversation went like this:

Me: Whatthefuck izzat?
Them: It’s a dildo!
m: Why does it look like that?
t: It’s a dog’s dick!
m: Oh, so the balls are at the side of it, instead of under like ours?
t: No, that’s the knot.
m: Oh.

My face sank, along with my hope for humanity. One thing I learned was that people are shy. Damn near everyone who said they couldn’t poledance knew some awesome move I didn’t, but were afraid to show it at first. We were all waiting for more people to show but I grew impatient and suggested some roomsurfing. The Pole was packed up and I set off, with mob in tow. We first passed by 601, after hearing nekogami was throwing something, but he was long asleep for a plane the next morning. Next was 824, the con suite. What I did was a real dick move. We bust up in there, I set the pole up and rip paint off the ceiling, take it down, and leave. It was mainly cause of opposition from the suite members that we had to leave. They weren’t cool. Feeling beaten, we headed back to Neko’s but heard some noise nextdoor in 602. Taking a chance, we knocked and were let in to Dragoneer’s room. Since the con suite were being bitches about it, I stared Dragoneer himself in the face, presented the packaged kit and said “Can you handle my pole?”. The room had a good laugh, and one of the mods(?) shouted “He wants you to ride his pole!”. Neer was nervous about it, and told me there were two reports of room damage because of “dance poles”. I asked if it was from this con or previous ones, and he told me he was informed less than an hour ago. Skittles and Dream were talking out side and called me into the hallway. I was in some shit. They said staff was instantly at 824 checking the damage, meaning it’s tenants wasted no time in ratting me out. It must’ve been the renter of that room, the same one who came to my door on Saturday just to see if the Post-Its we left on the bulletin were true. Fuckin nosy. Skittles told me they even had the name “KUHN” written down and were looking for me. I immediately left after bidding farewell to some cool people I met in that room, like one guy with a mohawk. They also handed me a mixed drink. Upon returning to the third floor, one glance down the hall and you could see two con staffers waiting outside my room. The group suggested I come up with a plan, like hiding the pole outside in the bushes. From experience, I’ve learned it’s best to man up and take the brunt, so it can pass by quicker. I accepted the fate and walked towards the uninvited guests when they called me from at least 15 feet from my door. “Kuhn?”, they asked, and I thought it funny that they only knew my by a nickname, and that’s how they search for violaters. They told me to wait there for hotel staff but let us into our rooms to change. I frantically took down my camera and anything incriminating, cause I’d be damned to go down for anything else.Skittles offered to let us stay in his room at the Courtyard across the street. Hotel staff arrived just as I changed out of suit and told me I was billed $500. They also said to leave the premesis immediately and I was never allowed back into their hotel. Just as Roaming and I left the room lugging our shit with the help of Dream and Skittles, con staff intervened and told me I was banned from the convention indefinitely. Whatever. As long as I got out of there with just a fine was all I carewd about. I keep furry and all related shenanigans far from my workcenter and that’s how it’s staying. What I feared was charges being pressed against me for vandalism, which could get me in trouble at work, but that didn’t happen. Roaming and I waited in the lobby with Dream, he was there to keep me cool, cause I was livid. I finally got the reciept, packed my shit in my car and walked through the bushes to a parking lot nextdoor, at Dream’s advice. The three of us brainstormed what to do next. Since we already had a place for us, all that was left was unfinished business. Enzo, Skittles, and Springdale arrived and we filled them in. I sent Enzo and Skittles to go back and get some possibly incriminating evidence I told our neighbors to destroy while we were being evicted. I texted Aegis that we had been evicted, and he kept asking me where he would stay. I had no answer for him, so I just made another enemy. Oh well. The wait tried my patience, though I was already frazzled, when they returned running and laughing. They accomplished the mission but also ran into 2, who recorded a short video with them about what happened. I was shocked that he heard, and wondered how fast the word spread. They also covered the bulletin with victory post-its giving shout outs to “The Outlaw Furs” and directing any followers to The Courtyard, at my request. Enzo proudly relayed how he purposely poured beer in the lobby to honor us after declaring “To all my homies in da 3-1-5.”. The six of us split into his car and mine to leave for Skittles’ hotel. I managed to get there despite losing Ezo on the highway for some reason, when the hotel was just right down the road. Lucky for me I had Skittles as a navigator, while Spring took the backseat. Enzo finally made it back when we were outside The Courtyard, just smoking and trying to comprehend what happened in the past hour. We all chilled for a bit, whre Enzo and Skittles started shouting out ideas of group t-shirts for Anthrocon, so we can be recognized. Skittles let us in with his card and we eventually settled down. Enzo went back to The Marriott, while we quietly remained excited for some time. This wasn’t a party hotel, and Skittles’ roommate was sleeping. We finally called it quits. I could’ve done something that night, but wasn’t up for it after all that just happened. I did see a first however. It desensitized me real quick, and rather than ponder it and continue watching, I went to sleep.

Monday morning was like “Huuuuuh?”. Once everyone was adjusted, they resumed chatter of last night. After watching some YouTube videos from Dream’s Mac, we clusterfucked and gaggled in the parking lot deciding what to do for breakfast. Someone suggested Bob Evans, a good looking diner right nextdoor, and I repeated it until they all agreed. There was a line, so we kept on talking. Springdale put us on the list under her furname, if I’m not mistaken. We scanned the place for more furs and found some, not all had heard. When a table was finally ready for us, I was given the seat at the end, cause someone said I deserved it. I felt like a king looking at his court. Spring paid for Dream and me, which was cool. Even after we finished, we all hung around outside. You could tell no one wanted the weekend to end. Some other furs passed by for a short bit and left. We finally split ways, and on my way back down south I spotted vegaguy15(aka ~V~)’s car just before a toll plaza. I honked and lowered my window to yell at them and 0r30(Oreo) asked me “What’s up?!”. I replied “I got banned!” and his answer was “We heard!”. ~V~ yelled out “That damn stripper pole!”. Good times. And then someone cut me off.