My life sucks.

I graduated, got a few lucky strikes with regaining old friendships, playing exclusive betas, and other menial nonsense. As much as I try to enjoy all the little things...I just can't anymore.

These last 6 months have been nothing but torture for me. I keep trying to ask myself "What's the point? Why keep trying to live? Why be happy if you *know* things are bad?" I lost the love of my life...the only person I ever truly loved with all my heart, and was ready to create a future with. There's nobody that was any more perfect than he was...and I fucked it up...

I'm living a life of regret now. Regret for everything I've ever done, from playing games, to hurting my only love. I'm somewhat being forced to find a job soon...which is not a happy task, not by a long shot.

My games aren't even doing anything to bring me peace of mind... The thing that was once my favorite hobby in the world, a source of fun, competition, good stories, and inspirations, are nothing but bleak, pointless drugs to me now, that's starting to lose their value and good taste. I've bought numerous games to try and celebrate for my graduation with, but they're not doing me any justice. I've hardly even touched them since I bought them all. It's pretty pathetic.

Everything that mattered the entire universe to me is gone. My only love, some of my closest and dearest friends, a life I had with various communities where I felt welcome, they're all but gone now. I'm alone, and trying to live with that life, while I'm trapped in misery, and no matter what I do, I can't escape.

The worst part? This is E3 week. The Electronic Entertainment Expo, where it's the biggest gaming convention in the entire world...and it was like a holiday to me. Now...I hardly care for it. I hardly care about the things I enjoy anymore. I hardly care about anything. Nothing matters anymore.

The only thing that can help me now is if someone points a gun at my head and pulls the trigger.

I can't take it anymore.