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Why can't I ever make things right
15 years ago
General
So I make people panic all day and worry sick about me and then I tell them I can't kill myself and upset them more and I can't be happy at all........
you seem so nice
how are you a bad person?
If by "leaving" you meant leaving FA or the fandom... other furs have a way of doing what they can to get you to stick around... whether you want to keep sticking around or not... "don't go, don't go, don't go" is the outcry from them. Which IS nice to see, since it shows they care... but ultimately, they never really ask you to go into your reasons why you felt the need to leave in the first place and GENUINELY listen when you lay it all out for them.
I've gotten it time and again "I don't get it, I don't understand"... even many people who genuinely don't want to see you go STILL don't even TRY to understand what helped you get to that point in the first place. And, ultimately, you may end up feeling (at least I do) like furs will neither let you leave on your terms, or even STAY on your terms either.
I guess my point here is... even those who may claim otherwise STILL can sort of be somewhat guilty of this at times... the whole thing of how people just do NOT listen. Sure, they want YOU to listen to THEM when things are going all cruddy for them... but the real question here is, how good a listener are our friends when WE are the ones who could use some much needed emotional support?
I don't know about you, Snow... and, I don't know about any other fur reading this here either... but I myself have gone quite numb by now when it comes to things out here. And, I really feel others can help you get to that point whether they see how they played a factor in it all or not.
As for why you "can't ever make things right"... who says it's your fault? Just because they choose to make you feel that way doesn't automatically mean that they are the ones that are 100 percent right and you're 100 percent wrong... that is just simply entirely too convenient a thing (for them). So, it can be better to be a big picture kind of person. For when you are one, you see that people who talk to about such matters don't always make as much sense as they might think or claim they do.
Ultimately, you are your own person... no one can tell you what you can or can not do. YOU are the master of your own fate, and the captain of your own ship... no matter who wants to get a chance at the steering wheel, YOU'RE the one in control of what does or does not happen for such things in your life... not them. And, don't ever let them think they are... because they're not. No matter how much they may think otherwise.
Now... only thing I would ask of you (or anyone out here) leaving FA or the fandom is one thing... but I urge you to PLEASE never EVER do anything to yourself. The fandom has already lost it's share of furs who really DID do something to themself... so, we really don't need anything like that to happen to anymore furs out here... we just don't.
Perhaps the best thing is to take a break for a week or 2 (if you feel you need such a hiatus) and perhaps come back a bit more refreshed, because I can just tell... the matter has you in a bad way emotionally right about now... so please... in the meantime, do NOT do anything hasty... give yourself time... time to clear your mind... to think things over... and to contemplate ALL possibilities rather than just leaving and never coming back.
And again... even if you leave for good, I respect you decisions either way no matter what... but like I said before... all I ask is that you do not do anything to yourself irl. Kay? *Hugs* Hang in there.
Still have that unread PM you're free to reply to.
Let me tell you: it isn't worth it. You just end up being a bigger burden and make everyone sad. Even if you were trying to get attention from them- they probably won't remember you in any glorified manner-- and the dead can be forgotten, if they don't live their lives well.
You posted several journals as "cries" for attention. "Stop me now. "
You even counted down to the minute you had planned to kill yourself.
That's a sad place to be, and even sadder for you.
I'm part angry at you, and part sad for everyone that has to deal with you. There was clearly an outpouring of people concerned for you.
Why don't you find more productive ways to get attention? Life isn't that bad at 14. You're still a little kid.
So... why don't you go play some video games, and enjoy the free time that the rest of the adults here don't have. :/
If i have another issue then feel free to comment...